After floating in the Universe for some several months a reattachment has begun. It has felt like putting gas in a car only a gallon at a time. Surges of strength come to do things and then at some point I sputter and stop- a refill necessary to go again. At the same time there is an awakening in me to do things I have always wanted to do or have always loved to do and those things are flowing smoothly to the point I feel energized after having done them. So what exactly is the difference? Of course Planet Carol would like to find the smooth path in all things, after all as an American we believe that is our right?????

A word in my life that has caused a lot of conflict for me is the word obedience. To this day I don’t really understand it fully and rarely get it right. My Dad was a military man and hospital corners were a requirement when making your bed. I can remember as a teenager thinking I was really going to be in trouble for something and my Dad would hardly respond and then a few days later having no idea I had done anything wrong I would be in “hot water”. The word obedience has been so abused by the church that I can’t stand to listen to preachers who demand their congregation obey the scriptures they have selected while ignoring the majority of the true message of the Bible- unconditional love! We have all seen a young child obey grudgingly rolling their eyes or screaming while doing it. I love the Dennis the Menace cartoon where he is in the chair facing the corner and his thought is “I’m sitting here now, but on the inside I’m standing up!” Jesus said, “Not my will, but thine be done”. How did He do that? He really meant it.

I have lived enough years to be able to say I have spent many of them trying to comply with rules that supposedly would change my circumstance. Of course the top of the list is following a diet to make me look like a model (which actually worked in 1977-my favorite photos of myself!). Close second would be following a devotion regime to keep me spiritual. Posting scripture in the house to meditate describing a behavior I was lacking and wanted to attain. Working beyond the 2nd mile to encourage others to do the same (when in hindsight all it did was caused them to run away when they saw me). Now don’t misunderstand me, in the midst of these times my heart was right and most often I did find some satisfaction and sometimes a true breakthrough. But that person didn’t make it in the long run- Planet Carol did get lost along the way. As I meditate on the word obedience in my life I see that it has been a word that means it is all up to me- I am fully in control and responsible for the outcomes I enjoy or suffer. Is that God’s plan? For me to fix myself up to be a planet that is significant and can hold their rotation so the universe doesn’t experience destruction because my pieces are falling apart and ramming into other planets? Obviously this is not the plan and hasn’t worked!

I found a verse today that may be the key to putting me back in my orbit stronger than ever. It is Philippians 3:13 Amplified Bible- “(Not in your own strength) for it is God Who is all the while effectually at work in you (energizing and creating in you the power and desire), both to will and to work for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight.”
It’s time for me to leave my terrible two’s and stop fighting the very things that will bring me peace and joy. I can’t do it. I’ve proven that. But I believe in a God who not only can, but wants to flow through me and make my life significant for His good pleasure and satisfaction and delight. What a legacy that would be…..