The soothing warm water was showering over me as I rinsed my hair and then there was loud knocking on the bathroom door.  “Mom, the police are here.  They want to talk to you about the incident in Penny’s parking lot.”  “What incident?” I asked.  She didn’t know and went back and I could hear the voices.  I quickly finished and got out.  It was quiet so I called out, “Are they still here?”  “Yes”, a man’s voice answered.  Quickly dressing I went out still combing my wet hair and feeling totally confused.

For the next fifteen minutes as we sat by our beautiful Christmas tree a discussion went on about how our truck driven by a blond woman was reported to have hit a car in the Penny’s parking lot on Saturday.  After the “hit” the woman gave another driver a strange look and then drove off.  At least three times I explained that yes I had been at Penny’s but I didn’t hit anything or give anyone any strange looks.  The officer was strong about the fact that someone would not take the time to get a plate number and report such an incident if it hadn’t happened.  I asked if there was damage and he said the other car just had a minor scrape on the bumper and was not pressing charges.  My daughter came in irate at my being accused of a “misdemeanor” (yes the officer said those words and also added they noted I didn’t have a record!) and said someone must have been mad about not finding a parking place.  Then I remembered I did go back to our truck in the middle of my shopping to get something I had forgotten to take in.  There were cars looking for parking spots, but I didn’t leave my space but just went back in. My daughter further stated we have insurance why would I “hit and run?”  (At that point I asked her not to be involved).  I told him that I never heard any strange sound which might explain having done it and not known and was positive I hadn’t hit anything.  He held his ground and firmly let me know that he was there to warn me that people were watching so I’d better do the right thing.  Flabbergasted I assured him if I had done anything I would have stopped and given my information. He finally repeated the warning for the fifth time and then left wishing us a Merry Christmas.

 

There are no words really.  He was doing his job. But really????  My daughter was upset the rest of the morning and kept saying, “He doesn’t know you!  I can’t believe you went through that.”  OK- some of you are laughing now thinking maybe I really did do it and that my memory and alertness are waning.  You only think that because you are worried about your own!  Well, it’s over and I had a lovely day.  Angels have always been on all four sides and the top of my car when I drive and I figure God will just send an extra one now to protect me from the informant……….

Christmas over twenty years ago after my Dad went to be with the Lord was full of expected emotions.  We were very close and of my parents it was my Dad and I who communicated the most- often meeting after work when I was in high school both getting home very late.  That Christmas however didn’t mark any changes in daily traditions since we lived so far away our families didn’t get together during the holidays.

This year Mom has joined Dad in heaven.  It is different.  For almost 20 years I have shared Christmas with her as she along with her mom moved to Kentucky to be near family.  It wasn’t just Christmas Day or Weekend.  We made things for Christmas Bazaars to sell.  We attended sales, Christmas programs at church and schools, baked for my annual Piano Open House, got excited over new creative ideas, picked photos for the annual card and on and on I could go.  Already this year there is a missing piece in my Christmas puzzle that already on just December 5^th has brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly more than once.

Many of you are experiencing grief already due to the loss of a loved one this year. Della, Jesse, and Carla may God uphold you with His peace on earth!  Laura and Jenni my arms reach out to you across the miles my sweet nieces!  Noni and family you are in my heart every day. There is no right way to go on.  There is no easy way to move forward.  As I know with my Dad there is no time we will ever forget them or wish they were with us to share special times.

Though November is the time set aside to give thanks I have decided as a coping tool that today I am going to begin my Christmas Blessing Journal 2012.  It will stay setting out to write in as they happen and read when the tears come to remind me that God is with me now and will never leave me alone.  Here are my first entries:

1. The joy of my loss is the promise given by God that through His Son whose birth we celebrate and I can look ahead to a family reunion that goes beyond our human comprehension!
2. I have a baby who just turned one living with me this Christmas whose sweetness immediately cures a sad feeling.
3. This is the first year ever I sat on the couch and handed the ornaments I wanted on the tree to my daughter who has created us a masterpiece of colorful happiness!
4. Autumn my granddaughter is creating unique new ornaments to add.
5. Last night I received my first Christmas card handmade by my nieces son which declares, “Happy and Merry Christmas ladies and gentlemen!”

This Christmas journal is already working- I am what a dear friend describes me as- a spoiled rotten brat!  Thank You Lord…………..

“Grandma makes the best pancakes” the granddaughter announced.  “I can make good pancakes”, the aunt said.  “Don’t even go there”, the aunt’s sister advised, “I have tried and tried- it’s just the oil she uses.”  “No it’s not!” the granddaughter insisted, “Grandma just has…the magic!”  I just smile and cook.

 

I remember as a child I was just the opposite.  My grandmother was disgusted that all of us would only eat our mother’s food when having a family gathering!  Mom was an amazing cook and grew everything from beans to rhubarb.  She even made her own ketchup!

 

I find it interesting that we are so focused on food and strongly opinionated as to what is best- who makes it best- and the cooking channel is watched as much as sports!  For years I’ve had my own opinions and vowed never to become one of the up and coming “only natural” gurus in our generation.  I love the saying “life is short- eat dessert first”.

 

My journey however took a turn where health issues were glaring and here I am today someone I do not recognize or know at all- someone who made an organic thanksgiving meal leaving out all organic sugar products.  I can’t afford it- the food is more expensive.  But I can’t afford not to because for me it is working.  I decided I wanted my life to be long!

 

Thanksgiving eve my daughter made four beautiful traditional buttermilk pies with everything “normal”.  She gave one away that night.  Most of the family added a small slice to my traditional breakfast (I ate organic oatmeal and yogurt).  After breakfast she gave her brother half a pie and her sister a whole pie to take home.   The rest was consumed by family and friends throughout the day and gone by the next morning!  It reminded me of my favorite Aunt- Aunt Betty.  She and I would sit at the dessert table at my grandmother’s house the Sunday before thanksgiving most every year.  We stayed until we had tasted all of the desserts and there were never less than 15 different ones to try.

 

Everyone really enjoyed my dinner and my niece even made her green bean casserole all natural in honor of the new tradition (inspired and insisted upon by the daughter who baked the pies!)  I was very happy and satisfied without even a taste of those pies- like I said- I don’t know this new me inhabiting my body.  I do know that miracles are still possible though and I thank God for this miracle He has given me- I can still work the “magic” and not lick my fingers!  (My thanksgiving miracle for 2012)  Who knows what the future holds - it matters not!  Contentment for today is a satisfying wonder………

Has personal quiet time become a luxury no one can afford?  If there is one constant cry heard daily across the land it is that life is just too much to handle and we want a break!   From the wife who is caring for her ill husband to the chief of police in the city the cry is the same.  Here are a few examples I see daily in this dilemma:

• Parents:  When the beautiful infant sleeps Mom sleeps or rushes to get caught up on the daily cleaning, cooking, washing her hair and on and on the list goes.  Being alone and quiet feels forever lost. This rings true for the growing number of Dads who stay at home.  The working parents have tripled the challenge!
• Students working, studying and often a parent too:  Juggling from wake up until sleep overtakes them there is a belief that life will never again include personal quiet time to just be.
• Professionals in Police, Fire, and the Medical community who carry responsibility for the lives of others:  There is a murder in our city almost daily.  Disaster situations are more and more prevalent.  The call to save, protect, and rebuild takes every fiber of human ability and often requires sacrifice of personal needs like sleep along with anything “normal” in life.
• Teachers of any age student:  Demands from government and administration are so heavy that the work of dealing with teaching the students and encouraging families to participate is horrifically compromised!  A job that in times past brought such fulfillment is now in the list of impossible jobs- they simply cannot meet all the demands and still reach out to individual students!
• You:  I daresay anyone reading this will say the life I live is on this list.  I didn’t leave you out.  Personally I do not know any person who has the luxury of consistent quiet times that are not challenged by issues of life that pull on them disrupting the quiet time immediately when it appears.

Add to all of the above the distractions of technology and I wonder if we have forgotten who we are and have become whatever it seems life dictates us to be any moment.  I found a reminder of who I am today while meditating this thought.  It also clarified why we have so much trouble being who we are:

1 What marvelous love the Father has extended to us! Just look at it - we're called children of God! That's who we really are. But that's also why the world doesn't recognize us or take us seriously, because it has no idea who he is or what he's up to. 2 But friends, that's exactly who we are: children of God. And that's only the beginning. Who knows how we'll end up! What we know is that when Christ is openly revealed, we'll see him - and in seeing him, become like him.  3 John 1-2  Message Bible                                                                                                     

There is no time in God.  Now there is something to hold onto- a timeless journey meant to be fully experienced- always time for everything He holds………………

 

The hidden tree.  All over the world you can find one.  Unique and special in its own personal beauty and yet hidden from view unless you make a special effort to find it.  If you happen to discover it you will be drawn to stand a moment to enjoy the pleasure its beauty brings.  I have one such tree in my front yard.  In these photos you can see the beauty of this tree- yet it is hidden from view except coming up the side porch entrance or looking out our front window.  Right now all the trees around it are still  green and people driving by can’t see it through them.
 

The enjoyment of walking around the yard shooting these photos (yes they are all the same tree- just featuring different angles and splashes of color) caused me to think about being hidden.  How many times have we been in a crowd and felt no one noticed we were there?  How often it takes years for employers to recognize the “jewel” in their midst as their focus is on production rather than those in the process that truly make it possible?  How many families have that one child who just doesn’t get the same attention as all the others and yet they have very special qualities?  I have been married many years and it never ceases to amaze me that I can learn something new about my husband still to this day- or come to appreciate something he does I have always taken for granted.

 

Today I am defining something hidden simply as something we are not looking for.  Many times I find myself so overwhelmed or so busy I don’t even look around.  Yet taking a moment today to explore my own front yard I found a reason to smile and appreciate “my world”.

 

 

“For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”  Matthew 7:8

A promise to act upon no matter what the circumstances…….......................

Imagine.  Imagination.  A way to escape.  A way to hope.  The way to change.  How many times do we look at a child and wonder just what exactly are they thinking?  Their little minds are constantly looking, touching, exploring, and testing. We applaud each discovery.  When we are no longer a child it is easy to quit imagining.  Quit trying to learn.  Quit exploring and testing possibilities for our life.  This is the moment we no longer live, but give in to the lie that the day comes when there is nothing new and wonderful for us to find.  Limitations rather than possibilities frame our life decisions.              

So many circumstances can bring us to a moment like this.  Recently I found myself leaning toward that lie.  I experienced loss causing grief, physical issues limiting life, hurt from unexpected rejection, and shock and disillusionment when a battle won over illness in a family member that had given us two years of restoration and victory came crashing back.  I hesitate to be this revealing in my writing as often readers respond with sympathy or empathy rather than understanding my point.  You see I don’t consider my experiences to be so unique.  Most everyone I know has a similar list though the details are widely varied.  Whatever it is that challenges us to the brink of losing hope is not the issue- it is what we do when we find ourselves there. 

It is the children in my life that have shown me the way out.  Imagine possibilities.  Look around me and discover new things in life- new options!  Touch those around me and let them touch me.  Test the options and embrace those that work.  Receive the applause others give when I advance into the world I imagined. Rejoice in the fact that I am a child- God’s child.  I shall sing today the 3^rd verse of “This is My Father’s World”…. 

This is my Father's world.

O let me ne'er forget

that though the wrong seems oft so strong,

God is the ruler yet.

This is my Father's world:

why should my heart be sad?

The Lord is King; let the heavens ring!

God reigns; let the earth be glad!

 

 

It’s Sunday morning and I just don’t write on Sundays.  Yet here I am at the computer compelled to tell you the thoughts flowing through my heart early on this day.  I am a “church goer” person not because it is a commandment and I fear disobedience will keep me out of heaven- but because there is no where else I want to be on Sunday.  I long to be with friends who share my love for God and believe that Jesus made a sacrifice of himself because He loves me (and every other human he created).  I can’t wait to read Dr. David Jeremiah’s new book “God loves me; He always has and He always will”.  Everything and everyone has disappointed me at some juncture of life except this one truth and so at least for this day of the week I will stop and declare this is who I am and have been since I was eight years old.  That is decades of years I have never been disappointed, but rather amazed at the love of God that remains constant even in my worst moments.  He is the perfect Father who hasn’t missed even a second of my life.  There to shout the victories.  There to comfort my sadness.  There to cast out any fear.  There to heal my hurts.  There to joy in touching others lives.  There to laugh with me at the antics of my grandchildren.  There to direct me in times of confusion.  It is Sunday.  I will share this morning with those who also have a grateful heart and want to give thanks and praise to the God who desires that all man come unto Him and receive eternal life....(above picture taken two weeks ago with my pastor Don Blevins on his birthday)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                                                          

Family and friends refer to our house as “Grand Central Station” as the activity level of people coming and going is very high.  My mom refused to live with us because it was too busy here!  That being said it is interesting that yesterday at home alone I experienced claustrophobia having no way to go anywhere. Then loneliness set in so I took my husband to his evening shift so I could go out for the evening.  However I found myself unable to connect with anyone, not in a shopping mood, and all movies let out too late to be in time to pick my husband up.  I drove home deeply missing my Mom.  Her final years were spent at an assisted living home about fifteen minutes from here.  I took her to appointments, out to lunch, to movies, or just driving for the fun of it.  She would always say, “I’m sorry I am so much trouble” and I would always say, “Are you kidding?  You are my excuse to leave my everyday life and go have some fun!”  It was true then and now I realize how much of a gap in my life it has left.  In addition my husband’s sister went to heaven this year.  About once a month she and I shared a very long phone conversation.  Who better to talk to than the only sister of the man I married who was truly the only one who understood him better than me!  We shared that good ol’ girl talk about everything in our family life that makes you hang up feeling so refreshed and reminded about everything really important in life.

 

Don’t misunderstand- I am not complaining about these losses- I am sharing the gratefulness I will forever carry in my heart that I had these relationships in my life.   I am a person blessed with wonderful family-grandchildren-friends that truly care about me.  If ever I lose any of them I will miss them too.  We are unique individuals- each with something special to give to another and often we aren’t even aware of it.  When my twins were born it was both the most exciting and challenging time.  With my husband a full time student and already a two year old in our family I would not have described the first few months my “finest hour” of being there for others.  When the twins turned four months old we made the decision to leave finishing seminary for a bit later in life and made our plans to move back to Kentucky.  Imagine my amazement at the outpouring of love from our neighbors and friends who again and again said how much they would miss us - how we had been such an inspiration in their lives! You just never know.  After yesterday I realized I needed to make the time to go to that scrapbooking class one of my piano Mom’s invited me too. I hear Barbara singing, “People- people who need people- are the luckiest people in the world………”   

After a summer of enduring day after day of one hundred degrees as the average temperature our fall rains this week not only are refreshing to me but welcome!  Temperatures seventy and below are the bonus!  If it had been a cool summer I would be complaining!  This creation called human is incredibly difficult to please.  Very few of us remain constant and content- the majority of us find it normal to be on a roller coaster ride based on our feelings any particular hour which are most often affected by circumstances beyond our control- like the weather!  I love the scene where Spock the Vulcan is asked by a machine, “How do you feel?”   Even the fictional machine programmed for humanity knows a human always has a feeling going on!

 

If your feelings are anything like mine they are usually a pile up- each vying for “top billing” of the moment.  Right this very minute I can identify these feelings within me:   refreshment (weather); concern (personal issues);   happiness (new baby born to friend); irritation (unfair situation for a friend); compassion (several circumstances I deeply care about); anger (everything takes “more” money); conflicted (shoulder surgery or not); lazy (don’t want to do all the projects I am looking at); gratefulness (for great friends and family); honored (called favorite SIL on fb); excited (got a 98 point word on scrabble); embarrassed (using the men’s room instead of the women’s) and on and on it goes!

 

Perhaps you see this blog as just plain silly and a lady just going on about nothing.  The truth is life is in the moment and if we can truly comprehend how normal our feelings are then we have taken the first step to improving the quality of those moments. Think of the Bingo ball that is popped up and called- whatever feeling pops up just look at your card. If it is staring you in the face then deal with it and cover it up.  Other times it is so insignificant it doesn’t even show up on the card and we can let it go!  Let’s not sit at the card table long.   The sweetest life is the one about us- not the one about me.  Me is never satisfied but us- we can laugh together and lighten the loads for each other and in our relationships feel genuinely content with our lives…….

 

 

I love to read and am a sucker for the fifty cent book sale table at the library.  Recently during my $2.00 splurge I bought a book by Pat Conroy entitled South of Broad.  It was in perfect condition, appealing photo cover, and I was intrigued with his writing style just by reading the first page.  It took longer than usual to read this five hundred page novel and the content was rather rough- a far cry from my beloved historical romance novel!  Over half way through the group of seven friends each with their own amazing story of rising above childhood life tragedies met to discuss the one friend who was no longer with them.  He was the brother of one of the girls and a gifted pianist.  A gay man who had moved to California and the last the sister heard had lost everything and was dying of aids.  The friends made a pack to travel to California and find him to bring him home to die among friends.  The chapter that followed describing the conditions they encountered as they took food through charities to places of filth and squalor was the hardest thing for me to read ever! I was sheltered from such things as a child and as my husband would say incredibly naive to much of the reality of what is said and done in this world.  Here in the middle of this secular book I had a real awakening spiritually.  I heard the song, “Oh how He loves us” over and over in my head as I read.  I’ve sung this song alone and changed the words to “Oh how He loves me” and knew it was true.  I’ve sung it at church with friends and known it was true.  I even sang it in South Africa my only personal mission trip and knew it was true for the children of the Zulu tribe and their families I worked with for two weeks.  Here while reading this book for the first time I was singing it with these fictional characters of men and women lying in squalor and dying of aids.  Very clearly God showed me I haven’t got a clue of the all inclusive expansive reach of His love towards all men.  I repented for not reaching out to a relative who died of aids.  We had never really had relationship, but the truth was I was unable to process separation of the person and the lifestyle at the time so it was easy to just love on the family and ignore the person.

 

There is something else.  I recently attended the funeral of someone who overdosed on cocaine.  I was close to the family and had met the person, but did not know them at all. Knowing the circumstances I was amazed to meet this person through the eyes of those who did know her.  She was unique.  Someone who loved animals and cared about suffering people- especially elderly neighbors- she was active in prayer ministry.  The message she left was that it was ok not to be perfect.  Again I heard the song in my head and heart “Oh how He loves us” and again I found myself repenting for my lack of understanding how God loves. 

 

Never has the world been more troubled in my view than it is today.  May I be known for sharing the unconditional love of God to all I come in contact with.  May I not only NOT judge others behavior, but refrain from even an opinion.  I would be speaking about someone God loves……………..

Heartfelt genuine remembrance without debate and without blame brings us together today in a unity so universal it is surreal.  We all know where we were- I was at an ATM machine that had a TV attached that showed CNN.  When Kennedy was shot I was in class at school and it came over the intercom.  Some of us cried and others actually shouted in anger and unbelief and that was elementary school kids.  Disaster is the universal tool that brings us out of our own lives and into life together.  Katrina-Tsunami- Earthquake- Forest Fires- Tornados- Floods-War Casualties and more bring unity to the most diverse of communities.  The heroes of each and every one of these events deserve every moment of honor they receive.  My prayers especially go out to those who have not found peace in the midst of any disaster and clear direction for their future.

 

Having said that I would like to define the word crisis:  to separate; the turning point of a disease for better or for worse; a decisive or crucial time, stage, or event.  On a personal level most of us are in a crisis.  It may be physical- marriage relationships- overwhelming financial situations just to mention a few common ones.  Crisis being a step below disaster is often not surrounded by a unified empathy for one another as I stated above.  In fact most of us feel most alone in these times.  Perhaps this is a day to consider that every day someone we know is in crisis that is accompanied by pain, helplessness, and feeling there is no way out- no hope.  Today let us ask ourselves how do we respond to these people in our lives?  Do we debate- blame and keep our distance?  Life is very precious and all too short.  May God give us grace to daily be the person someone can reach out too and find empathy, patience, and encouragement…and even believe there is a beautiful sunset in their future………(Special thanks to nephew John for Photograph above)

                                                                                                   

Yesterday was an especially great day.  I returned to Children’s Church after the summer off and then physically not being able to be there a couple weeks.  I went home and in comes my sweet grandson who has been in Louisville for a month. We shared a lovely afternoon together.  Though we have played and rocked since his coming there were limitations in what I could do.  That ended yesterday as I slid down on the floor and spent the afternoon face to face with the sweetest bundle of love on earth under the age of nine – I have two big bundles nine and eleven now!  My daughter watched me and after awhile she said, “Mom, that’s why they (the grandchildren) love you.  You give them one hundred percent attention.”  It’s true.  Eleven years ago when my first grandchild was born whenever they were present there was nothing else more important than spend every minute playing with them. 

 

Today my Mom is spending her first birthday in heaven.  I can’t help but think about the fact that God said he created us for His pleasure.  One on one time with Him cannot be replaced by anything on the earth.  He loves to love me with one hundred percent attention just as I do the grandkids.  He is loving Mom today and sharing something way beyond our humanity and the beauty of it is beyond explanation.  I look forward to every minute with the grandchildren and Jesus is there looking forward to every minute we choose to share with Him.  I am not a preacher- just an encourager.  I know that my redeemer lives and talk to Him daily.  He never is too busy to slide right down to my level and share himself with me.  Who wouldn’t want that kind of attention……………………

 

 

Unexpected gifts for absolutely no reason at all bring the greatest pleasure to my heart.  This lovely basket with perfect homegrown tomatoes and a few small carrots was left on my table last night.  There was a note that I might want to take up basket weaving as a hobby.  I asked if they had made this basket and they admitted they had made a few, but this one came from Good Will.  I loved it just as much!  Actually I have a friend who wins awards for her wonderful handmade baskets.  I would love to add this to my list of twenty other hobbies all waiting to be pursued!  How refreshing though in a world that never sleeps, rests, or stops it is to think such a pursuit truly possible and still happens somewhere in the world.

 

We are all keenly aware of the phrase “random acts of kindness” and how true it is when someone does the unexpected it lifts our spirits and we feel better about ourselves.  Friends love one another and yet we rarely surprise the other with that extra bit of attention and thoughtfulness.  A while back I was in line in the pharmacy line and a young girl was $5 short to pay for her prescription.  She was begging a relative to lend her the money and they would not and I have no idea the reason why.   I happened to have $5 cash on me and stepped over and handed it to her.  She was immediately in tears of gratitude and thanked me over and over!  The relative glared at me.  The attendant said that was such a great thing you did for her.  Others just wanted the line to move.  My mind swiftly reviewed a great many memories of having to put groceries back, say no to my children when my heart was saying yes, not getting to go to lunch or movies with friends, and by-passing new clothes and haircuts along with my husband so we could give to our children just to name a few.  Five dollars is nothing and yet at times of need it can feel like a hundred. 

 

I am sentimental and have many treasures, but reality is stuff is stuff.   Just like someone else’s junk in a yard sale becomes another persons treasure may God give us grace to always share.  Our world needs sparks of surprise to build hope within our discouraged minds. I actually have started making a list of people I want to bless with cards, writing or other ways.  A moment of giving is truly a moment of living a valuable life…………

“Talking to you is like going out to stand in the sunshine.”  This text I received today is a definite reminder that we all have something to share within ourselves that can bless another.  My personal sunshine has a lot of cloud gathering around it, but the sun still shines and I have the choice to share it.  I have a choice to go out and stand in it.  Best of all I have the choice to receive it into my heart, mind and soul straight from the Lord every day.  For me every time I bless another person joy dances all over my inner being to the point I sometimes see my belly bounce!

 

Earlier this year I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my Mom.  We shared a lot of fun times in the last years of her life and shared so many laughs together.  My granddaughter came to me and said, “Am I still going to have a happy grandma this summer?”  The question caught me off guard as I assured her that in my moment of sadness there would still be plenty of happiness for her and I to share.  It surprised me when the insight of my sweet grand girl had truth in it and there were many camp days I had to dig deep to overcome the grief I carried- but the joy of the Lord was my strength.  The memories of Mom are a constant source of joy.  Sharing life with those around me is my greatest source of happiness as I am so blessed by my family and close friends.

 

Presently I am recovering from a recent illness and after several weeks just now resuming most of my normal life.  About a week ago my granddaughter came through the front door and stood in front of me with her hands on her hips.  “You aren’t going to hire an assistant grandma are you?” she said.  “I don’t want any assistant grandma making pancakes, helping me with spelling words and having sleepovers!”  I was stunned as I assured her there would be no assistant!

 

What a beautiful gift is the rising of the sun every morning.  Every morning is a new opportunity to make whatever we want out of it.  Sadly I know few if any people who do not have real struggles and challenges in their lives and the world overall is less safe, less stable, and less life motivating these days.  All the more reason I return to my blog today.  If just one person receives sunshine from my words or actions it is a day of great accomplishment……….

I love new toys!  This morning I played with the photo above.  A beautiful local park ruined by the blurry path.  For some of us it just takes time to learn new technology, but I will get it right one day.  Actually this photo inspired me to research the word blur.  As a noun it means anything indistinct.  As a verb it means to make or become indistinct in shape etc….  Growing up I will never forget a night my Mom was driving us to our kids club in the fog.  At one point the fog was so dense she just stopped the car.  You couldn’t see even an inch!  It was as if we had been swallowed by Karo Syrup!  We sat there for over an hour before glimpses of our surroundings slowly reappeared.  In this case the blur was a noun- everything was indistinct!  Oh wait- it was also a verb- the weather caused the fog which blurred our vision.  I have been thinking about some things in my life that are quite blurry.  My first deduction was that those things were nouns- things I can’t change and simply have to maneuver around for the rest of my life.  Today while playing with my new toy I realized some of them are verbs.  I imagined a child drawing a picture and then deciding they didn’t like it so they take the crayon and scribble it out. I have some things I don’t want to look at so I’ve taken my personal crayon and blurred them out on purpose.  That made my blurs a verb- I am responsible for making them blurry to avoid the confrontation!  Just like a child I’ve walked away from the picture I was drawing and found something else to do- unwilling to try again.

 

The overweight monster is by far the most blinding challenge for me personally.  I have succeeded and failed so many times it is a joke to try again.  I do not want your advice on how to do it!  People bring me articles- I’ve even gotten anonymous letters and emails with unsolicited steps on how to save myself from my body! At this moment what I really don’t want is to author the next bestseller on how I lost 100 pounds!  Can you feel this uncharacteristic frustration- even some anger scribbling out this problem in my life???   Well all this probably means I will be changing my lifestyle of eating tomorrow, but there is so much more to me than this and that is what I want you to see.  Truth be known I believe that is the cry of every person’s heart- please see me for who I really am- look for the good parts rather than just glancing past me because all that is visible to you is the blur that is hiding the real me. Love is the most effective lens cleaner I know.  May you experience love today………..

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid,

but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

 II Timothy 1:7

Today I am doing homework writing this blog.  As part of a Bible study group I was asked to share this verse with at least one person.  Odds are one person will read this today!  Planet Carol is not a “preaching” blog by any means.  It is however an honest sharing of my journey which definitely at it’s core is my search to understand and personally relate to God as I orbit often sputtering nevertheless surviving!  “Is God Good?” has been argued theologically since the creation of man.  I love the movie Yentel and how it gives us a glimpse into the rabbi’s study of scripture.  Their discussions though often difficult to understand are in and of themselves intriguing as their minds search all the facts.  Mom always said if you learned something it was a good day.

Today my life touches both health and sickness; prosperity and empty bank account; joy and sadness; personal needs and the ability to help another; peace and stress; motivation and laziness- and on and on I could go.  My husband might say I am a mess.  On the other hand perhaps I am normal.  I am sure I am not the best I can be, yet I am just as sure  that I am far from the worst I could be and that my friend I account for wholly as the grace of God! This bird in my front yard compelled me to get my camera and photograph the simple yet miraculous moments I am a part of every day.  It is not my purpose to open a forum of discussion so without further commentary I will simply do my homework and pray it blesses you………

For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11 NIV

For the past two weeks it has been a joy to have my newest grandson four and a half months old present in my home.  His mother having grown up here was constantly surrounded by family and friends.  It has been like an unending festival in our home with the volume turned all the way up! Today the sweet boy and Mom flew home to Daddy in Brooklyn and my rocking chair is missing the bundle I had gotten used to holding every morning!  I would like to take all the credit for his contentment as all grandmas are prone to do- but I know his adoring Mommy gets first billing and many others care deeply for this boy!

 

An amazing similarity of the very young and the elderly is the ability to sleep in the midst of noise and activity.  My grandson’s routine went on as usual in spite of the change in environment.  He ate, played, was bathed and changed, slept and then started the cycle once more.  For me it is never like that.  My routine is interrupted by the slightest distraction.  I eat too much or forget to eat.  I stay awake till it hurts so I don’t miss anything!  I might wear the same pants 3 days in a row.  Depending on the moment I may actually curl my hair- though more often just toss it up so as to not forfeit seeing him roll over just to look good!

 

There are many reasons people have trouble sleeping and refreshing themselves- usually it is not like this moment of not wanting to miss out on the fun.  Loneliness, sickness, worry and much more rob millions of sleep every day.  Reviewing a few of the hundred’s of photos I’ve taken I choose to share these of sleep.  We all remain a child to someone- and to some degree all of our lives need some intervention in orchestrating our schedules so that we can rest.  Here are a few promises God gave to us all that I have found to guide me into my own place of peaceful, innocent, comforting sleep:

“In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, LORD,
make me dwell in safety.” Psalm 4:8

 “When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie

down, your sleep will be sweet.  Proverbs 3:24

“I lie down and sleep; I wake again,

because the LORD sustains me.”  Psalm 3:5

  The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you,

      and I will give you rest.”  Exodus 33:14

Sweet dreams to all my readers…………….

  

Last night’s headline- Civil War!- in the largest font used on the front page I’ve seen in a long time- larger and more prominent than the F-4 Tornados that brought such horrific damage just north and south of Louisville!  Perhaps it is justified.  The tornado’s brought death, and injuries that will change lives forever.  The damages sustained will take years to deal with and the lay of the land will be forever altered in some places.  The Civil War referred to in this headline is of course the UK/ Uof L game in the final four this weekend.  Only in Louisville can you find professional mature adults holding so tightly to their team’s flag that we have houses divided by a huge ribbon with one side Red and the Other Blue.  This fierce emotional battle of the teams has a hold on this city that trumps even the Derby we are so famous for hosting every spring!  The blues and the reds will dress down to their socks and painting their bodies so there is no doubt where they stand.  We the by standers are totally non-existent- even jeered as sissies with no backbone.  I pray there are no deaths or bodily injuries on or off the court.  However, there will be damages sustained in relationships, bragging rights to bully the losing color, and heckling that will go on without a break until next march comes.

There are many vices we choose in life that bring enjoyment and a sense of purpose and belonging.  For the most part these activities are simple good fun and promote physical, emotional, spiritual wellness.  I’m certain in the sea of red and blue out there are many in that category and therefore misjudged when thrown in the big picture I just painted.  I said I would never use a cell phone, and now am at its 24/7 beck and call.  It has taken years to improve my computer skills which now produce much of my work and creative projects. I have been heckled by my husband about my relationship to my computer trumping my relationship with him to the degree I considered his remarks seriously not wanting to be guilty and have consistently defended and argued my case.

Only a few weeks ago did my husband cross over to “the dark side’ and join face book team.  I set him up as he had many friends in his past wanting to friend me that I didn’t know.  I told him if he wanted to reconnect with them he would have to do it himself.  The night he started I heard him laughing. He began to regularly share information and have many tales to tell.  He still says he won’t touch the game world as I do Scrabble, but none the less he is very happy and I will here him say “I need to log in and catch up!”    A couple nights ago he came to bed very agitated.  “What’s wrong?”  I asked as he continued pounding his pillow and mumbling to himself.  “I tried everything you showed me”, he said,” and there is no way to download the picture of the Louisville Bird on my page!  The game is tomorrow night!!!!”  I couldn’t stop laughing.  I posted it for him the next morning and called to get exactly what he wanted to say.  His gratitude was genuine appreciation and excitement!   Whether from depression or exhilaration it is yet to be seen- but this weekend there will be an exhausted man in my house who religiously wears his uniform and flies his flag by the front porch.  No damages will be sustained at our house as I don’t worship the big brown bouncy ball, nevertheless I pray that it will stay safe and sane in our city in the midst…………

For sixteen years I ran a good size Child Care Center caring for up to 150 kids in the summer months.  One staff meeting I handed all the staff a piece of paper and pencil and then held up a very nice prize to be awarded to the winner.  The assignment?   List all the pet peeves of your director (that would be me).   Though timid at first the group really got into it and several had some pretty long lists.  Tone of voice, clocking in late, sitting on the playground watching kids play, and on and on and on the expected responses were written.  There was only one however that was on everyone’s list- always roll the tape on the back of what you are hanging- tape is never to be seen!

To this day if I am working on something with a former staff member I will hear them instruct children or other helpers to roll the tape to hang it up.  In a world overwhelmed with regulations, mandatory rules and every government agency imaginable visiting to see if the water temperature is right the one thing I got across to ALL the staff was roll the tape!  I wanted us to always look our best and I loved decorating with projects made by children.

Recently my sister told me that since she has moved Louisville where I live she has a completely different view of who I am and the realities of my life.  Basically she said I always look happy, prosperous, completely together and now she knows it is often not true.  I love giving gifts and she has discovered I am a master re-gifter when I want to bless someone.  I will choose to go out for lunch, never pass a sale bin, and help out family and friends whether I have money or not and pay the piper later.  Looking happy all the time gave her the impression there were not problems or sadness in my life when the reality is I have experienced serious ongoing heartbreaking issues that exist today.

Yesterday I added something to my pet peeve list- price tags placed on items that are impossible to get off without leaving a scratch where you rubbed with a nail or took paint off using polish remover to get the glue off!  No matter, they look sweet as the tags were on the back so in the photo above you just see the sweet little chicks- not the scratches and the missing paint on their backsides where the price tags were super-glued on! 

  

I hide the tape or other the flaws, once spoke in front of about fifty women  wearing panty hose completely worn out with a gaping hole taped together with duck tape unseen underneath my lovely outfit- took a picture when they towed my car away and I smile when someone I dearly love is seriously suffering and it is breaking my heart.  Does that make me a fake?  It’s real for me.  Real that joy can break through suffering- fulfillment can break through need and beauty can break through without showing its hidden flaws.  

“God is my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; He alone gives the command and saves me, I dwell within His impenetrable fortress.”  Psalm 71:3 Planet Carol Version 

You are His gift to me to share my wonderful life…