Christmas over twenty years ago after my Dad went to be with the Lord was full of expected emotions.  We were very close and of my parents it was my Dad and I who communicated the most- often meeting after work when I was in high school both getting home very late.  That Christmas however didn’t mark any changes in daily traditions since we lived so far away our families didn’t get together during the holidays.

This year Mom has joined Dad in heaven.  It is different.  For almost 20 years I have shared Christmas with her as she along with her mom moved to Kentucky to be near family.  It wasn’t just Christmas Day or Weekend.  We made things for Christmas Bazaars to sell.  We attended sales, Christmas programs at church and schools, baked for my annual Piano Open House, got excited over new creative ideas, picked photos for the annual card and on and on I could go.  Already this year there is a missing piece in my Christmas puzzle that already on just December 5^th has brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly more than once.

Many of you are experiencing grief already due to the loss of a loved one this year. Della, Jesse, and Carla may God uphold you with His peace on earth!  Laura and Jenni my arms reach out to you across the miles my sweet nieces!  Noni and family you are in my heart every day. There is no right way to go on.  There is no easy way to move forward.  As I know with my Dad there is no time we will ever forget them or wish they were with us to share special times.

Though November is the time set aside to give thanks I have decided as a coping tool that today I am going to begin my Christmas Blessing Journal 2012.  It will stay setting out to write in as they happen and read when the tears come to remind me that God is with me now and will never leave me alone.  Here are my first entries:

1. The joy of my loss is the promise given by God that through His Son whose birth we celebrate and I can look ahead to a family reunion that goes beyond our human comprehension!
2. I have a baby who just turned one living with me this Christmas whose sweetness immediately cures a sad feeling.
3. This is the first year ever I sat on the couch and handed the ornaments I wanted on the tree to my daughter who has created us a masterpiece of colorful happiness!
4. Autumn my granddaughter is creating unique new ornaments to add.
5. Last night I received my first Christmas card handmade by my nieces son which declares, “Happy and Merry Christmas ladies and gentlemen!”

This Christmas journal is already working- I am what a dear friend describes me as- a spoiled rotten brat!  Thank You Lord…………..