12.08.09

Writing is energizing to me. I am amazed at how much I learn about myself as my fingers work the keyboard. Some people I suppose may think through exactly what they are going to say, but for me writing is the moment. It is the response to the now I am in. Being honest with the now I am actually in has only recently become part of my journey. Most of my life I have lived in the now of others around me. Taking seriously what needed to be done for those around me. Yesterday I was very honest about my moment as I wrote Finding Planet Carol- so much so that I hope my husband didn't read it! At the same time there is a freedom coming into my life by being honest. Recently we had to cut down a huge tree that has shaded our front lawn, been climbed by every child who visited and stands proudly in the family event photos taken over the years. It has been sick for several years but neither my husband or I could bear to part with it so we ignored the truth. After the wind and ice storms of the past year I knew that we had taken all the chances we had with the tree making it and realized having it fall on the new front porch my husband built would not be worth the sentimental feelings. I took a hundred pictures the day it came down. Filled my house with colored leaf arrangements! Today (months later) the stump has still not come out, but there is a new freedom in the front yard. Possibilities for grass to actually grow. Two other trees that were hidden by this one are now showing off their beauty. More people have complimented the front porch. I can see at this moment my front lawn pictures where I am drifting. I am the planet who lost it's tree somehow and I have looked at a hundred photos of my life wondering for awhile if there was anywhere else to go. Honestly blogging about who I really am is opening my eyes. New orbits are beginning to appear that I might actually want to attach to.......................