Family and friends refer to our house as “Grand Central Station” as the activity level of people coming and going is very high.  My mom refused to live with us because it was too busy here!  That being said it is interesting that yesterday at home alone I experienced claustrophobia having no way to go anywhere. Then loneliness set in so I took my husband to his evening shift so I could go out for the evening.  However I found myself unable to connect with anyone, not in a shopping mood, and all movies let out too late to be in time to pick my husband up.  I drove home deeply missing my Mom.  Her final years were spent at an assisted living home about fifteen minutes from here.  I took her to appointments, out to lunch, to movies, or just driving for the fun of it.  She would always say, “I’m sorry I am so much trouble” and I would always say, “Are you kidding?  You are my excuse to leave my everyday life and go have some fun!”  It was true then and now I realize how much of a gap in my life it has left.  In addition my husband’s sister went to heaven this year.  About once a month she and I shared a very long phone conversation.  Who better to talk to than the only sister of the man I married who was truly the only one who understood him better than me!  We shared that good ol’ girl talk about everything in our family life that makes you hang up feeling so refreshed and reminded about everything really important in life.

 

Don’t misunderstand- I am not complaining about these losses- I am sharing the gratefulness I will forever carry in my heart that I had these relationships in my life.   I am a person blessed with wonderful family-grandchildren-friends that truly care about me.  If ever I lose any of them I will miss them too.  We are unique individuals- each with something special to give to another and often we aren’t even aware of it.  When my twins were born it was both the most exciting and challenging time.  With my husband a full time student and already a two year old in our family I would not have described the first few months my “finest hour” of being there for others.  When the twins turned four months old we made the decision to leave finishing seminary for a bit later in life and made our plans to move back to Kentucky.  Imagine my amazement at the outpouring of love from our neighbors and friends who again and again said how much they would miss us - how we had been such an inspiration in their lives! You just never know.  After yesterday I realized I needed to make the time to go to that scrapbooking class one of my piano Mom’s invited me too. I hear Barbara singing, “People- people who need people- are the luckiest people in the world………”   

After a summer of enduring day after day of one hundred degrees as the average temperature our fall rains this week not only are refreshing to me but welcome!  Temperatures seventy and below are the bonus!  If it had been a cool summer I would be complaining!  This creation called human is incredibly difficult to please.  Very few of us remain constant and content- the majority of us find it normal to be on a roller coaster ride based on our feelings any particular hour which are most often affected by circumstances beyond our control- like the weather!  I love the scene where Spock the Vulcan is asked by a machine, “How do you feel?”   Even the fictional machine programmed for humanity knows a human always has a feeling going on!

 

If your feelings are anything like mine they are usually a pile up- each vying for “top billing” of the moment.  Right this very minute I can identify these feelings within me:   refreshment (weather); concern (personal issues);   happiness (new baby born to friend); irritation (unfair situation for a friend); compassion (several circumstances I deeply care about); anger (everything takes “more” money); conflicted (shoulder surgery or not); lazy (don’t want to do all the projects I am looking at); gratefulness (for great friends and family); honored (called favorite SIL on fb); excited (got a 98 point word on scrabble); embarrassed (using the men’s room instead of the women’s) and on and on it goes!

 

Perhaps you see this blog as just plain silly and a lady just going on about nothing.  The truth is life is in the moment and if we can truly comprehend how normal our feelings are then we have taken the first step to improving the quality of those moments. Think of the Bingo ball that is popped up and called- whatever feeling pops up just look at your card. If it is staring you in the face then deal with it and cover it up.  Other times it is so insignificant it doesn’t even show up on the card and we can let it go!  Let’s not sit at the card table long.   The sweetest life is the one about us- not the one about me.  Me is never satisfied but us- we can laugh together and lighten the loads for each other and in our relationships feel genuinely content with our lives…….

 

 

I love to read and am a sucker for the fifty cent book sale table at the library.  Recently during my $2.00 splurge I bought a book by Pat Conroy entitled South of Broad.  It was in perfect condition, appealing photo cover, and I was intrigued with his writing style just by reading the first page.  It took longer than usual to read this five hundred page novel and the content was rather rough- a far cry from my beloved historical romance novel!  Over half way through the group of seven friends each with their own amazing story of rising above childhood life tragedies met to discuss the one friend who was no longer with them.  He was the brother of one of the girls and a gifted pianist.  A gay man who had moved to California and the last the sister heard had lost everything and was dying of aids.  The friends made a pack to travel to California and find him to bring him home to die among friends.  The chapter that followed describing the conditions they encountered as they took food through charities to places of filth and squalor was the hardest thing for me to read ever! I was sheltered from such things as a child and as my husband would say incredibly naive to much of the reality of what is said and done in this world.  Here in the middle of this secular book I had a real awakening spiritually.  I heard the song, “Oh how He loves us” over and over in my head as I read.  I’ve sung this song alone and changed the words to “Oh how He loves me” and knew it was true.  I’ve sung it at church with friends and known it was true.  I even sang it in South Africa my only personal mission trip and knew it was true for the children of the Zulu tribe and their families I worked with for two weeks.  Here while reading this book for the first time I was singing it with these fictional characters of men and women lying in squalor and dying of aids.  Very clearly God showed me I haven’t got a clue of the all inclusive expansive reach of His love towards all men.  I repented for not reaching out to a relative who died of aids.  We had never really had relationship, but the truth was I was unable to process separation of the person and the lifestyle at the time so it was easy to just love on the family and ignore the person.

 

There is something else.  I recently attended the funeral of someone who overdosed on cocaine.  I was close to the family and had met the person, but did not know them at all. Knowing the circumstances I was amazed to meet this person through the eyes of those who did know her.  She was unique.  Someone who loved animals and cared about suffering people- especially elderly neighbors- she was active in prayer ministry.  The message she left was that it was ok not to be perfect.  Again I heard the song in my head and heart “Oh how He loves us” and again I found myself repenting for my lack of understanding how God loves. 

 

Never has the world been more troubled in my view than it is today.  May I be known for sharing the unconditional love of God to all I come in contact with.  May I not only NOT judge others behavior, but refrain from even an opinion.  I would be speaking about someone God loves……………..

Heartfelt genuine remembrance without debate and without blame brings us together today in a unity so universal it is surreal.  We all know where we were- I was at an ATM machine that had a TV attached that showed CNN.  When Kennedy was shot I was in class at school and it came over the intercom.  Some of us cried and others actually shouted in anger and unbelief and that was elementary school kids.  Disaster is the universal tool that brings us out of our own lives and into life together.  Katrina-Tsunami- Earthquake- Forest Fires- Tornados- Floods-War Casualties and more bring unity to the most diverse of communities.  The heroes of each and every one of these events deserve every moment of honor they receive.  My prayers especially go out to those who have not found peace in the midst of any disaster and clear direction for their future.

 

Having said that I would like to define the word crisis:  to separate; the turning point of a disease for better or for worse; a decisive or crucial time, stage, or event.  On a personal level most of us are in a crisis.  It may be physical- marriage relationships- overwhelming financial situations just to mention a few common ones.  Crisis being a step below disaster is often not surrounded by a unified empathy for one another as I stated above.  In fact most of us feel most alone in these times.  Perhaps this is a day to consider that every day someone we know is in crisis that is accompanied by pain, helplessness, and feeling there is no way out- no hope.  Today let us ask ourselves how do we respond to these people in our lives?  Do we debate- blame and keep our distance?  Life is very precious and all too short.  May God give us grace to daily be the person someone can reach out too and find empathy, patience, and encouragement…and even believe there is a beautiful sunset in their future………(Special thanks to nephew John for Photograph above)

                                                                                                   

Yesterday was an especially great day.  I returned to Children’s Church after the summer off and then physically not being able to be there a couple weeks.  I went home and in comes my sweet grandson who has been in Louisville for a month. We shared a lovely afternoon together.  Though we have played and rocked since his coming there were limitations in what I could do.  That ended yesterday as I slid down on the floor and spent the afternoon face to face with the sweetest bundle of love on earth under the age of nine – I have two big bundles nine and eleven now!  My daughter watched me and after awhile she said, “Mom, that’s why they (the grandchildren) love you.  You give them one hundred percent attention.”  It’s true.  Eleven years ago when my first grandchild was born whenever they were present there was nothing else more important than spend every minute playing with them. 

 

Today my Mom is spending her first birthday in heaven.  I can’t help but think about the fact that God said he created us for His pleasure.  One on one time with Him cannot be replaced by anything on the earth.  He loves to love me with one hundred percent attention just as I do the grandkids.  He is loving Mom today and sharing something way beyond our humanity and the beauty of it is beyond explanation.  I look forward to every minute with the grandchildren and Jesus is there looking forward to every minute we choose to share with Him.  I am not a preacher- just an encourager.  I know that my redeemer lives and talk to Him daily.  He never is too busy to slide right down to my level and share himself with me.  Who wouldn’t want that kind of attention……………………

 

 

Unexpected gifts for absolutely no reason at all bring the greatest pleasure to my heart.  This lovely basket with perfect homegrown tomatoes and a few small carrots was left on my table last night.  There was a note that I might want to take up basket weaving as a hobby.  I asked if they had made this basket and they admitted they had made a few, but this one came from Good Will.  I loved it just as much!  Actually I have a friend who wins awards for her wonderful handmade baskets.  I would love to add this to my list of twenty other hobbies all waiting to be pursued!  How refreshing though in a world that never sleeps, rests, or stops it is to think such a pursuit truly possible and still happens somewhere in the world.

 

We are all keenly aware of the phrase “random acts of kindness” and how true it is when someone does the unexpected it lifts our spirits and we feel better about ourselves.  Friends love one another and yet we rarely surprise the other with that extra bit of attention and thoughtfulness.  A while back I was in line in the pharmacy line and a young girl was $5 short to pay for her prescription.  She was begging a relative to lend her the money and they would not and I have no idea the reason why.   I happened to have $5 cash on me and stepped over and handed it to her.  She was immediately in tears of gratitude and thanked me over and over!  The relative glared at me.  The attendant said that was such a great thing you did for her.  Others just wanted the line to move.  My mind swiftly reviewed a great many memories of having to put groceries back, say no to my children when my heart was saying yes, not getting to go to lunch or movies with friends, and by-passing new clothes and haircuts along with my husband so we could give to our children just to name a few.  Five dollars is nothing and yet at times of need it can feel like a hundred. 

 

I am sentimental and have many treasures, but reality is stuff is stuff.   Just like someone else’s junk in a yard sale becomes another persons treasure may God give us grace to always share.  Our world needs sparks of surprise to build hope within our discouraged minds. I actually have started making a list of people I want to bless with cards, writing or other ways.  A moment of giving is truly a moment of living a valuable life…………

“Talking to you is like going out to stand in the sunshine.”  This text I received today is a definite reminder that we all have something to share within ourselves that can bless another.  My personal sunshine has a lot of cloud gathering around it, but the sun still shines and I have the choice to share it.  I have a choice to go out and stand in it.  Best of all I have the choice to receive it into my heart, mind and soul straight from the Lord every day.  For me every time I bless another person joy dances all over my inner being to the point I sometimes see my belly bounce!

 

Earlier this year I unexpectedly and suddenly lost my Mom.  We shared a lot of fun times in the last years of her life and shared so many laughs together.  My granddaughter came to me and said, “Am I still going to have a happy grandma this summer?”  The question caught me off guard as I assured her that in my moment of sadness there would still be plenty of happiness for her and I to share.  It surprised me when the insight of my sweet grand girl had truth in it and there were many camp days I had to dig deep to overcome the grief I carried- but the joy of the Lord was my strength.  The memories of Mom are a constant source of joy.  Sharing life with those around me is my greatest source of happiness as I am so blessed by my family and close friends.

 

Presently I am recovering from a recent illness and after several weeks just now resuming most of my normal life.  About a week ago my granddaughter came through the front door and stood in front of me with her hands on her hips.  “You aren’t going to hire an assistant grandma are you?” she said.  “I don’t want any assistant grandma making pancakes, helping me with spelling words and having sleepovers!”  I was stunned as I assured her there would be no assistant!

 

What a beautiful gift is the rising of the sun every morning.  Every morning is a new opportunity to make whatever we want out of it.  Sadly I know few if any people who do not have real struggles and challenges in their lives and the world overall is less safe, less stable, and less life motivating these days.  All the more reason I return to my blog today.  If just one person receives sunshine from my words or actions it is a day of great accomplishment……….