12.03.09
Who I want to be.....The philanthropist who not only has everything he wants, but enough to solve global issues as well! It is amazing what a small piece of the universe Planet Carol truly is- a pebble on the smallest meteor out there! If I go into the city I am the unnoticed worker in a colony of ants. Those who live in my 4 square mile universe would more likely call me the Queen Bee. Queen over what? I am observing my life under a microscope and finding that the pull to find myself is all happening within me. I've lived outside myself. I see a need and become the Queen Bee and direct my heart out to make sure it is met. This can be very rewarding in and of itself for the moment, but we live in a world of vast need and meeting one is quickly forgotten in the multiple needs that appear immediately after! All the while I am busy directing need meeting there are needs inside my own heart that are ignored each minute, each hour, each day, each month, each year- and gone unmet I have become so needy myself that I no longer have anything to give and find myself helpless in becoming the Queen Bee over myself. Where I have typically been motivated and energized to help others- the energy to fix my own planet eludes me. With the exception of 2 adorable grandchildren I seem to have zero motivation for needed repairs...............