There are undeniable moments of routine in our life that bring a feeling that rushes through our being unsolicited. A perfect example is “TGIF”- for every working person that has a Monday-Friday schedule there is a rush of relief that a break from the normal routine has arrived and though work may follow them home there is a moment of being our from under the daily demands. We may work in our pajamas. We may decide to dust or not to dust- it is our time to dictate whether or not responsibilities follow us into that time. Another example is the mother who sends husband to the office and children off to school in order to regain control of the home after a chaotic weekend. Even if neither of these examples ring true for you there is a timing that enters and you feel the relief if even for a moment that you are free from the regular routine that dictates your life. I have found that everyone ultimately has decision making power over their life. We all find time and make a way to do what we truly want to do even if we refuse to admit it and hide the personal freedom time and money we use from those around us. It is what we choose to do with these moments that truly define who we are and what is important to us.

As I have floated and sputtered in the universe these past months I have paid attention to what it is am I truly choosing. Not knowing what we really want is common. Children with a room full of toys can’t find anything to play with! Teens with a closet full of clothes can’t decide what to wear. Moms with housework out of control can’t decide where to start. Someone with a stack of bills isn’t sure who to pay first. Busy adults whose lives are driven solely by career and projects of passion can’t find their “empty box” and relax. I have flown to the beach for a week and found it takes the first 3 days just to come down from the “high” of life and begin to enjoy the waves and the sun and allow myself that pleasure. When I hit that wall months back I was so overwhelmed I truly had no idea where to start and spent some weeks just going through the day without experiencing myself at all- just doing what seemed necessary each hour. Then I began to experience moments of satisfaction in the day and I began to pay attention to what it was that brought that. It wasn’t the accomplishments that brought recognition to what a wonderful “worker bee” I am and how that was helping the world around me. It was the little joys- the personal moments alone enjoying a flow of creativity making something- time alone at the piano with the Lord- reading and writing- paying complete attention to a conversation without my mind running other places while listening! I realized that all my life I have felt the need to justify every action that was just for me- I believed I had to earn “my time off” and if you took a close look at how I was living you would quickly see that I rarely earned it in my estimation so I just kept “working”. I’m sure that if you are a counselor or mental health professional reading this you could “textbook” my case and I already know there are many “like me” out there!

Stopping for awhile and watching what I am doing has brought me to a new place of freedom. If I believe that I was created a unique being by God primarily for His pleasure I see clearly that ignoring the uniqueness of who I am in Him and with Him is a loss to both of us. I have cared more about what you think and how my life affects you (those connected to me) than I have about what He thinks and what intimate relationship with the Lord ultimately can bring to the world around me. I can tell many stories where I know that I have inspired others, but I have been blind to more stories that show that I was deceived in thinking I had it all together and was being an inspiration when in reality my life only caused others to say I don’t want to be connected with her life! I like to write, I like to play piano and write music, I like to make things, I love teaching children and a good book may keep me up all night. These are not things I have to earn the time to enjoy- these are the things that make me unique. Perhaps if we learn to celebrate our uniqueness and appreciate the uniqueness in those we love we may be able to better understand the uniqueness of God- creator of the world with a plan for relationship without competition. This plan became hidden from our eyes because we took our world out of His hands and attempted to control it on our own. As for me- I recognize I have made some serious messes on my trail and I’m ready to hand it back to the One who understands what He created and how He meant for it to work…………….