I was playing a hot potato game with children the first Sunday of the Year and the person who was caught had to give the year of their birth- if one of the staff got caught a child guessed the year they were born. When I caught it my chosen child declared 1830. I look great for someone going on 200- but then again as the years go by it is undeniable that creaks, quirks, and shortness of breath occasionally appear I’ve always blamed weight for any of those symptoms, but my husband who can still wear his wedding suit was breathing hard after carrying all the Christmas boxes up this year. I personally don’t believe in retirement- if you have followed any of my writing you know that busyness is my middle name- but the truth is that at this point in my life if I don’t stop and rest there seems to always be a physical price to pay!

So what’s the dilemma you may ask? It’s the perfect excuse to get the younger ones to step up to the plate. I’ve put in years of labor- why not take it easy now and enjoy it? I’ll tell you why- there is burning inside me a lot of things I intended to do- even as recently as the past five years- and I want to do them. Call me stupid, but I love being there for others in a world that has no mercy! I want to be an encourager who not only says, “You can do it!”, but also takes actions to make the journey easier or in some cases possible. Some say to me that I am just “killing myself”. If that has any truth at all it has nothing to do with what I am doing- it would be related to the things I am not doing to keep myself strong. You know the list- eating right, exercise, etc…. In addition there is a spiritual need within me that ignored will place me in danger. It is not what I have done- It is what I have not done! That is why I have grace and mercy for others- I am so aware of how much I need it!

II Peter 3:18 in the Amplified Bible says, “…grow in grace (underserved favor, spiritual strength)……” I have experienced both definitions in my life, but have focused on the undeserved favor part. Today I am wondering about the spiritual strength part. Why this past year have I experienced depression and extreme weariness when most all other years of my life I can give story after story of standing through difficulties that were emotionally and physically impossible for me, yet a supernatural spiritual strength held me up? I know exactly how it feels to be under the dome of protection with Jesus while the universe twirls around me- it’s great. Perhaps I took my dome for granted and no longer spent time keeping it strong, repaired, and real. Sounds like work which I don’t feel like doing, but I can’t eat a cake that isn’t baked (or that I went to the bakery to buy).

I laugh every time I hear Bob in the movie “What About Bob” cry, “ I need, I need, I need!” to his therapist on vacation. I need. I want. And the world would tell us to work hard enough to have all that we need or want. I think I will meditate grace defined as supernatural strength. I don’t see a lot of satisfaction and happiness in the world and those are the two words I want said about my life- I was happy and satisfied with a lot to share…………..