Dizzy.  Yes I got dizzy watching my husband run around the bench where I sat contentedly in the sunshine sipping a drink.  Ten times he circled around me to get back on the Space Mountain Roller Coaster at Disney World.  We were celebrating a wedding anniversary during the month of February so there were no lines. Of course he begged me to go with him! However, I could not respond to his heartfelt desire to share his fun as roller coasters terrify me as nothing else can do.  There is however a roller coaster that appears in my life regardless of my resistance.  Yesterday just doing the regular daily routine the ride began with an incline that found me shouting with joy at the top of my lungs!   We are getting our first tax refund in twenty years and it is substantial enough to cover several major pressures of life.  I was dancing with joy coming down that curve.  Then there was a small bump on the track momentarily interrupting my joy when the now sixteen month old grandson helped himself to a dozen eggs which he enjoyed dumping out of the carton onto the kitchen floor.

Within the hour another major concern was deleted as the details worked out to allow my husband to update his insulin pump.  He is my bionic man- this machine has proven to be so amazing in controlling his blood sugar and keeping him healthy over the past decade.  Joy continued to rule- (I imagined myself casually holding the safety bar of the coaster car with my blonde hair blowing in the wind!)  Work correspondence was next on the list.  I am technically challenged, but used to fighting my way through, so it was no surprise I got a blank screen when I tried to access my email.  It wouldn't even let me X out so I just turned my computer off and on to start again.  After six attempts with the same result I became a bit frazzled and started calling for help.  Nothing was working.  I went online looking for a number to call for technical help.  I got one and they told me I had been hacked so my account was shut down as it was sending out requests for money and perverted emails in my name.  They informed me it would never be reopened as the hacker could affect the emails of “millions” of people.  He did offer to connect me with a technician who could recover my addresses for a hundred and forty dollars which thank God I declined.  (Yes I know- many of you reading this are already saying come on Planet Carol how naive can you be.)  At that moment the fun ride of the day took a much unexpected scary turn and was making my stomach roll.   I made another call to another provider whose number I found online.  He sounded like he was a million miles away, was hard to hear or understand and the background noise was ridiculous.  I was close to tears now and he said I had definitely been compromised and needed to have my computer ghosted.  Again for a few hundred dollars he could connect me to someone who could do it online.  Of course I declined.  But I was convinced I was in serious trouble. I immediately had my online banking disabled.  I called my trusted technician who has served me well for over 10 years back.  He was horrified by this story and told me these major provider companies do not operate like that.  “Where in the world did you get these phone numbers?” he asked. (Google of course)   He went through my computer and found a lot of things he removed and lo and behold my email account was there and just fine. The roller coaster ride ended.  I was exhausted, but all in one piece! 

We all have roller coaster days.  Some would even say every day is like that.  As I look back on yesterday’s ride I am truly grateful for so many things.  I am also challenged to be calmer no matter how fast and scary life may feel at any given moment.  Friends of mine are fighting for their health and life.  This was just a computer glitch.  Perspective is everything.  My prayer today:   Lord, grant me the grace to stop and seek you in everything. Teach me Your ways so that I don’t let the things of this world rob me of standing in your peaceful presence at all times.

Life before MapQuest is a volume of true stories where I often found myself far away from my intended destination. In the beginning there was no cell phone to talk me onto the right road.  Crying daughters missed the birthday party, a fifty mile trip to find our new bank, honking down a policeman in a treacherous neighborhood and then hearing him laughing on his speaker about some “lady” he was waving onto the interstate twenty miles from my exit- just to name a few.  When cell phones became part of life I had several people who so regularly “directed me” they answered asking “Where are you now?”  Mom and I drove places all the time and having been the navigator with the map her entire life she could not understand how I missed receiving the gene that gives you a sense of direction!  She learned to laugh about it and loved telling her own stories about us being “lost again”.

 
There are different emotional responses that emerged when I acknowledged being lost.  When under time pressure or affecting the lives of others (not finding the birthday party) I would become upset and angry with myself or the person who gave me directions.  Other times frightened when like a mouse in a maze I momentarily felt I would never find my way.  However, there also developed an adventuresome spirit of exploration.  I would focus on discovering places I’d never seen and enjoy the ride.  This “lost” game has been played with my husband, children, mother and most recently my grandchildren on grandma camp trips! 

 Today I find myself lost again.  Not behind the wheel of a car on the highway, but contemplating my future and what life has ahead.  In the past year I have talked with people of all ages struggling with that very issue.  What used to be a sure thing in our country no longer is.  Job raises, security, and retirement plans are no longer part of the deal.  People who used to dream big dreams are thankful to be eating with a roof over their heads.  Always the optimist I am holding out for another dream, but finding myself unwilling to work too hard to make it happen.  I recognize the error of my thinking and yet am watching people working themselves literally into the loss of their health and getting no where.  Putting aside anger, frustration, fear, and blame I have decided upon the adventuresome spirit of exploration.  Gloria Gaither said it so well when she declared in her children’s song:

I am a promise,
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"!
I am a great big bundle of potentiality!
And I am learning to hear God's voice and I am tryin'
To make the right choices;
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be!

I don’t know about you, but I am reminded today that now and forever I am God’s kid. I don’t feel lost now and have found my new theme song………..

Photo Coming Soon

There are things we want that quite frankly are just not worth the price we have to pay to get them.   As a result grandma stepped in, because I wanted it too!  I got to the house where the “clothes had been laid out”.  Truth is it took grandson and me thirty-five minutes to come up with the two outfits complete with tights, socks and shoes.  Running late to pick up granddaughter grandson comes out with the shoe shine kit to fix the scuffs on his dress shoes.  Quickly I dab it on, shine a bit and we are off.

Upon arriving at the school the “healthy snack” (fresh pears) was handed out.  My daughter had informed me that since I was going to take them for a photo grandson would have to have a haircut first.  We arrived at the Salon and while he was getting his fancy cut we went shopping for a matching hair bow as one could not be found at the house.  After returning with our perfect find granddaughter went into the Salon restroom to change.  She came out just as the haircut was completed.  A dear grandmother waiting for a perm asked her where she was going looking so pretty.  When she was told it was a photo shoot she instructed the hairdresser to get out his cream to fix the fuzzy hairs escaping from her braids- it had to be done for the photo.  Grandson went to change as the hairdresser complied and it was a truly an amazing completion of the perfect look!  The same lady questioned grandson as he came out in his black slacks and sweater about the chain he was putting on.  “Young man that is not formal enough to wear with that outfit- it will ruin the pose’, she said.  Into my purse it went.

As you might expect the photo shoot was at another mall so off we went ready to go.  There was a short wait, but no one else was there.  First they played with the ‘baby toys’ but quickly bored grandson gave granddaughter a lesson in dancing the minuet.  The twirling dress and fancy moves were indeed entertaining, but I was so thankful we were alone. They ended the dance and grandson came over to show me his shoes.  All the spots had returned.  I don’t want to think about where the polish went.  Thank God Julia Roberts taught us about using a sharpie and we were set again!   By the time the photographer was ready I opted to remain where I was and let her take it from here.  I could hear some commotion in the studio room and knew I had made the right decision.  About fifteen minutes later granddaughter came out alone laughing.  “Grandma,” she said, “We are having a problem with silliness and the poses are creepy!”  “What is happening now?” I asked.  “She is doing his alone shots and sent me out.”  Now of course I am laughing.  When it was her turn to go alone she was gone ten minutes longer than it had taken for him.

I was prepared with a snack of Doritos and bottled water as we waited to view the proofs.  When we finally did view the shots you would have thought we were deciding on a magazine cover as each photo was carefully scanned for any flaw and many rejected!  Grandma had the final say and miraculously we were in agreement about the choices.

As we checked out the photographer explained I would receive a free sitting and photo on our next visit.  My grandson piped up and told her we would look for her.  With good humor she was very immediate in her response.  “When I see you coming I will put up the Closed Sign!”  She quickly explained to me that they were not misbehaved or rude- actually very sweet kids.  It was just that grandson wouldn’t stop talking and giving directions long enough to get a shot and granddaughter just couldn’t sit still in her excitement of it all.

I am very excited about the photos coming.  But as we left the Mall I called their Mom and said, “I will be there in a few minutes.  They are hungry and I am just going to pull up and drop them off.”  Four hours of life. Wouldn’t trade it for anything!  Oh the joy of being Grandma……oh the joy of driving home alone……………………

In a world of chocolate boxes, roses, and ridiculously large stuffed pink animals there is something missing.  You will find pressure, obligation, and overindulgence.  You will find rejection, longing, and sarcasm.  You will find overstimulation leading to emotional outbursts.  But more often than not you will not find love.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13: 4-8a

My house has flowers celebrating 38 years of marriage.  My grandmother's valentines dating back to the 1800’s are intermixed with Suzy Zoo and homemade grandchildren cards.  I am passing out candy and cards to piano students.  But also here you will find love.  Both my husband and I have invited Jesus to live in our hearts and He has been declared the Lord of our home.  Mind you we are very imperfect ourselves, but what a joy it is to sense the presence of love at any moment we choose to acknowledge He is here.  In my search for Planet Carol I have found one truth indisputable:  without Him (love himself) I am nothing………….

 

 

The comment has been made that “if you haven’t found Planet Carol by now chances are you never will”.  May I just say that life is a journey and though this blog began during a time my awareness of being lost was overwhelming me- a big lesson that I have learned is that the joy of discovery is what spurs me forward.  If anyone comes to a day they are certain there is nothing left to discover what a very sad day that will be. Drifting in hopelessness is not life!

 

If you have experienced being a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle you understand the joy in discovery we share as we watch as our children grow.  Our fourteen month old grandson just learned the fun of stabbing your food with a fork.  The whole family is cheering him on!  Consider what life would be like if we were constantly being cheered on in our discoveries.  I hear you- the ones saying well there comes a day you need to grow up!  Well I am not proud to say I have been that naysayer in the past- but no more.  Finding Planet Carol is all about being encouraged- someone cheering me on- to keep that organic food stocked and ready- keep writing- continue believing God for His promises to manifest!  Those cheerleaders validate my life.  They make the pursuit of daily discovery of something that will enhance my life experience energizing and fulfilling.

 

Today as I write sunshine is pouring through my window.  Everyone prefers a sunny day to light up our lives and warm our bodies.  Smiles come easier in that environment.  When the rain comes I reflect on my first airplane ride and my fascination as the aircraft flew up into the storm clouds and I found myself staring at a perfect sunny day with billowing clouds instead of grass receiving its glow.  That is one of many discoveries that still brings me joy as I revisit it in the memories of my mind!

 

Yesterday I asked the children at church how to get to heaven.  My nine year old granddaughter immediately said by learning our ABC’s and doing them.  I was momentarily confused until I realized she meant the ABC’s we teach all the time:

A-    Admit you are a sinner

      B-    Believe Jesus died for our sins and rose again.
      C-    Confess your sins and declare Jesus to be your Lord
 

I did that for the first time when I was only eight years old.  For many years now I continue to discover what it means to have Jesus as my Lord.  Finding Planet Carol has taught me it means the same thing today as it did when I was eight.  The only difference is the older and more set in my ways I become the greater the tendency in me is to think I’m grown up now and don’t need His Lordship especially in the little stuff.  Now I thank God daily I discovered that is WRONG!  I am His kid forever and life works only as I follow Him daily and discover the wisdom He has for me to find.  Excuse me- just saw someone I am going to cheer on…………………..

The soothing warm water was showering over me as I rinsed my hair and then there was loud knocking on the bathroom door.  “Mom, the police are here.  They want to talk to you about the incident in Penny’s parking lot.”  “What incident?” I asked.  She didn’t know and went back and I could hear the voices.  I quickly finished and got out.  It was quiet so I called out, “Are they still here?”  “Yes”, a man’s voice answered.  Quickly dressing I went out still combing my wet hair and feeling totally confused.

For the next fifteen minutes as we sat by our beautiful Christmas tree a discussion went on about how our truck driven by a blond woman was reported to have hit a car in the Penny’s parking lot on Saturday.  After the “hit” the woman gave another driver a strange look and then drove off.  At least three times I explained that yes I had been at Penny’s but I didn’t hit anything or give anyone any strange looks.  The officer was strong about the fact that someone would not take the time to get a plate number and report such an incident if it hadn’t happened.  I asked if there was damage and he said the other car just had a minor scrape on the bumper and was not pressing charges.  My daughter came in irate at my being accused of a “misdemeanor” (yes the officer said those words and also added they noted I didn’t have a record!) and said someone must have been mad about not finding a parking place.  Then I remembered I did go back to our truck in the middle of my shopping to get something I had forgotten to take in.  There were cars looking for parking spots, but I didn’t leave my space but just went back in. My daughter further stated we have insurance why would I “hit and run?”  (At that point I asked her not to be involved).  I told him that I never heard any strange sound which might explain having done it and not known and was positive I hadn’t hit anything.  He held his ground and firmly let me know that he was there to warn me that people were watching so I’d better do the right thing.  Flabbergasted I assured him if I had done anything I would have stopped and given my information. He finally repeated the warning for the fifth time and then left wishing us a Merry Christmas.

 

There are no words really.  He was doing his job. But really????  My daughter was upset the rest of the morning and kept saying, “He doesn’t know you!  I can’t believe you went through that.”  OK- some of you are laughing now thinking maybe I really did do it and that my memory and alertness are waning.  You only think that because you are worried about your own!  Well, it’s over and I had a lovely day.  Angels have always been on all four sides and the top of my car when I drive and I figure God will just send an extra one now to protect me from the informant……….

Christmas over twenty years ago after my Dad went to be with the Lord was full of expected emotions.  We were very close and of my parents it was my Dad and I who communicated the most- often meeting after work when I was in high school both getting home very late.  That Christmas however didn’t mark any changes in daily traditions since we lived so far away our families didn’t get together during the holidays.

This year Mom has joined Dad in heaven.  It is different.  For almost 20 years I have shared Christmas with her as she along with her mom moved to Kentucky to be near family.  It wasn’t just Christmas Day or Weekend.  We made things for Christmas Bazaars to sell.  We attended sales, Christmas programs at church and schools, baked for my annual Piano Open House, got excited over new creative ideas, picked photos for the annual card and on and on I could go.  Already this year there is a missing piece in my Christmas puzzle that already on just December 5^th has brought tears to my eyes unexpectedly more than once.

Many of you are experiencing grief already due to the loss of a loved one this year. Della, Jesse, and Carla may God uphold you with His peace on earth!  Laura and Jenni my arms reach out to you across the miles my sweet nieces!  Noni and family you are in my heart every day. There is no right way to go on.  There is no easy way to move forward.  As I know with my Dad there is no time we will ever forget them or wish they were with us to share special times.

Though November is the time set aside to give thanks I have decided as a coping tool that today I am going to begin my Christmas Blessing Journal 2012.  It will stay setting out to write in as they happen and read when the tears come to remind me that God is with me now and will never leave me alone.  Here are my first entries:

1. The joy of my loss is the promise given by God that through His Son whose birth we celebrate and I can look ahead to a family reunion that goes beyond our human comprehension!
2. I have a baby who just turned one living with me this Christmas whose sweetness immediately cures a sad feeling.
3. This is the first year ever I sat on the couch and handed the ornaments I wanted on the tree to my daughter who has created us a masterpiece of colorful happiness!
4. Autumn my granddaughter is creating unique new ornaments to add.
5. Last night I received my first Christmas card handmade by my nieces son which declares, “Happy and Merry Christmas ladies and gentlemen!”

This Christmas journal is already working- I am what a dear friend describes me as- a spoiled rotten brat!  Thank You Lord…………..