May of this year I received a comment on a blog I had published entitled “Happy Birthday to Me”.  For some reason I just recently saw it but feel it is a justifiable question even though the person chose to remain anonymous.  Here is the comment:

In Nov. of 2009 you posted your first blog. Just prior to that you posted your profile which said you were looking to find planet Carol. It is now 4 years plus later since that profile was posted. Who and where and what are you now 4 years down the road from beginning to seek who planet Carol is ????

1.  The discovery of me has been most enlightening.  After living for over fifty years I was amazed that I could see myself clearly for who I really am rather than who I perceived I am.  For example I found that all my giving and labor was not all out of a sincere heart of love, but often to compensate for the weaknesses of others.  The word boundaries has taken new meaning as I find that giving in and of itself can bring frustration and weariness if in fact it is not true to my hearts desire.  It is in my best interest and better for others to often say the word no!   Saying no more often has made saying yes much more fulfilling and enriched my life.  In addition the patterns that have been repeated in my life have opened my eyes to realize I have only begun to learn the secrets of a healthy satisfying life.  Today I see myself continuing the roller coaster ride of my body weight.  However now I know I made a good friend called dessert that I cling to in moments of stress.  Awareness has increased my hope to let this friend go and I have experienced enough victories to know this is a really bad relationship.  I have great empathy for people who have made bad relationships and struggle to break the tie.  There are many other areas I could include but will let this suffice as this is a blog not a book.

2.  Where I am today is a much more peaceful place.  I am not looking for myself but rather I am embracing who I am.  Being perfect, correct, doing the right thing is no longer on the goal list.  I have replaced them with being completely honest, not fearing mistakes, and making my best effort daily to be a blessing to others.

3.  What am I now?  I am a person not ashamed of my faith in God and belief in the Bible as His Word.  In all that I read, in the many who counsel me, in the experiences of my life only those connected to God have brought me the answers I was so deeply seeking November of 2009.  A friend put it so well just the other day- no longer do I believe in God and His Word- I know God and I know His Word is truth.

Some blogs express my love for God, others share the stories of life that so many relate to or enjoy.  When I am writing now it is with the hope that some person will smile or be encouraged as I have been.  Writing is reaching out in friendship to anyone who wants to share life with me even if we never meet. Today I hope anonymous sees and reads this blog.  It is the response you send that challenges me to continue seeking….. 

I can see it, feel it, and remember the smile that came when I got it.  It was a plan for fun to share with family and friends that Christmas but circumstances kept it from happening.  Now a couple years later I remember the plan- can see the music in my hands- but for the life of me I simply can’t find that special place I put it for safekeeping until this day came!  It’s “I Wish You the Merriest, the Merriest” in four part harmony and this year we have time to learn it!  I salute my friends who stay organized and never misplace anything (though at this moment I don’t remember your names).

Truly it is a mystery no matter what the size of the office or house we may have we lose things!  I have bought many organizing containers and reorganized all my stuff a hundred times.  However, usually right after organizing it is harder to find things than ever because I was accustomed to my organized mess!

As with most things in life there is a bright side to the losing of things- finding them!  What pleasure to find a family treasure not seen in years- a Christmas present you forgot to give- a new pack of my favorite pens or the ten dollar bill in a pocket of jeans that haven’t fit for awhile.  Some people are difficult to cheer up in the days we are living right now- but not me.  I’m one of the simple ones.  The smallest gift, word of kindness or encouragement or finding something I’ve completely forgotten about can change my whole day!

Dining out at a restaurant patio this past weekend my family began discussing their jobs, salaries and upcoming opportunities.  I realized for the first time ever (me the simple one) that my part in this family is no longer significant financially.  I’m praying for a new piano student that will increase my income by fifteen dollars a week!  I starting laughing at myself and could hardly get it out to tell them why.  They had seen this truth for sometime and were quite amused I just now got it.  Walking away I thought again about that piece of music I still haven’t located.  Life is full of surprises and forgotten gifts.  Who knows really- I may still become the millionaire- I just haven’t opened the box that holds the opportunity.  I smile at the possibilities ahead……………… 

Monday I was helping a more advanced piano student to choose a new piece to work on.  This involved me playing several pieces for him.  At one point after making a couple mistakes I stopped and explained my eyes were watering due to allergies making it hard for me to see clearly.  “I am just…I can’t think of the word I want to describe this moment.” I said.  “Decrepit.” He answered not even taking a moment to think.  In shock I told him laughingly I wouldn't get over that for a week.  I got a dictionary and had him read the meaning; “Old. Worn out.”  He was laughing now too trying to explain he didn't really know that was what it meant.  It’s Thursday and I’m still laughing about it but also thinking about it.  After all he did describe me that way innocent or not.

Young children can get away with using words inappropriately and we think they are cute.  The older they become the less cute it is and at some point if even momentarily we take it as from the heart.  The result is hurt.  If we believe them it can even be humiliating and discouraging.  This moment caused me to reflect once again on the power of words.  There are many directed to us daily and often they are hurtful.  I decided how important it is for me to work on my listening and responding skills.  As with this young man, I can choose to reply to words directed at me.  Clarify the intent of the delivery.  Ultimately I can choose to eject them as insignificant- ignorant- or just simply wrong and avoid being affected.  

The other side of the coin is the joy of receiving words that bring joy-laughter- encouragement and/or just make us feel good!  Every day husband comes in and I call out “Baby doll!” and he answers “Sweetie Pie”.  My twenty- two month old grandson upon entering the house hollers “hello” and I respond “hello” often several times until we hug.  Recently I received a thank you card which said, “You are always the one who comes.  That means a lot.  I do want to ask one thing.  The next time you go through something- don’t shut me out.  Let me come for you next time.  No one likes to be the one on the receiving end all the time.”

It was such a beautiful sentiment for her to write.  We all have a time we need a good word and we all have something to say to another in need.  I am grateful to have such friends.  No doubt many do not.  Perhaps today I can find one of those lonely souls and say something to give them the kind of hope words opposite of decrepit can bring……….

After posting pictures of her very pink very princess room I was not prepared to present my granddaughter with bright colorful princess folders for school and have her say, “Grandma, I’m ten now.”  Already there is pressure to meet the expected standards of peers in public.   All those peers have rooms like hers- love the baby doll and Barbie play at each other’s houses, but that is home and public is different.  To her it’s like wearing pajamas to school to carry those folders.

The same week I took my now twenty-one month old grandson to a movie with the ten and twelve year old.  He lasted about 40 minutes.  I spent the other hour and fifteen minutes following him as he explored the entire theater complex struggling to keep up with him and actually tearing my pants in a happy but hilarious tug of war.  Thankfully my shirt was long enough to cover the damage.  There is no doubt about the fact that age defines us in many circumstances.  It is true that all ages mix well in many shared experiences but there are definitely as many more that they don’t.

Being of the variety that believes I am still in my twenties and relate to anyone it causes me to cringe when I am offered a hand on steep steps, asked if I am OK as my face gives away the fact I am hot, and receive a lot more advice on what to do and not to do from my family.  I need the help and rarely is the advice wrong but I struggle between wanting to remain the giver- caretaker- in control person and wanting to have a break!

These flowers have had good days and bad days this summer.  At one point I was sure they were dying.  Yet here they are today blooming as lovely as ever.  No matter what the set back may be I will hold on to the hope that I have strong blooms yet to shine and wave in the winds of life.  Tonight I go to court over a speeding ticket- I had forgotten they gave those out, but evidently some things apply to all ages!  Perhaps I will go to Wal-Mart and buy a princess shirt to throw the judge off………………

They are simply filthy.  Baby size five - I seriously consider dumping them into the trash and going to the store to replace them!  Instead of course I send them out with the older cousin to hose them down which only makes a minor improvement.  But Mommy washes and dries them and I see them like new running again on those sweet little feet. No one would ever guess they had looked like this!  What I didn’t see looking at these mud destroyed baby shoes was the great fun he was having with his little buddies at the park.  Summer rains had turned all dirt into muddy spots which little boys never think to avoid.  In the end there was a baby turning all boy happy as happy can be and modern cleaning products restored the shoes.

I can’t help but reflect upon how many other “messy sights” have I seen this week and only interpreted them on the negative side- never considering even the remote possibility that there might be a positive happy story behind the mess.  I came up with these:

A husband in a coma on the couch- the basement bathroom we’ve been working on for a couple years nearing completion (the grouting did him in!)

The front rock path to the porch full of weeds- turns out grandson needs money and I had a job to offer to earn it!

A kitchen stacked high with dirty dishes and sticky counters- a couple of wonderful dinners around a real table where friends and family actually carried on conversation.

A bank charge due to a forgotten automatic withdrawal plan- A vacation weekend with my husband away from all normal reality - we just enjoyed each other as if there were no one else in life.

An office so deep in stuff I can hardly maneuver through it- quality time with grandchildren this summer making memories that become the pearls of my life.

People working hard carrying grills, tables, chairs etc…- enjoying the summer breeze and great food under the shade trees after church. Sitting with people I usually just hug and say hi too-catching up with the daily experiences of good friends.

You may share my list or have your own or have a lot more to add!  Just in reviewing this short one I will forever remember I have a wonderful life when I look at this photo of the baby’s shoes!

Freedom

Too busy living life to write about it these days!  Every moment whether funny, serious, sad, frustrating, irritating, or simply so precious we actually pause and embrace it only comes that one time and then is forever just a memory.  In my lifetime I have missed a great deal that was happening right in front of me because I was caught up in a project, a problem, pursuing a passion, checked out in exhaustion and a million other reasons I could state.  On the other hand I have a life without regrets because of so many things I didn’t miss!  My father always said life moved faster the older you get.  Though I have experienced that to definitely feel true I wonder if it isn’t so because the older we get the better we are about sorting out what is important in the moment- better at taking the time to listen, watch, enjoy, and meditate on what really matters to us.

On this Fourth of July I am proud to be an American in spite of the fact that I am unhappy with much of what I see happening that causes me to be sad and be concerned about what my grandchildren may face in their lifetime.  Gratitude for freedom beats strong in my heart today for I understand it is something many in the world do not have.  Just like every gift in life we can use it in ways that increase our quality of life and state of contentment.  Unfortunately it can also be used as an instrument of destruction.  Freedom of speech is at the top of my concern right now.   It allows words that uplift and words that demean; words that show love and words that spew hate; words that cause us to stand strong and secure and words that demean us to the point of losing all hope.  There are volumes of books that have been written on this subject but I would like to share this thought today:

Every word I hear has the potential to affect my life but I have learned that all words are not healthy for me and I have the right to reject them.  I also have the right to embrace the words that will move me forward with invigorating joy!  Today as you read this I encourage you to attach yourself to people whose words cause you to want to get up in the morning and seek all that is good and detach yourself from those who weigh you down and make your life miserable.  America is a place I love, but my freedom comes from another source altogether:

“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed!”  John 8:36

As we thank God for freedom and blessing our country it is my prayer that you know every time an American lets you down there is freedom in the Lord Jesus Christ.  The day is coming that the only freedom that will be known will be His.  Seems reasonable to me that today might be a great day to consider that and be prepared……….

Seventy degrees, slight breeze, clear baby blue sky, and I am taking five minutes to rock on the porch and enjoy a pot of bursting blooms.  The house is silent and I am fully aware I am only 48 hours away from school being out- Grandma Camp in full swing- and silence will be a memory.  If you are well acquainted with Planet Carol you know this is a welcomed invasion.  For over a month an activity calendar has been being designed.  The rule is every day is a surprise, nevertheless they are trying to get me to unveil new adventures! I too happily anticipate the days to be shared with my favorite occupants of the earth- my grandchildren! 

Yes I will be teaching piano and a few other regular pursuits, but my occupational title will be prioritized as Grandma first and foremost.  A parent said to me recently that they weren't sure how they will be when that time in life comes.  I told them with a mischievous grin it is exhilarating- they are yours but the responsibilities that come with them are the parents!  It is true.  But the truth is I really don’t believe it!  Being privileged myself to know both sets of my grandparents I have lots of memories to prove they didn't believe it either.  Each one of them invested something important in my life:

Grandpa Bailey died when I was very young.  However I can still see the genuine love oozing from his eyes from his chair in the front room off the porch.  His adoration of family never had to be explained to me- I got to experience it and all my life lived in the confidence he had loved his granddaughter deeply.

Grandma Bailey was a devoted teacher.  I was never with her without being instructed about the importance of reading, how to cook, or how to build a worm bed. She taught  me how to row the boat, how to bait the hook (though I drew the line on taking the fish off the hook!), and how to play a multitude of games including Yahtzee and Scrabble.  My final message to her was written with letter tiles glued to a scrabble board that I sent in an overnight mail package from states away.

Grandpa Baxter had a twinkle in his eye that was always there no matter what was happening.  He taught me the joy of mixing things up in life as I watched him pour 3 different cereals into his breakfast bowl topping them with milk and both white and brown sugar.  Variety was truly his specialty.  Religiously he wound at least 10 clocks daily and I always lay in bed at night listening to the different chimes and bird sounds on the hour.  I believe he was different with boys than girls having had four boys of his own first followed by three girls who were adored and spoiled to no end by their Dad.

Grandma Baxter was the busy creative one. She was an active member of many church and community organizations. Her special craft room (which was not as common then as today) sparkled creativity as there was never a time she didn't have something for me to make.  Specifically I remember fondly the puppies made of yarn and the turkeys made one thanksgiving in Florida out of pine cones and sea shells. She was also my inspiration for piano.  She played well and her favorite music was ragtime.  She ultimately moved to Kentucky with my Mom and was my greatest fan- listening to me play the piano and appreciating all my “projects”.

So you see I can’t take credit for being the fun grandma I love to be.  I was taught by the best the joy of the title……………………

Happy Birthday To Me

Every year it is the same.  There is some chip in my brain programmed to go off when my eyes open on May the twenty-third.   I automatically begin to sing “Happy Birthday to me”. This morning I had an audience including a bright-eyed eighteen month old curly headed boy, a dozing husband with his coffee and a bustling young mother getting ready to leave with the baby at 6:30 a.m.  For the baby’s sake of course, I had to repeat the song over and over just to see him clap at the end. Now all is quiet and reflection begins.  It’s really the big six-O!  Somewhere in the night my identity has been stolen and here in this chair is a new person!  Early on in life you look forward to sixteen and twenty-one.  Thirty is overwhelming.  Forty just passes by.  Fifty seems to be the year of acknowledgement- I had 50 sheep in the yard and was taken camping and canoeing and everyone came out of the woodwork to wish me well.  Sixty?  All I want is a simple, stress-free, weekend.   The party girl doesn't want to party- she wants to enjoy whatever the moments bring and not be responsible to accomplish a thing!  Last night one of my daughter’s families called to wish me a happy last day of fifty.  My granddaughter said, “You are not old grandma.  You will always be my young blonde grandma.”  Her words inspired the following list I've created today to maintain my identity and send the thief running!

Hair dye

Respond to healthy living tips

Laugh daily

Lighten Up about Everything!

Encourage Others

   Love the Lord with all my heart 

Of course there are volumes of how to books available- just this morning the book “Younger Next Year” was recommended to me.  An avid reader I will probably look for a copy.  But the truth is that I do love birthdays.  I love that I was created and then blessed with a great family.  Surrounded by friends I have never been alone even on my worst day.  A spoiled rotten brat who has new dreams and visions brewing in my future!  Watch out world- I am not fading- just switching into a new gear and truly thankful for life…………..

Just a handful of pennies with grandpa at the horse track was a favorite memory of Mom would explain in detail.  Her grandmother (as I myself would be) was horrified and did not condone this activity shared by the two of them.  But as life sometimes goes it evidently happened on numerous occasions.  According to Mom they spent a lot of time going over what to look for in a winning horse.  It was not surprising when she moved to Louisville over twenty years ago that Derby Day was always fun for her.  She never went to the track.  However she had her newspaper ready with all the details about each horse and the television tuned to the station.  All day she would sit with her paper and mark the horses she thought would win- watch the race- and then give her cocky smile and cheer as every race at least one or more of her choices would win.

Over the years we made the day special for her.  My husband would plan to barbecue and I made several derby hats she would wear all day.  The family would gather, but in the midst of whatever the chaos she would stay steady with her newspaper and watch the races.  Every year we vowed next year we would take her to the track and put real money on her choices, but not being a family given to gambling it just never happened.

As on may occasions this past year my heart stirred with memories of the good times we shared during this time. It was shortly after Derby last year that she passed on.  Early this week I started having the thought that if the name of any of the horses struck a chord that related to her or my thoughts of her that this year I would make a wager.  As the names and stories of the horses came out nothing hit me so I was giving up my “crazy” thought as just another moment of being overwhelmed missing my Mom.

Yesterday I woke up to a rainy derby day and flipped on the local television coverage.  Shortly into the program I heard the name “Golden Soul”.  That’s it I thought.  She is now my golden soul!  I called my daughter and asked her how to place a bet.  She didn't know, but was intrigued by my idea and decided to figure it out.  In the end we placed the bet together just enjoying the moment of how fun Mom would have thought this would be.  I sent a text to a few family and friends about what we had done and then I spent the day cooking with my other daughter.  My husband pulled out the grill and at six in the evening the TV trays were set up and we were all enjoying a lovely meal.

Jim and the grandchildren stood for the singing of “My “Ol Kentucky Home” as the horses headed for the gate.  They were off!  Of course we looked for “Golden Soul” but he was not with the leaders.  Then they rounded the middle turn.  My daughter who placed the bet with me was on her feet.  “He’s coming up Mom! Look!  Look!”  We were all screaming then and cheering him on.  In the last few lengths of the race he took a leading position and crossed the line in second place.  Of the three winning horses that second place paid the most on the dollar of all the horses who placed!  It was a small bet that paid nicely.

What I will do with “my winnings” remains to be decided and will probably fade into the place where memories store up in our brain until triggered by Derby talk in the days to come.  But the sweetness of doing it all just to honor my Mom’s memory and it actually turning out to be a winner will be in the forefront of my thoughts for many days to come.  Thanks Mom for the fun I have and will forever share with you.  I sent a text to my sister-in-law, "We haven’t stopped screaming!"  She texts back, “Neither has Mom!”……….

                                                                                             

Dizzy.  Yes I got dizzy watching my husband run around the bench where I sat contentedly in the sunshine sipping a drink.  Ten times he circled around me to get back on the Space Mountain Roller Coaster at Disney World.  We were celebrating a wedding anniversary during the month of February so there were no lines. Of course he begged me to go with him! However, I could not respond to his heartfelt desire to share his fun as roller coasters terrify me as nothing else can do.  There is however a roller coaster that appears in my life regardless of my resistance.  Yesterday just doing the regular daily routine the ride began with an incline that found me shouting with joy at the top of my lungs!   We are getting our first tax refund in twenty years and it is substantial enough to cover several major pressures of life.  I was dancing with joy coming down that curve.  Then there was a small bump on the track momentarily interrupting my joy when the now sixteen month old grandson helped himself to a dozen eggs which he enjoyed dumping out of the carton onto the kitchen floor.

Within the hour another major concern was deleted as the details worked out to allow my husband to update his insulin pump.  He is my bionic man- this machine has proven to be so amazing in controlling his blood sugar and keeping him healthy over the past decade.  Joy continued to rule- (I imagined myself casually holding the safety bar of the coaster car with my blonde hair blowing in the wind!)  Work correspondence was next on the list.  I am technically challenged, but used to fighting my way through, so it was no surprise I got a blank screen when I tried to access my email.  It wouldn't even let me X out so I just turned my computer off and on to start again.  After six attempts with the same result I became a bit frazzled and started calling for help.  Nothing was working.  I went online looking for a number to call for technical help.  I got one and they told me I had been hacked so my account was shut down as it was sending out requests for money and perverted emails in my name.  They informed me it would never be reopened as the hacker could affect the emails of “millions” of people.  He did offer to connect me with a technician who could recover my addresses for a hundred and forty dollars which thank God I declined.  (Yes I know- many of you reading this are already saying come on Planet Carol how naive can you be.)  At that moment the fun ride of the day took a much unexpected scary turn and was making my stomach roll.   I made another call to another provider whose number I found online.  He sounded like he was a million miles away, was hard to hear or understand and the background noise was ridiculous.  I was close to tears now and he said I had definitely been compromised and needed to have my computer ghosted.  Again for a few hundred dollars he could connect me to someone who could do it online.  Of course I declined.  But I was convinced I was in serious trouble. I immediately had my online banking disabled.  I called my trusted technician who has served me well for over 10 years back.  He was horrified by this story and told me these major provider companies do not operate like that.  “Where in the world did you get these phone numbers?” he asked. (Google of course)   He went through my computer and found a lot of things he removed and lo and behold my email account was there and just fine. The roller coaster ride ended.  I was exhausted, but all in one piece! 

We all have roller coaster days.  Some would even say every day is like that.  As I look back on yesterday’s ride I am truly grateful for so many things.  I am also challenged to be calmer no matter how fast and scary life may feel at any given moment.  Friends of mine are fighting for their health and life.  This was just a computer glitch.  Perspective is everything.  My prayer today:   Lord, grant me the grace to stop and seek you in everything. Teach me Your ways so that I don’t let the things of this world rob me of standing in your peaceful presence at all times.

Life before MapQuest is a volume of true stories where I often found myself far away from my intended destination. In the beginning there was no cell phone to talk me onto the right road.  Crying daughters missed the birthday party, a fifty mile trip to find our new bank, honking down a policeman in a treacherous neighborhood and then hearing him laughing on his speaker about some “lady” he was waving onto the interstate twenty miles from my exit- just to name a few.  When cell phones became part of life I had several people who so regularly “directed me” they answered asking “Where are you now?”  Mom and I drove places all the time and having been the navigator with the map her entire life she could not understand how I missed receiving the gene that gives you a sense of direction!  She learned to laugh about it and loved telling her own stories about us being “lost again”.

 
There are different emotional responses that emerged when I acknowledged being lost.  When under time pressure or affecting the lives of others (not finding the birthday party) I would become upset and angry with myself or the person who gave me directions.  Other times frightened when like a mouse in a maze I momentarily felt I would never find my way.  However, there also developed an adventuresome spirit of exploration.  I would focus on discovering places I’d never seen and enjoy the ride.  This “lost” game has been played with my husband, children, mother and most recently my grandchildren on grandma camp trips! 

 Today I find myself lost again.  Not behind the wheel of a car on the highway, but contemplating my future and what life has ahead.  In the past year I have talked with people of all ages struggling with that very issue.  What used to be a sure thing in our country no longer is.  Job raises, security, and retirement plans are no longer part of the deal.  People who used to dream big dreams are thankful to be eating with a roof over their heads.  Always the optimist I am holding out for another dream, but finding myself unwilling to work too hard to make it happen.  I recognize the error of my thinking and yet am watching people working themselves literally into the loss of their health and getting no where.  Putting aside anger, frustration, fear, and blame I have decided upon the adventuresome spirit of exploration.  Gloria Gaither said it so well when she declared in her children’s song:

I am a promise,
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"!
I am a great big bundle of potentiality!
And I am learning to hear God's voice and I am tryin'
To make the right choices;
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be!

I don’t know about you, but I am reminded today that now and forever I am God’s kid. I don’t feel lost now and have found my new theme song………..

Photo Coming Soon

There are things we want that quite frankly are just not worth the price we have to pay to get them.   As a result grandma stepped in, because I wanted it too!  I got to the house where the “clothes had been laid out”.  Truth is it took grandson and me thirty-five minutes to come up with the two outfits complete with tights, socks and shoes.  Running late to pick up granddaughter grandson comes out with the shoe shine kit to fix the scuffs on his dress shoes.  Quickly I dab it on, shine a bit and we are off.

Upon arriving at the school the “healthy snack” (fresh pears) was handed out.  My daughter had informed me that since I was going to take them for a photo grandson would have to have a haircut first.  We arrived at the Salon and while he was getting his fancy cut we went shopping for a matching hair bow as one could not be found at the house.  After returning with our perfect find granddaughter went into the Salon restroom to change.  She came out just as the haircut was completed.  A dear grandmother waiting for a perm asked her where she was going looking so pretty.  When she was told it was a photo shoot she instructed the hairdresser to get out his cream to fix the fuzzy hairs escaping from her braids- it had to be done for the photo.  Grandson went to change as the hairdresser complied and it was a truly an amazing completion of the perfect look!  The same lady questioned grandson as he came out in his black slacks and sweater about the chain he was putting on.  “Young man that is not formal enough to wear with that outfit- it will ruin the pose’, she said.  Into my purse it went.

As you might expect the photo shoot was at another mall so off we went ready to go.  There was a short wait, but no one else was there.  First they played with the ‘baby toys’ but quickly bored grandson gave granddaughter a lesson in dancing the minuet.  The twirling dress and fancy moves were indeed entertaining, but I was so thankful we were alone. They ended the dance and grandson came over to show me his shoes.  All the spots had returned.  I don’t want to think about where the polish went.  Thank God Julia Roberts taught us about using a sharpie and we were set again!   By the time the photographer was ready I opted to remain where I was and let her take it from here.  I could hear some commotion in the studio room and knew I had made the right decision.  About fifteen minutes later granddaughter came out alone laughing.  “Grandma,” she said, “We are having a problem with silliness and the poses are creepy!”  “What is happening now?” I asked.  “She is doing his alone shots and sent me out.”  Now of course I am laughing.  When it was her turn to go alone she was gone ten minutes longer than it had taken for him.

I was prepared with a snack of Doritos and bottled water as we waited to view the proofs.  When we finally did view the shots you would have thought we were deciding on a magazine cover as each photo was carefully scanned for any flaw and many rejected!  Grandma had the final say and miraculously we were in agreement about the choices.

As we checked out the photographer explained I would receive a free sitting and photo on our next visit.  My grandson piped up and told her we would look for her.  With good humor she was very immediate in her response.  “When I see you coming I will put up the Closed Sign!”  She quickly explained to me that they were not misbehaved or rude- actually very sweet kids.  It was just that grandson wouldn’t stop talking and giving directions long enough to get a shot and granddaughter just couldn’t sit still in her excitement of it all.

I am very excited about the photos coming.  But as we left the Mall I called their Mom and said, “I will be there in a few minutes.  They are hungry and I am just going to pull up and drop them off.”  Four hours of life. Wouldn’t trade it for anything!  Oh the joy of being Grandma……oh the joy of driving home alone……………………

In a world of chocolate boxes, roses, and ridiculously large stuffed pink animals there is something missing.  You will find pressure, obligation, and overindulgence.  You will find rejection, longing, and sarcasm.  You will find overstimulation leading to emotional outbursts.  But more often than not you will not find love.

⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.⁸ Love never fails.

I Corinthians 13: 4-8a

My house has flowers celebrating 38 years of marriage.  My grandmother's valentines dating back to the 1800’s are intermixed with Suzy Zoo and homemade grandchildren cards.  I am passing out candy and cards to piano students.  But also here you will find love.  Both my husband and I have invited Jesus to live in our hearts and He has been declared the Lord of our home.  Mind you we are very imperfect ourselves, but what a joy it is to sense the presence of love at any moment we choose to acknowledge He is here.  In my search for Planet Carol I have found one truth indisputable:  without Him (love himself) I am nothing………….

 

 

The comment has been made that “if you haven’t found Planet Carol by now chances are you never will”.  May I just say that life is a journey and though this blog began during a time my awareness of being lost was overwhelming me- a big lesson that I have learned is that the joy of discovery is what spurs me forward.  If anyone comes to a day they are certain there is nothing left to discover what a very sad day that will be. Drifting in hopelessness is not life!

 

If you have experienced being a parent, grandparent, aunt or uncle you understand the joy in discovery we share as we watch as our children grow.  Our fourteen month old grandson just learned the fun of stabbing your food with a fork.  The whole family is cheering him on!  Consider what life would be like if we were constantly being cheered on in our discoveries.  I hear you- the ones saying well there comes a day you need to grow up!  Well I am not proud to say I have been that naysayer in the past- but no more.  Finding Planet Carol is all about being encouraged- someone cheering me on- to keep that organic food stocked and ready- keep writing- continue believing God for His promises to manifest!  Those cheerleaders validate my life.  They make the pursuit of daily discovery of something that will enhance my life experience energizing and fulfilling.

 

Today as I write sunshine is pouring through my window.  Everyone prefers a sunny day to light up our lives and warm our bodies.  Smiles come easier in that environment.  When the rain comes I reflect on my first airplane ride and my fascination as the aircraft flew up into the storm clouds and I found myself staring at a perfect sunny day with billowing clouds instead of grass receiving its glow.  That is one of many discoveries that still brings me joy as I revisit it in the memories of my mind!

 

Yesterday I asked the children at church how to get to heaven.  My nine year old granddaughter immediately said by learning our ABC’s and doing them.  I was momentarily confused until I realized she meant the ABC’s we teach all the time:

A-    Admit you are a sinner

      B-    Believe Jesus died for our sins and rose again.
      C-    Confess your sins and declare Jesus to be your Lord
 

I did that for the first time when I was only eight years old.  For many years now I continue to discover what it means to have Jesus as my Lord.  Finding Planet Carol has taught me it means the same thing today as it did when I was eight.  The only difference is the older and more set in my ways I become the greater the tendency in me is to think I’m grown up now and don’t need His Lordship especially in the little stuff.  Now I thank God daily I discovered that is WRONG!  I am His kid forever and life works only as I follow Him daily and discover the wisdom He has for me to find.  Excuse me- just saw someone I am going to cheer on…………………..