Oh to hide inside a gooey chocolate brownie, warm icing dripping through the cracks. Comforted inside and out by the warm chocolate sauce and the body conforming comfortably to the warm dough like a primo mattress set. Don’t wake me up- don’t yell reality to me- I want this delusion to go on as long as possible- reality is simply too much to bear right now so let me enjoy my escape!

We all have these places we go. We create them individually in times of desperation when the need for respite just to survive the moment is necessary. Without them we feel physically overloaded to the point we fear our very being may pop from the pressure! Judge not for you may be judged with the same measure. Yes the brownie has its downfall and we come out sluggish and miserable. The movie or TV show leaves us exhilarated in emotions of fantasy yet immediately the real world faces us head on.

“You are the God who sees me.” Genesis 16:13

Hiding is the illusion. He always knows where we are. Like a good natured Father he plays the game of hide and seek and waits for us to reveal ourselves.  Then He can love on us, talk to us, teach us, and send us on our way more confident knowing He is always there. There is a joy in being found- especially by someone who cares.

 
There are some days you just wake up and wonder who am I? What am I? Where am I? Where is life going? Last night my baby girl came with her fiancé’ to share in the receiving of her engagement ring. I am in mix-matched layered pajamas crazy hair etc and my husband with new beard growth and work clothes. I fear the photo of the beautiful couple with those homeless old people may show up on face book! Really I won’t care and may do it myself- its real life happening the way it happens more often than not. A completely spontaneous event that could never have been planned to be more special than it is! For that moment all else is forgotten and all is happy tears and laughter. The twin sister happened to be there which added so much as we all shared our excitement and she got her husband on the phone. He has been my favorite son-in law for ten years and welcomed his soon to be “husband” of the “other” twin!


This morning I played Disney’s “When you wish upon a Star” along with other worship songs. I thought of how the Star marked the beginning of our salvation with the birth of Jesus. My daughter has sung this song all her life and the fact I can play it in response to her happiness now is a bit surreal. Fairy tales do not come true and in a day and age that marriage is taking such a bizarre rap in society I thank God that we can believe in Him. A loving God who has real plans for our lives that are fulfilling and abundant- we just need to stick close to Him! Who am I? I am a creation of God who has chosen to follow Jesus. What am I? By choice I am a container of His joy and wisdom He so freely offers to me. Where am I? In His presence as I walk each day. Where is life going? I will answer that also in a song I played this morning- “Have Thine Own Way Lord”………

That’s me on the left. We five had a reputation for our forts, igloos, and snow tunneling! It is surreal to look at this photo and think about where these five people have gone in their life journeys fifty years later. Though it sounds a bit cliché I am thinking today how important every moment in life is- for when we breathe our next breath that moment is gone! Most moments are forgotten over time, but the ones we hold mean they produced something in our hearts that we never let go. Those moments become the framework in building our future. Whether repetitive fun, unexpected excitement, or tragedy when families ever get together there are some moments everyone remembers just as a nation we all remember where we were when President Kennedy as shot , the 9/11 Terrorist Attack took place, and when man took his first step on the moon. The lie is that many moments just don’t matter. They all do. This belief has become stronger during my journey “Finding Planet Carol” as I learned to listen to family and friends with ears that were focused on what they were saying. Though we share many memories, I have been astounded by the many memories others have that I was completely oblivious to. Others have told me they have discovered things about me that they would never have thought to be true as I have become more transparent in my writing.  Paul wrote to Timothy:

“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress.” I Timothy 4:15

The truth is someone is always watching. Though we should not live to please the desires of others, neither should we be naive enough to think what we do and say doesn’t matter. It is affecting someone or something. A favorite children’s book I often refer to tells the story of what happens when a little bug sneezes. The sneeze blows a leaf across the pond that bumps a frog that…that….that…and by the end of the book there is a major event occurring downtown all because a bug sneezed. Today it feels like my weaknesses are screaming for all to see, but inside there is a joy that is my strength. I will choose to let that joy of the Lord have control of this day and perhaps a moment will occur where another is encouraged and hope can rise up in their heart. I may never know, but making the effort to be that kind of person feels really good.

My tree is still up. Janet had hers down before New Years. Tricia clears the table before you are finished eating. My husband won’t go to bed until the party is cleaned up! I could be called lazy, but I prefer to say that I enjoy the afterglow! Our holiday was extremely busy with lots of company and several events. As fun as they were it left me exhausted. This week as I ease back into normal I am enjoying the tree- the only remaining decoration- as a reminder of all that was experienced in this room. Family we rarely see with adorable growing little ones. Friends choosing to relax for a moment putting aside the great challenges they are facing in their lives. Family all together sharing conversations without having someplace else they are rushing to be. The wonderful Christmas dishes cooked only this time of year, plus homemade desserts (and at our house fresh Belgium Chocolates!) Grandchildren wide eyed with surprise and happiness. Yes- I am a romantic and an optimist. For this reason it is important to plant these special times in my heart for all of life is not wonderful. It seems easier to recall the bad times for most people, so I store up the good memories to remind myself the truth- I am very blessed.

Last week I finished a diary- it is the first one I’ve ever done and took eleven years. It is called a Blessing Diary so the rule is only blessings can be written there. What a pleasure it was to read about the most difficult years of my life in terms of the blessings! I understood completely the wisdom in Philippians 4:8:

“Finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.”

I am looking for a new diary- I highly recommend you get one too!.....................