There are times it is beyond our reasoning ability to justify the pain of a circumstance and tomorrow is such a day. A daughter of friends has been killed in a motorcycle wreck and it is what it is- horrific. I cannot attend the funeral due to a situation of great pain in our family happening at the same time. All over the world today are families in a similar moment. I think about being out in the ocean watching the sunset several years back pictured above. As beautiful as it was, there was an eerie feeling of being so far out no land was visible causing uneasiness about the immediate future. (This wasn’t a cruise ship!) Even when we know that God’s beautiful presence is there pain can happen. My planet has dealt with uncertainty this past year for the first time ever and I have truly wondered if I would find the ability to go on. In God I am.


It is the week of Passover- soon to be Easter. I pray for my friends and as I gaze at the universe it is comforting to know that for every sunset a sunrise will come just as Jesus rose from the dead. To all of you dealing with pain today- may the joy of resurrection be your hope and strength to go on………

Cocky is not a word I would have ever used to describe myself, though I have succumbed to being called “spoiled rotten”. On one side I have loved ones telling me I don’t choose to take care of myself and on the other side I have those who think- well I guess I haven’t really figured out what they think! The question I need the answer to is what do I know about myself to be true?


Life is simply a drawing of the choices we have made. If I have the choice between which rose I want pictured above I don’t even have to think about it- I want the one standing tall and opened to perfection and will dispose of the drooping rose without a thought. In this situation it doesn’t make any real impact on life- they have both been picked and will ultimately die anyway. But as I look on my attitude in that choice I see myself as Merle Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada”. I know what I know and I am not going to consider anything else or any consequences of the way I act down the road- I just bulldoze through and when the machine bigger than I hits and knocks me down I am surprised and hurt, but don’t change anything.

If the roses were a CEO vs homeless person, chocolate vs broccoli, housework vs time with children, perfect yard vs outing with husband, church vs golf etc… it is obvious that our choice may have long term effects we don’t consider until it is too late. There is no perhaps to it any longer…to leave the repair dock healthy I have had to come to terms with the fact I don’t know nearly as much as I always thought I did. I’m listening……….

There was a time in my lifetime (which has only been a short while) that the word stress would bring attention, concern and friends rallying to help. Now when you say you are under stress the most common reaction is “You ought to hear my list!” Everyone is too stressed out in their own situation to even hear or pay attention when someone is speaking to them.

I have been doing more listening while docked for repairs and am amazed that many conversations have people talking mostly about themselves- constantly interrupting each other not allowing one another to even finish a thought. Their need for their own situation to be addressed has robbed them from the ability to share in another’s. Overload. This usually leads to the search for who is to blame and zeal to rip up the “bad guy”! No doubt there are situations where this is appropriate, but the emphasis of our daily lives cannot be fueled by our frustrations, disappointments or anger. That fuel is of poor quality and brings destruction to the engine and other vital parts of the planet we operate. We also use up more fuel in a stressed a state.

It has come to my attention that if I truly want to operate with satisfaction in my life and reach new destinations in my future I may need to pay a higher price for better fuel in my tank! God’s gifts are free, but receiving them may cost me my selfishness, jealousy, and better priorities with my time. I for one shall seek to “Put a little love in the tank today”- the kind that stops and looks at the person talking to me………..

Fantasy is great. Dreams are great. They often build hope within us when we feel lost. After all if Meg Ryan can find true love in Paris and the Book Store Owner can marry a movie star in Notting Hill there may be hope for those looking for love. Empty glass slippers in all sizes and shapes hiding in the hands of a prince of a guy somewhere out there! If Harrison Ford can prove his innocence after being charged with the murder of his wife perhaps our hope for justice will grow. He further saves his family from the Terrorists who take over his home -perhaps our hope for safety in a dangerous world will emerge. The problem is when we live our life in fantasy rather than allowing it to be the entertainment and fun it is designed to be.


The photo above is a family favorite. My Mom is married to her best friend’s brother, who in turn married my Mom’s brother. That put them in life together forever- sharing the good the bad and the ugly no matter what. Behind those bars in the photo are a lot of good memories. But for those of us who have been to jail to visit family or friend- how different the reality is! There are no Aunt Bea’s bringing baskets of home cooked food- today you can’t even see the person- you talk through TV screens.

“You couldn’t possibly understand what I am feeling” becomes the cry of any of us when fantasy depicts the opposite of our experience and hurt and resentment can grow like dandelions in the summer- ruining our view of what we have- we can only see the weeds. In the darkness this past year I hit a path of weeds that stalled me completely. I saw them as separate from me- something that crossed my path I had no control over. That was true in the beginning, but I allowed them to grow and multiply as I responded incorrectly to the situation. Psalm 112:4 says, “Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.” (Message Bible) My new favorite phrase has become I am nobody (me) with somebody (Jesus) living in me! It is His view of the situation that brings the dawning of light. May I have His eyes today………..

Sometimes it is difficult to focus on what we are seeing. We may stare in curiosity until we get a definition that satisfies us and on we go “with our own interpretation” which of course becomes reality. How surprised I am to find out over and over that what “I thought I saw” was in fact completely wrong! The photo above is a distorted view of the pier in Naples, Florida. Though it appears to be the sunrise here- it is really the sun setting. In my quest to conquer the confusion in my sputtering planet I have discovered several reasons why I am so often wrong.


1. I really don’t care that much about the situation so any interpretation is fine.

2. Busyness of life keeps me from taking the time to truly focus and consider the details.

3. Shocking, but true, my mind was fixed on the answer before I ever looked.

4. Jesus said to esteem others better than yourself- I often haven’t.

5. My picture of who I am is not the perception of those who look at me. I am finding out their perceptions are most often correct.

It is time for new glasses- perhaps a new guidance system can be installed before I engage in any serious journeys in the universe. I’d like to be so controlled by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit that my focus is 20/20. Then I can write about why I am more often on the mark………………………….

Today is the first day of spring and almost everyone who hears that spoken will smile.  Spring is a very positive word. It brings new beginnings. Children jumping on the bed have become an icon of America and all because of the design using springs! The lady pictured here is my Mom- almost 80 years old, but described as just a “spring chicken” among her peers! What a hope image for us all Flowers fighting through still hard and cold soil bring the hope of a pretty scene. Sighting baby ducks waddling after their Moms in the park thrill us no matter what our age. It is the sign of life going on and the hope of fun being a part of it.

Some of you of course are thinking spring cleaning. I actually offered to help my husband with my official “honey-do” list this morning- it was a moment of spring in my heart- unexpected energy to pursue what I usually choose to ignore! As I work on taxes today (another sign of Spring-ha) I will meditate a favorite verse:

“..those who wait for the Lord (Who expect , look for, and hope in Him) shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up (close to God) as eagles (mount up to the sun); they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” Isaiah 40: 31. Perhaps some “zing” is returning to this planet….......

There is nothing like the first time experience or first success. The first basket in basketball- the first haircut- the first 5 lbs lost- or as pictured above the first front tooth gone! We all have things we have never done, but thought about trying which is why I love the movie “The Bucket List”. There is always hope. It is a choice for us to make.  My experience in life is we will do what we really want to do. When there is no money we find a way if we really want to have/do something. I have talked about writing for years and haven’t done it- yet now I am. It became so important to me that I have chosen to not do other things and make it happen.

Though I am not rich or famous as a result, I have found that in our society where people no longer take time to actually talk to each other have very common threads of thought and experience in daily life. Those who have commented to me about my site tell me they have strongly related to my search to make clear meaning out of life. It’s a first for me and it feels really good just to be doing it! I am a grandmother (very young one of course!) but today I know that there are many firsts to come in my future. God uses us simple people to impact the world. Planet Carol needs a lot of work and the project is overwhelming to me, but we serve a Lord who doesn’t throw away “the used cars” - He offers complete restoration! Only time will tell, but I’m thinking this planet will re-enter orbit- the universe still needs shining lights to encourage others to keep going…………………….

Did you ever take a shot and you were absolutely sure you had a bull’s-eye? Usually that means something great, but sometimes we have that certainty about things that aren’t so great. Thus was the case for me this past week- I was sure, I was at peace, but to my great joy and the relief of family and friends I was so wrong not only did the arrow miss the target it flew somewhere in space and can’t even be found!


If I decide to analyze what went wrong with my aim I figure I will spend an extra star date decade in repairs and still may not find an answer. Instead I’ve decided to own that I missed the target, but was not “off” in my heart, intentions, or desire to be the right thing and do as I felt the Lord leading. I just trust Him even more knowing that as I take steps whether I stumble or get it right He is always there. He told me in the midst of this week:

“Lord, who has been gracious and faithful unto me

Will not leave me as a fool without His comforting.”

Growing up there were so many things that you could absolutely count on happening. At our house if you had a birthday you not only got to have whatever you wanted on your cake, but you got to cut it for the family and if one of the brothers hadn’t been kind you were perfectly within your rights to cut him a tiny slice and nothing would be said! When spring came my grandmother on my Dad’s side would be opening the cottage for the summer, getting her “worm beds ready” (Yucky stuff!) and preparing to be out fishing every day until the frosts came in the fall. I learned to play scrabble at that cottage and though not a fisherman, I loved to pick bouquets of lily pads which my grandmother indulged me to do though she forever thought I was a sissy for not wanting to bait a hook or touch the fish on the line! When the pond froze over at the end of the street the shovels came out to move the snow and the “neighborhood Olympics” would begin. After Christmas all the trees came to the pond to build a warming house to take a break. Those were the days my friend! Now I am not saying that children today don’t have anything to count on, but I am saying the pace of life has interrupted routines so that life is definitely not as predictable as it once was.


Yesterday I realized that one reason I so adamantly refused to have expectations of others is that at some point in life the routines that defined my world disappeared for one reason or another and I felt a strong loss and need to make sure that my new orbit had good memories of routine for my children and took it upon myself to be everything. My good intention had results, but somewhere in the process I programmed my planet to believe that it was all up to me if anything good were to be left behind. My belief was so strong and yet I was completely oblivious to it! There is no doubt in my mind that I have missed a lot of blessings on my journey as others made an effort to enter my orbit and found it closed to trespassers.


As much as I was seeking the Lord during these years and believing in Him I find that I missed out on the very thing He wanted the most- relationship that I could absolutely count on every time no matter what! His mercies were new for me every day, but often I didn’t even look for them until well into the night after the disaster of the day had been lived. I resolve to open my eyes early in the day and expect a large slice of birthday cake heading to my plate…………………..

Having a birthday?-expect a gift. Having an anniversary? - expect flowers. Having an evaluation at work? - expect a raise. Buying a movie ticket? - expect to eat popcorn. Eat a dozen Krispy Crème? – expect to feel bloated and gain a pound or two. Mopping the floor? Expect someone to walk on it before it is dry. As pictured above, get married and expect to live happily ever after without conflict- Not! We all could go on and on with our lists of expectations. There have been some high expectations Planet Carol put out there that resulted in horrific letdowns (I am not exaggerating!). As a result I taught my children the no expectation principle- don’t have expectations and then you won’t be disappointed. There have been times that has been a very helpful principle, but truly a sad outlook for relationships.


As I have submitted this planet of mine for refining, energizing, and well just a general let’s start over and update this old model- I have found that in my difficult circumstances I have forgotten the truth about expectation. Oral Roberts said it best over and over in his ministry- Expect a Miracle! There is One in Whom we can have the highest of expectations and that is the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit! Psalm 62:5 says “My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from Him.” Determining not to expect from others created a false sense of power within myself and years of letting myself down repeatedly was more painful than others letting me down.

Now I know- all my expectations are from the God who loves me, lives in me, fills me with His Holy Spirit and is there 24/7 ready and waiting for me to respond to the miracle He planned especially for me today. Our present world overall is full of hate and calamity, but God has not changed and holds love, contentment, and satisfaction in His hands we can enjoy daily. I wonder what it will be today…………………….

When we choose to put our heart and soul into something- maybe for a day, a few weeks, or even years, we feel strong ownership over it. Our time and energy has been given for a special purpose and accomplishment becomes the objective. Whenever that project declines or deteriorates it is personal loss (As in the adorable snowman family melting away above). I have decided that my yardstick has been malfunctioning causing some of the stuttering and stalling of Planet Carol. I have not properly measured the results of my energy use.


The children who built the snow family are completely unaware of the smiles they brought to those who passed by. Perhaps 10- perhaps 100- perhaps a thousand smiles occurred when observing the sweet snow family. When we smile our next action is affected positively- so it is fair to say that each of those smiles caused a positive action somewhere else. Instead of yelling at a driver maybe they had patience. Instead of ignoring the children in the backseat they may have conversed about the snow family. Instead of answering the cell phone in irritation perhaps they were pleasant. The builders of the snow family feel loss as they melt away but their actions may have brought changes for many in the hustle of the day.

One year at Christmas I stopped and got the address of a house at the end of our street. They were the only ones that year that really made an effort to light up their house. I looked forward to seeing it every day. I wrote them a thank you note. I will continue to give time and energy in life knowing that someone somewhere may have a better day……..

Seasons are supposed to be predictable, but in recent years we have seen great swings in the weather and so it is more difficult to know what clothes to keep out and what to put away. In the universe I rotate in if they call for snow flurries the stores sell out of bread, milk, and water within hours. When the snowflakes don’t come all the “prepared people” have spent time and money for nothing. Summer can feel like winter if great sadness comes into our life. Spring can feel like fall if we are buried under burdens of life we can’t shake off or choose not to shake off because it seems safer or we get more attention if we don’t move (as pictured above).


Planet Carol has become more aware that the responsibility for the orbits she has connected to is more hers than the circumstances she has blamed. I have no regrets about life- for in the midst of great struggles have been even greater blessings I wouldn’t trade for anything. Each of us trusts something- ourselves, our circumstances, our relationships and if/when those crash in on us the hit is hard. I’ve installed new thinking in my systems operations- I will reserve my trust for the Lord only and orbit knowing when all else fails He remains with all I need as I lean on Him…………….

There are certain things you see and you just know what they mean. I can still remember eating these cheeseburgers as a kid and you can just taste it when the arches appear whether or not you want to! Given a bad rap for lack of healthy choices you can now get great salads, fruit and juice! They even offer great chicken tenders- but forever the arch means burgers! This is an example of the simplicity of life- predictable- never changing- and in my part of the woods available 24 hours a day! There are other things in my life that are comparably the same. I see it- I know what to expect- and it reappears regularly as I orbit my world. Many of those things are good, tasty, satisfying, and most often desirable, but sadly some of them are not. There is a situation in my life that appears and without question we as a family know what is happening, what to expect, and though we have never found an answer to the problem we start at square one every time it appears coming together in unity to seek God for answers because until we find a temporary solution there will be no reprieve- it will appear over and over and each time we have to make a decision (Do we order a cheeseburger or drive by this time?).


Peace that passes all understanding- the annihilation of our enemies – including our tormentors comes to Planet Carol only as I am trusting the Lord and not leaning not to my own wisdom of which in this circumstance I have none. Each time my story actually comes out better than the ones I know who see what I see and flounder in the hopelessness of it. Today it is in my face and I will quietly listen to God’s voice which I can recognize because I am His daughter and I will be ok……………………

Undeniably there is beauty all around us. Amazingly there are many things that keep us from seeing it or tasting it even though it is right in front of us. The table above was well received by the guests at the shower that day. Sadly some didn’t see the flowers just interested in satisfying their appetite. Others didn’t taste the food distracted because of sadness of wishing they were the bride to be. Some came out of obligation but missed out on the joy of the moment lost in what was facing them when it was over. Time is often the culprit keeping us trapped and unable to just enjoy the special moments that are crossing our paths every day. This was not God’s plan. Neither was His plan to be irresponsible with the calling on our lives. I am looking for God and I am finding Him in unexpected moments that may seem simple and unimportant in the overall scope of life, but Planet Carol operates better in responsibility after taking time to experience the beauty of a moment that God brings into my day and not rush by it. A flower in the desert is hope for the next moment………………………

Ok- so I joined the group “I stay in my pajamas until I absolutely have to get dressed!”

There are positive things- You can do stuff like cleaning, dishes etc and not get your clothes messed up. Reading, writing, creating piano stuff and playing on the computer are in much more comfortable state. Your body can hold the illusion that it is still bedtime and too late for responsibilities. Laying back down remains an option. Now that my friends who have a “real job” are mad at me for even having this option in life let me say there are other things to consider. Pajamas in the daylight could be a sign of loneliness, inability to focus, being too overwhelmed to start what lays before you, and of course the fact that getting dressed may be a challenge as everything seems a bit too tight these days!

For today my advice to myself and others is too lighten up. My husband is convinced the world will end sometime this week perhaps and it is so true the signs of Jesus return are upon us. To live in apathy and ignorance is a waste of the precious gift of life God has given. To live in panic is also a waste. I am in love with Jesus and I want to live each day seeking His guidance and giving all of my energy to getting out of myself so I can be useful to His good purpose. I can’t do it. I love what my daughter said when she called this morning, “Is Grace home?” Yes He is. I am heading to the shower……………