Cocky is not a word I would have ever used to describe myself, though I have succumbed to being called “spoiled rotten”. On one side I have loved ones telling me I don’t choose to take care of myself and on the other side I have those who think- well I guess I haven’t really figured out what they think! The question I need the answer to is what do I know about myself to be true?


Life is simply a drawing of the choices we have made. If I have the choice between which rose I want pictured above I don’t even have to think about it- I want the one standing tall and opened to perfection and will dispose of the drooping rose without a thought. In this situation it doesn’t make any real impact on life- they have both been picked and will ultimately die anyway. But as I look on my attitude in that choice I see myself as Merle Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada”. I know what I know and I am not going to consider anything else or any consequences of the way I act down the road- I just bulldoze through and when the machine bigger than I hits and knocks me down I am surprised and hurt, but don’t change anything.

If the roses were a CEO vs homeless person, chocolate vs broccoli, housework vs time with children, perfect yard vs outing with husband, church vs golf etc… it is obvious that our choice may have long term effects we don’t consider until it is too late. There is no perhaps to it any longer…to leave the repair dock healthy I have had to come to terms with the fact I don’t know nearly as much as I always thought I did. I’m listening……….

There was a time in my lifetime (which has only been a short while) that the word stress would bring attention, concern and friends rallying to help. Now when you say you are under stress the most common reaction is “You ought to hear my list!” Everyone is too stressed out in their own situation to even hear or pay attention when someone is speaking to them.

I have been doing more listening while docked for repairs and am amazed that many conversations have people talking mostly about themselves- constantly interrupting each other not allowing one another to even finish a thought. Their need for their own situation to be addressed has robbed them from the ability to share in another’s. Overload. This usually leads to the search for who is to blame and zeal to rip up the “bad guy”! No doubt there are situations where this is appropriate, but the emphasis of our daily lives cannot be fueled by our frustrations, disappointments or anger. That fuel is of poor quality and brings destruction to the engine and other vital parts of the planet we operate. We also use up more fuel in a stressed a state.

It has come to my attention that if I truly want to operate with satisfaction in my life and reach new destinations in my future I may need to pay a higher price for better fuel in my tank! God’s gifts are free, but receiving them may cost me my selfishness, jealousy, and better priorities with my time. I for one shall seek to “Put a little love in the tank today”- the kind that stops and looks at the person talking to me………..

Fantasy is great. Dreams are great. They often build hope within us when we feel lost. After all if Meg Ryan can find true love in Paris and the Book Store Owner can marry a movie star in Notting Hill there may be hope for those looking for love. Empty glass slippers in all sizes and shapes hiding in the hands of a prince of a guy somewhere out there! If Harrison Ford can prove his innocence after being charged with the murder of his wife perhaps our hope for justice will grow. He further saves his family from the Terrorists who take over his home -perhaps our hope for safety in a dangerous world will emerge. The problem is when we live our life in fantasy rather than allowing it to be the entertainment and fun it is designed to be.


The photo above is a family favorite. My Mom is married to her best friend’s brother, who in turn married my Mom’s brother. That put them in life together forever- sharing the good the bad and the ugly no matter what. Behind those bars in the photo are a lot of good memories. But for those of us who have been to jail to visit family or friend- how different the reality is! There are no Aunt Bea’s bringing baskets of home cooked food- today you can’t even see the person- you talk through TV screens.

“You couldn’t possibly understand what I am feeling” becomes the cry of any of us when fantasy depicts the opposite of our experience and hurt and resentment can grow like dandelions in the summer- ruining our view of what we have- we can only see the weeds. In the darkness this past year I hit a path of weeds that stalled me completely. I saw them as separate from me- something that crossed my path I had no control over. That was true in the beginning, but I allowed them to grow and multiply as I responded incorrectly to the situation. Psalm 112:4 says, “Even in darkness light dawns for the upright, for the gracious and compassionate and righteous man.” (Message Bible) My new favorite phrase has become I am nobody (me) with somebody (Jesus) living in me! It is His view of the situation that brings the dawning of light. May I have His eyes today………..

Sometimes it is difficult to focus on what we are seeing. We may stare in curiosity until we get a definition that satisfies us and on we go “with our own interpretation” which of course becomes reality. How surprised I am to find out over and over that what “I thought I saw” was in fact completely wrong! The photo above is a distorted view of the pier in Naples, Florida. Though it appears to be the sunrise here- it is really the sun setting. In my quest to conquer the confusion in my sputtering planet I have discovered several reasons why I am so often wrong.


1. I really don’t care that much about the situation so any interpretation is fine.

2. Busyness of life keeps me from taking the time to truly focus and consider the details.

3. Shocking, but true, my mind was fixed on the answer before I ever looked.

4. Jesus said to esteem others better than yourself- I often haven’t.

5. My picture of who I am is not the perception of those who look at me. I am finding out their perceptions are most often correct.

It is time for new glasses- perhaps a new guidance system can be installed before I engage in any serious journeys in the universe. I’d like to be so controlled by the wisdom of the Holy Spirit that my focus is 20/20. Then I can write about why I am more often on the mark………………………….

Today is the first day of spring and almost everyone who hears that spoken will smile.  Spring is a very positive word. It brings new beginnings. Children jumping on the bed have become an icon of America and all because of the design using springs! The lady pictured here is my Mom- almost 80 years old, but described as just a “spring chicken” among her peers! What a hope image for us all Flowers fighting through still hard and cold soil bring the hope of a pretty scene. Sighting baby ducks waddling after their Moms in the park thrill us no matter what our age. It is the sign of life going on and the hope of fun being a part of it.

Some of you of course are thinking spring cleaning. I actually offered to help my husband with my official “honey-do” list this morning- it was a moment of spring in my heart- unexpected energy to pursue what I usually choose to ignore! As I work on taxes today (another sign of Spring-ha) I will meditate a favorite verse:

“..those who wait for the Lord (Who expect , look for, and hope in Him) shall change and renew their strength and power; they shall lift their wings and mount up (close to God) as eagles (mount up to the sun); they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint or become tired.” Isaiah 40: 31. Perhaps some “zing” is returning to this planet….......

There is nothing like the first time experience or first success. The first basket in basketball- the first haircut- the first 5 lbs lost- or as pictured above the first front tooth gone! We all have things we have never done, but thought about trying which is why I love the movie “The Bucket List”. There is always hope. It is a choice for us to make.  My experience in life is we will do what we really want to do. When there is no money we find a way if we really want to have/do something. I have talked about writing for years and haven’t done it- yet now I am. It became so important to me that I have chosen to not do other things and make it happen.

Though I am not rich or famous as a result, I have found that in our society where people no longer take time to actually talk to each other have very common threads of thought and experience in daily life. Those who have commented to me about my site tell me they have strongly related to my search to make clear meaning out of life. It’s a first for me and it feels really good just to be doing it! I am a grandmother (very young one of course!) but today I know that there are many firsts to come in my future. God uses us simple people to impact the world. Planet Carol needs a lot of work and the project is overwhelming to me, but we serve a Lord who doesn’t throw away “the used cars” - He offers complete restoration! Only time will tell, but I’m thinking this planet will re-enter orbit- the universe still needs shining lights to encourage others to keep going…………………….

Did you ever take a shot and you were absolutely sure you had a bull’s-eye? Usually that means something great, but sometimes we have that certainty about things that aren’t so great. Thus was the case for me this past week- I was sure, I was at peace, but to my great joy and the relief of family and friends I was so wrong not only did the arrow miss the target it flew somewhere in space and can’t even be found!


If I decide to analyze what went wrong with my aim I figure I will spend an extra star date decade in repairs and still may not find an answer. Instead I’ve decided to own that I missed the target, but was not “off” in my heart, intentions, or desire to be the right thing and do as I felt the Lord leading. I just trust Him even more knowing that as I take steps whether I stumble or get it right He is always there. He told me in the midst of this week:

“Lord, who has been gracious and faithful unto me

Will not leave me as a fool without His comforting.”