May of this year I received a comment on a blog I had published entitled “Happy Birthday to Me”.  For some reason I just recently saw it but feel it is a justifiable question even though the person chose to remain anonymous.  Here is the comment:

In Nov. of 2009 you posted your first blog. Just prior to that you posted your profile which said you were looking to find planet Carol. It is now 4 years plus later since that profile was posted. Who and where and what are you now 4 years down the road from beginning to seek who planet Carol is ????

1.  The discovery of me has been most enlightening.  After living for over fifty years I was amazed that I could see myself clearly for who I really am rather than who I perceived I am.  For example I found that all my giving and labor was not all out of a sincere heart of love, but often to compensate for the weaknesses of others.  The word boundaries has taken new meaning as I find that giving in and of itself can bring frustration and weariness if in fact it is not true to my hearts desire.  It is in my best interest and better for others to often say the word no!   Saying no more often has made saying yes much more fulfilling and enriched my life.  In addition the patterns that have been repeated in my life have opened my eyes to realize I have only begun to learn the secrets of a healthy satisfying life.  Today I see myself continuing the roller coaster ride of my body weight.  However now I know I made a good friend called dessert that I cling to in moments of stress.  Awareness has increased my hope to let this friend go and I have experienced enough victories to know this is a really bad relationship.  I have great empathy for people who have made bad relationships and struggle to break the tie.  There are many other areas I could include but will let this suffice as this is a blog not a book.

2.  Where I am today is a much more peaceful place.  I am not looking for myself but rather I am embracing who I am.  Being perfect, correct, doing the right thing is no longer on the goal list.  I have replaced them with being completely honest, not fearing mistakes, and making my best effort daily to be a blessing to others.

3.  What am I now?  I am a person not ashamed of my faith in God and belief in the Bible as His Word.  In all that I read, in the many who counsel me, in the experiences of my life only those connected to God have brought me the answers I was so deeply seeking November of 2009.  A friend put it so well just the other day- no longer do I believe in God and His Word- I know God and I know His Word is truth.

Some blogs express my love for God, others share the stories of life that so many relate to or enjoy.  When I am writing now it is with the hope that some person will smile or be encouraged as I have been.  Writing is reaching out in friendship to anyone who wants to share life with me even if we never meet. Today I hope anonymous sees and reads this blog.  It is the response you send that challenges me to continue seeking….. 

I can see it, feel it, and remember the smile that came when I got it.  It was a plan for fun to share with family and friends that Christmas but circumstances kept it from happening.  Now a couple years later I remember the plan- can see the music in my hands- but for the life of me I simply can’t find that special place I put it for safekeeping until this day came!  It’s “I Wish You the Merriest, the Merriest” in four part harmony and this year we have time to learn it!  I salute my friends who stay organized and never misplace anything (though at this moment I don’t remember your names).

Truly it is a mystery no matter what the size of the office or house we may have we lose things!  I have bought many organizing containers and reorganized all my stuff a hundred times.  However, usually right after organizing it is harder to find things than ever because I was accustomed to my organized mess!

As with most things in life there is a bright side to the losing of things- finding them!  What pleasure to find a family treasure not seen in years- a Christmas present you forgot to give- a new pack of my favorite pens or the ten dollar bill in a pocket of jeans that haven’t fit for awhile.  Some people are difficult to cheer up in the days we are living right now- but not me.  I’m one of the simple ones.  The smallest gift, word of kindness or encouragement or finding something I’ve completely forgotten about can change my whole day!

Dining out at a restaurant patio this past weekend my family began discussing their jobs, salaries and upcoming opportunities.  I realized for the first time ever (me the simple one) that my part in this family is no longer significant financially.  I’m praying for a new piano student that will increase my income by fifteen dollars a week!  I starting laughing at myself and could hardly get it out to tell them why.  They had seen this truth for sometime and were quite amused I just now got it.  Walking away I thought again about that piece of music I still haven’t located.  Life is full of surprises and forgotten gifts.  Who knows really- I may still become the millionaire- I just haven’t opened the box that holds the opportunity.  I smile at the possibilities ahead………………