Mom is 80! My sister and I have been planning for weeks to make things very special for this birthday and it turned out perfect. There was lots of fun and laughter. Nearing the end of a week-long celebration- just about the time we thought about how perfect “we had” done everything- something happened. As we were leaving PF Changs where Mom had enjoyed her favorite Maui Maui Fish Dinner my sister strongly suggested I walk directly in front of her. Confused, I just said ok and my Mom started laughing. When we got outside I was appalled to find there was a rip in my favorite jeans. As you can see pictured above it wasn’t a rip- it was a 10 inch tear! I never heard it rip, felt it rip, felt air seeping through the opening or felt anything funny while sitting. No telling how many people were entertained by my outfit that day- it is very popular fashion for the young, but obviously accidental on me!

Recalling this moment has caused me to meditate on how many times in life have I been the “queen bee” fluttering to and fro directing the party or event feeling just great about myself, but never stopping to see what others were seeing. There is nothing bad about that, because often what others are laughing about or sitting dully about while others are laughing has nothing to do with me and should not affect my self esteem. The point is that if I never stop to check myself it is possible others are observing something about me I am completely unaware of that may or may not be desirable. It may be something that has crept in that I never saw, heard, or felt and yet there it is- the 10 inch rip! Taking time to stop and check ourselves is a luxury we (busy Moms especially) feel we can’t afford. I see now it is a choice. Not spending time alone considering who I am and if I am truly the person I think I am is a prime reason for function failure on Planet Carol. As I choose to consider these things I am finding that many of the answers are not what I thought they were. Facing them head on is hard, but I live in greater peace and satisfaction the more honest I am with myself and others. I have been off ice cream for a couple months, but messed up on the all sugar fast when a mini crisis came yesterday and I ate the last piece of Mom’s birthday cake I had so carefully avoided. That was followed up with a couple slices of heavenly banana bread. Truth. Perfection is a goal that Jesus set before us, but I for one am more aware there will always be bumps in the pursuit. Its ok- we are normal. Those of you taking the Stop Drop and Roll Course along with me- We can choose to stop - Jesus loves us this we know………