You haven’t seen anything as horrific as or funnier than me doing a belly flop on a cement floor!  No photos this time!  I was just walking my normal walk and the toe of my sandal caught an upraised metal carpeting door strip and I flew and flopped!  Two friends and my grandson witnessed this flight and were immediately there to help.  After sitting a few minutes and having a sip of water I regained my composure and accessed there was no serious damage.  To my amazement my grandson had the strength to help me up!  Ten minutes later I was delivering a short speech from the platform of our church as we were honoring our pastor whom I have shared friendship with since college.  My daughter said I seemed “different” but no one else noticed a thing!

 

It is always the morning after in these cases.  Accessing myself then I found there was nothing that didn’t hurt!  Though I am fine, there will be more days of walking through the healing process.  Truly this is a perfect example of so many instances in our lives where it goes by so fast- we quickly process- and we run on.  Later we wake up in pain.  It might be the pain of words spoken without thinking that later cause hurt in relationship- doing a job poorly only to have to do it over- not taking time to stop and play with a child only to find him no longer a child in the blink of an eye- Not standing up for someone when they needed you only to watch them suffer when you could have helped.  Just a few of the things that happen to us all in our busy traffic patterns every day and yet we don’t change.  In the same way that my children want to buy me a helmet (this was not the first fall) I believe God would like to place speed bumps on these roads we race down to prevent us from missing so much.  His speed bumps are not sickness or trips to hurt us, but rather an urging of the Holy Spirit within us so strong we can’t ignore it is there, but we can choose to ignore to respond to it and miss a blessing.  Distraction is the main reason we miss these urgings in our heart.  In work or play I want to stay focused to hear His voice………..

On a day quite far in the future I will be someone still cute but old.  I can picture it now and there is not one doubt that I will still direct my life. Today as I write I confess for its true-even now I’m not good at doing what I am told even if it is really best for me!  I am asking God to help me to recall my mother’s laugh at eighty-one and her reaching up to kiss my cheek.  As short as I am she is still very small to me (though my family declares I am shrinking right now!).   I consider her a hope image of many things I’d like to be.  Her mother lived till 96 and I expect that she will too- another reason to rejoice in this day!

 

A call came Friday night as Mom had taken a fall, so my evening of shopping alone with the windows rolled down enjoying a gorgeous night was detoured to the emergency room.  The wait was long even though she had come in an ambulance. My sister came with dinner- it was so good and her presence brought sunshine to Mom in the moment.  Thankfully all x-rays and CT scans showed no breaks or problems.  We headed home close to midnight by way of McDonald’s for a happy meal- a favorite treat when Mom misses supper.

 

Later as I drove myself home in the middle of the night having settled Mom and tucked her in bed there was a joy that rose in my heart. Smiling and giggling alone in my car my love for Mom just consumed me. I grabbed a pen to make a few notes as I never want to forget this moment of reflecting upon sharing life with her. When I bring her four cases of Diet Pepsi, three boxes of Kleenex, and twelve rolls of toilet tissue she does a little dance of delight like a child on Christmas Day.  She always reaches out with grateful hugs for any thing I do- I realize it’s the simple things that truly make her feel secure.  Heartfelt appreciation for simple tasks done- so lacking in a world of demand!  Mom can’t remember what she had for lunch, if anyone called or came by.  However she’ll tell me the food was good, and she has been busy and having lots of fun! 

 

For many more years as I prepare to leave her home I’ll get repeated hugs, kisses and waves goodbye!  Since it’s hard to imagine what exactly I’ll be like in this far in the future day- I am writing these thoughts so I can compare my behavior with Moms- one who is a special joy in my life today………

“He’s eight.  I read an article about this.  All children are hideous at the age of eight.”  So says Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle though he has a discussion with his son after the incident. I have an eight year old grandchild and teach many eight year olds piano.  Believe me there is nothing out there for you to read to be prepared for emotions of an eight year old!   In addition if you think you know what they are thinking you may be delusional- more often than not it is not at all what we think.  It is shocking how many times I have corrected a mistake during a lesson only to be glared at by an eight year old who declares. “That is what I just played” in a grumpy smart aleck tone.  Upon convincing them of the correct way I have never received an apology without asking for it. This is Happy Music Class and I am committed to making every lesson fun.  There is no ruler slapping fingers, but I have been known to withhold a sticker or use five minutes of a lesson to teach about respect.  My attitude has changed in recent years from one of disgust that this child should know better to one with more sensitivity due to the fact I know nothing of what they experienced that day or any other!  The lack of respect and undisciplined behavior is appalling in this generation.  A photo sat on my parent’s dresser of all of the children with the scripture taped to it-

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  Proverbs 22:6

The first half of this verse is our job- the second half is our faith.

Unsettling is putting it mildly that every eight year old has a friend at school or in the neighborhood who is dealing with divorce, has a parent in jail, knows about a family losing their car or home, and often even someone abused.  My grandson upon arriving at camp for the first time this summer announced loudly at the registration table, “My Mom is a lawyer!”  He also let them know he didn’t like the time supper was being served.  He was ridiculous in choosing his bunk complaining it was too hard.  None of this was normal behavior for “Mr. Socialite” and of course my daughter pulled him aside for a serious talk.  Then I figured it out.  He had some fears in spite of his excitement of going to camp. I handed my daughter a snack before I left them to chat longer.  He was too busy jumping off the diving board to wave goodbye when we left, but the reality check that even the safest places we have investigated thoroughly may not feel safe to a child today.  We cannot do enough to love and protect them from all we can.  They are hearing things we wish they didn’t’ so listening and helping them process is more important than ever.  If you cross the path of an eight year old today smile, hug them, make them laugh.  For most of us the world was easier to deal with when we were eight…………

It’s a home run!  Kids never consider that there won’t be one.  The excitement and anticipation of what is inevitable in their minds is more than enough to keep them involved (plus of course a hot dog!)  When was the last time I jumped for joy?  Oh, it was yesterday when I got two seven letter words in a row on my scrabble games!  Of course hearing that I was to be a grandma again would be on my “jump for joy list” this year, but the truth is if I only jump for joy when the astounding or amazing happens it is a wake-up call that I am forgetting how to play.  The countenance of a child who is not allowed to play is not a pleasant sight.  Being the transparent person that I am the same is true for me- people know when I am not taking time to play because I am not as pleasant to be around.  Being raised by a Navy Chief Petty officer meant play was earned at my house.  The chore list ruled and inspections were tiresome and sometimes fearsome!  “Will I get to play?” was the question lingering in my mind.

 

An important part of my journey this past year has been relearning to play.  I had been trained so well that I have felt guilty for playing anytime I hadn’t worked really hard to earn it.  I am amazed I still have friends who have put up with that over the years- always too busy earning the right and rarely giving myself freedom to enjoy myself even after a job well done!  People actually did avoid me at times knowing I would do my best to con them into joining me in my workaholic activities which in and of themselves were “righteous and good”.  Today I am going to play because people who love me want to interact with a happy, rested, focused person.  Everyone has their own personal issues going on so a breath of fresh air is always welcome- a reason to hope!  No one likes to be preached to, but most of us are relieved to find a place where we can relax and just enjoy life for a moment.  My hope is in God.  Thankfully His Word is “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24.  I can do that playing…….

Is there anyone out there having any trouble interpreting this photo?  “Tell me the way to go home…. I’m tired and I want to go to bed!”  Somehow my life has always been my living from event to event.  There have been only rare moments of looking at a blank calendar.  This is a self inflicted addiction.  I’m a holiday girl.  Give me a reason to hang a new wreath, decorate, create an invitation, or slip someone a small gift and I’m on it!  I drive people crazy because I just can’t “not make a big deal” out of everything!  At the same time they love me for it.  So this morning when I really am too tired to function the phrase my best friend and I share comes to mind.  “It’s time to turn the volume down!” The past two days I haven’t wanted to listen to the radio in the car- I needed silence.  A verified cell phone twenty-four seven junkie and I hit the off button for an hour. It was hard- Mom might need me, a daughter is pregnant, business calls!  When I turn it off it always is the moment of emergency and the horror of not being able to find me….. Yes, definitely a personal problem.

I have learned the hard way (getting sick etc…) the world can function just fine without me.  Yet I love being in the middle of it with those I love and care about. Today I see the energizer bunny running from one end of the teeter-totter to the other making it go up and down single-handedly- truly believing that it is important to keep it moving.  “What a fool am I!” and yet kind of cute and funny tooJ  Well, for today I shall give myself a break.  I wouldn’t wish this tired on anyone else so I have decided not to accept it for myself either.  When I asked the children last Sunday how many days it took God to create the earth they all said seven!  I had to repent of not teaching them clearly the example God set for us in the beginning….God created the earth in six days….and on the seventh day He rested, blessed His work, and sanctified it.  I’m just saying I going back to bed……

Towanda strikes again!  I will never forget walking up the sidewalk when my grandchildren were about three and five and finding my daughter swinging an axe. Her son also had an axe and little bit had a hammer both swinging helping Mommy tear down a metal shed in the backyard.  Thus the name “Towanda” was born.  My daughter can go for months or even years like all the rest of us with a project list somewhere around the house we plan to do “someday”.  Then out of nowhere- when you least expect it- she decides to take on the outrageous do it yourself plan.   Since the shed she has taken on other jobs including going on the roof to install air conditioners and tearing out her bathroom floor and creating a one of a kind tile floor which is really quite creative. Last week Towanda appeared again and I was sent this photo of moving the dishwasher and sink.  The stove and refrigerator will go next as this room is being changed to my granddaughters bedroom. The dining room will become a great room including the kitchen.  Having never recovered from the metal shed incident, she knows I won’t be over, but appreciates my cheering her on exchanging texts and photos.

When the project is finished she will bask in the victory of overcoming another hurdle in life.  Accomplishing something she feels very important to her family’s comfort and well being.  As a Mom I would like for things to happen a little easier.  They are a very typical hardworking American family living in a time where extras are hard to come by for all of us.  I am thankful her response is not to give up, but always believe what you really want can be possible if you take action.  Motivation is not my strongest point these days.  I stay very busy with my piano students, family, and children’s ministry yet there are other things that have remained on my project list I still have yet to attempt!  When Towanda is finished and I go and see the new rooms perhaps I will gain courage to take a step of my own…………..

I have a story to tell.  Some of you are already laughing.  Everyone who knows me prepares themselves to hear a story whenever I appear.  Most of them are pretty interesting and entertaining.  Some are shocking.  I don’t consider any of them irrelevant as they always seem to touch a spot somewhere in the listeners own experiences of life.  On the downside I can be long- winded as one of my daughters will often say, “Get to the point, Mom!”  However, the truth is I have a story to tell that hasn’t been told.  The hesitation to tell it is related to what affect that it might have on the characters.  Though I would certainly not consider myself a private person, I am sensitive and empathetic to the feelings others causing me to not reveal details which makes some of my writing vague to you the reader.  (For all you speculators out there my marriage is in better shape than most people I know!)

I just finished reading “The Help” which is now a movie.  I can honestly say no book has ever impacted me like this one.  Just as the movie “Julie and Julia” inspires us to blog, this book has inspired me to write my story. My story will address completely different facts, but as “The Help” shocking truth.  What we don’t talk about may in fact hold the keys to freedom for many of us. However, sometimes remaining bound in ignorance is more comfortable.   Another excuse is “Problem Pile Up”- a common term these days.  It is exhausting to sort through everything happening to us and attempt to organize ourselves. Actually addressing one or two of our problems to find a solution can be overwhelming!  I have had hour long conversations with family, friends, and newer acquaintances this week that are all stuck in the middle of their problems like a mouse in a maze who can’t find his way out.  With all that going on it is easy to cast aside the story of the deeper issues which have been the most challenging for us to face!  If we do when the story is shared there will be reactions and a price to be paid.  Today I continue to write “Glimpses in My Journey” that I feel are so important to validate. Experiences God meant for us to enjoy, learn from, and feel good about.  For everything there is a time, a season, and then comes change……

After descending the 75 step spiral staircase I knew I was in trouble.  I was sure the brochure mentioned something about 50 steps.  The trail ahead was full of steps!  It was the final day of Grandma Camp and I wanted the day to be perfect. However, my granddaughter was in a skirt and we were both wearing flip-flops- such great preparation for a cave hike!  Retreat was not an option and our early tour was with just one other family so it was very relaxed.  My grandson took the lead with the guide and was in heaven learning some new things, but of course also discussing his knowledge of the cave creating equality between the guide and himselfJ.  My granddaughter was more cautious and early on noticed my slowness to bring up the rear. 

The cave was beautiful and interesting so it was easy to distract her away from my struggle in the beginning, but when she hollered out, “Slow down, grandma needs a minute!” the truth was clear to all.  Thankfully no one commented.  About fifteen minutes later the sixth staircase of 20 or so steps appeared. I consulted the guide about exactly how far we were into our journey.  He assured me we were close to the end and then would simply retrace the path.  I climbed the last twenty steps finding myself on a small bridge with a river rushing under my feet. A short distance away a beautiful small waterfall appeared.  My favorite thing- a photo spot! 

Finally we turned back.  I didn’t voice any concern, but then I heard-“Hey you guys, wait for grandma!”  Soon after the guide announced the lights were going to be turned off and we would experience total darkness.  When the switch was hit immediately my grandson was hollering “I can see!  I can see!”  The guide patiently explained that his eyes were trying to find light and that causes some people to see flashes while their eyes adjust.  My granddaughter, clinging to me tightly, clearly stated at least five times, “I can’t see anything.  Turn the lights back on.” 

It was soon over.  Everyone disappeared up the staircase except for the guide, my granddaughter and I.  I offered to let the guide go ahead since it would take me longer, but of course he had to be last.  We started up.  It wound so closely you couldn’t see more than three steps ahead of you.  At ten steps I was already deep breathing and took a break. I started stopping a moment probably every six steps or so. My breathing became so obvious my granddaughter asked if I was going to have a heart attack.  I assured her I would make it fine- just slowly.  Then we heard my grandson yelling from somewhere above us, “Come on you guys- there are a lot more steps!”  After a couple more stops he hollered the same thing again.  I spoke to the guide behind me whom I couldn’t see, “We are at least half way, right?”  He assured me we were and thus the journey went slowly to the top, with grandson hollering down and granddaughter all but attempting to carry me! 

Upon reaching the final step the guide appeared behind me.  I had enough strength to say "chair" which he graciously led me to. I sent the kids to get our water bottles in the car.  We sat for twenty minutes until I was breathing normal and laughing.  It was a great time overall and a beautiful adventure drive home using unfamiliar roads to reach the city.  When we met up with my daughter I simply said, “Sweetheart your Mom has a very healthy heart.  I passed my stress test today.”

Young children have been my focus and captured my heart for many years.  As a children’s minister, school teacher, piano teacher, camp leader and most recently a grandmother these little minds never cease to amaze me.  It makes me cringe to remember times I was not tuned in and operated like a sergeant rather than a teacher.  Along the way I did learn some things: 

1. Children are real people who deserve love and respect.
2. Children always know more than you think they do about whatever is happening around them.
3. A child’s spirit and zest for life can easily be broken if mistreated and when it is the repair is difficult.
4. Children need to be heard.  If we don’t take time to listen to them they will either hibernate within themselves or find someone to listen whose response may harden their hearts rather than nurture them lovingly. 

I am concerned about our children.  As the nation cries for improvements in the Education System I cry for the children in the classroom.  My concern is illustrated well in a children’s book “All Because a Little Bug went Ker-choo!”  The bug sneezes and that blows a leaf.  The leaf hits a frog causing him to jump out of the water which causes a stone to fly…in the end there is a parade that ends in humorous disaster all because a little bug went ker-choo!   Pressure for performance from the top is being passed down through all the chains of command to the degree that by the time it reaches the classroom the teachers are so stressed they can no longer afford to nurture our children.  Get to know them personally.  Respect them as individuals who are unique in their strengths and weaknesses.  The focus is on making the goal no matter what and in less than two weeks of school even the teacher who desires to help all children has already labeled the children in their class who are seen as a liability in achieving their academic goals. 

As I look around I must say we are losing something very important in setting idyllic goals and often unreasonable expectations. It is called respect for the human being.  Respect means we are willing to engage in a relationship with another person (including a child) and build confidence and positive self esteem by encouraging one another in our strengths.  Yes we have the possibility of inventing the newest technology, but also and more importantly, there is an opportunity for each of us to take our place in a love starved society and truly care about someone.   Everywhere you go now you see the word simple.  Everyone is craving simplicity.  Here it is:  See the child.  Hear the child. Love the Child.  That will teach the child the most important thing they need to know- I am special.

The beautiful quilt my grandmother gave me while in collage is now frayed showing the wear and tear of regular use over the years.  At the end of most busy days you will find me wrapped under it on the couch reading. I am still comforted by it’s warmth in pink, green, and white hues which match nothing I own!  While savoring this moment my husband comes in and sticks a Roma tomato in my face.  Slightly irritated I look up and see a glimmer of tear in his eye.  “It’s a tomato” I said.  “Yes’ he replied, “But not just any tomato.  Today our grandson came to me when we arrived at his house after school holding both hands out each holding a Roma tomato.  He said, “You pick one Papa.  I want you to have it.”  I realized they were from his first garden tended completely on his own.  I couldn’t choose so he handed me the biggest!”  We have the tomato pictured above on the kitchen window sill- I don’t know if we will ever eat it!

The true value of a thing is very personal.  Quilters would scold me and say you have ruined a valuable work of art that is probably worth a good price.  Yes, it has been a gift of love that was given to me which I have kept close by my side. As the commercial says, "It is priceless.”  Tomatoes are eaten by the millions every day without a thought, but none of them were grown by our 10 year old grandson who will carry on a love of gardening that started with helping Papa as a toddler.  Gratitude:  thankful appreciation for favors received.  Feeling alone, unappreciated, taken for granted, overwhelmed?  Look around, perhaps in your house you will find a memory of a moment when someone truly cared or looked up to you.  Whether you do come away empty handed (which I sincerely doubt you will) or not- join me as I open the front door and walk outside gazing at the sky and feeling the warm breeze ripple through my hair.  Repeat after me:   “You are the God who sees me!  Genesis 16:13”.   There is nothing like gratitude to change your outlook on life!