Monday I was helping a more advanced piano student to choose a new piece to work on.  This involved me playing several pieces for him.  At one point after making a couple mistakes I stopped and explained my eyes were watering due to allergies making it hard for me to see clearly.  “I am just…I can’t think of the word I want to describe this moment.” I said.  “Decrepit.” He answered not even taking a moment to think.  In shock I told him laughingly I wouldn't get over that for a week.  I got a dictionary and had him read the meaning; “Old. Worn out.”  He was laughing now too trying to explain he didn't really know that was what it meant.  It’s Thursday and I’m still laughing about it but also thinking about it.  After all he did describe me that way innocent or not.

Young children can get away with using words inappropriately and we think they are cute.  The older they become the less cute it is and at some point if even momentarily we take it as from the heart.  The result is hurt.  If we believe them it can even be humiliating and discouraging.  This moment caused me to reflect once again on the power of words.  There are many directed to us daily and often they are hurtful.  I decided how important it is for me to work on my listening and responding skills.  As with this young man, I can choose to reply to words directed at me.  Clarify the intent of the delivery.  Ultimately I can choose to eject them as insignificant- ignorant- or just simply wrong and avoid being affected.  

The other side of the coin is the joy of receiving words that bring joy-laughter- encouragement and/or just make us feel good!  Every day husband comes in and I call out “Baby doll!” and he answers “Sweetie Pie”.  My twenty- two month old grandson upon entering the house hollers “hello” and I respond “hello” often several times until we hug.  Recently I received a thank you card which said, “You are always the one who comes.  That means a lot.  I do want to ask one thing.  The next time you go through something- don’t shut me out.  Let me come for you next time.  No one likes to be the one on the receiving end all the time.”

It was such a beautiful sentiment for her to write.  We all have a time we need a good word and we all have something to say to another in need.  I am grateful to have such friends.  No doubt many do not.  Perhaps today I can find one of those lonely souls and say something to give them the kind of hope words opposite of decrepit can bring……….

After posting pictures of her very pink very princess room I was not prepared to present my granddaughter with bright colorful princess folders for school and have her say, “Grandma, I’m ten now.”  Already there is pressure to meet the expected standards of peers in public.   All those peers have rooms like hers- love the baby doll and Barbie play at each other’s houses, but that is home and public is different.  To her it’s like wearing pajamas to school to carry those folders.

The same week I took my now twenty-one month old grandson to a movie with the ten and twelve year old.  He lasted about 40 minutes.  I spent the other hour and fifteen minutes following him as he explored the entire theater complex struggling to keep up with him and actually tearing my pants in a happy but hilarious tug of war.  Thankfully my shirt was long enough to cover the damage.  There is no doubt about the fact that age defines us in many circumstances.  It is true that all ages mix well in many shared experiences but there are definitely as many more that they don’t.

Being of the variety that believes I am still in my twenties and relate to anyone it causes me to cringe when I am offered a hand on steep steps, asked if I am OK as my face gives away the fact I am hot, and receive a lot more advice on what to do and not to do from my family.  I need the help and rarely is the advice wrong but I struggle between wanting to remain the giver- caretaker- in control person and wanting to have a break!

These flowers have had good days and bad days this summer.  At one point I was sure they were dying.  Yet here they are today blooming as lovely as ever.  No matter what the set back may be I will hold on to the hope that I have strong blooms yet to shine and wave in the winds of life.  Tonight I go to court over a speeding ticket- I had forgotten they gave those out, but evidently some things apply to all ages!  Perhaps I will go to Wal-Mart and buy a princess shirt to throw the judge off………………

They are simply filthy.  Baby size five - I seriously consider dumping them into the trash and going to the store to replace them!  Instead of course I send them out with the older cousin to hose them down which only makes a minor improvement.  But Mommy washes and dries them and I see them like new running again on those sweet little feet. No one would ever guess they had looked like this!  What I didn’t see looking at these mud destroyed baby shoes was the great fun he was having with his little buddies at the park.  Summer rains had turned all dirt into muddy spots which little boys never think to avoid.  In the end there was a baby turning all boy happy as happy can be and modern cleaning products restored the shoes.

I can’t help but reflect upon how many other “messy sights” have I seen this week and only interpreted them on the negative side- never considering even the remote possibility that there might be a positive happy story behind the mess.  I came up with these:

A husband in a coma on the couch- the basement bathroom we’ve been working on for a couple years nearing completion (the grouting did him in!)

The front rock path to the porch full of weeds- turns out grandson needs money and I had a job to offer to earn it!

A kitchen stacked high with dirty dishes and sticky counters- a couple of wonderful dinners around a real table where friends and family actually carried on conversation.

A bank charge due to a forgotten automatic withdrawal plan- A vacation weekend with my husband away from all normal reality - we just enjoyed each other as if there were no one else in life.

An office so deep in stuff I can hardly maneuver through it- quality time with grandchildren this summer making memories that become the pearls of my life.

People working hard carrying grills, tables, chairs etc…- enjoying the summer breeze and great food under the shade trees after church. Sitting with people I usually just hug and say hi too-catching up with the daily experiences of good friends.

You may share my list or have your own or have a lot more to add!  Just in reviewing this short one I will forever remember I have a wonderful life when I look at this photo of the baby’s shoes!

Freedom

Too busy living life to write about it these days!  Every moment whether funny, serious, sad, frustrating, irritating, or simply so precious we actually pause and embrace it only comes that one time and then is forever just a memory.  In my lifetime I have missed a great deal that was happening right in front of me because I was caught up in a project, a problem, pursuing a passion, checked out in exhaustion and a million other reasons I could state.  On the other hand I have a life without regrets because of so many things I didn’t miss!  My father always said life moved faster the older you get.  Though I have experienced that to definitely feel true I wonder if it isn’t so because the older we get the better we are about sorting out what is important in the moment- better at taking the time to listen, watch, enjoy, and meditate on what really matters to us.

On this Fourth of July I am proud to be an American in spite of the fact that I am unhappy with much of what I see happening that causes me to be sad and be concerned about what my grandchildren may face in their lifetime.  Gratitude for freedom beats strong in my heart today for I understand it is something many in the world do not have.  Just like every gift in life we can use it in ways that increase our quality of life and state of contentment.  Unfortunately it can also be used as an instrument of destruction.  Freedom of speech is at the top of my concern right now.   It allows words that uplift and words that demean; words that show love and words that spew hate; words that cause us to stand strong and secure and words that demean us to the point of losing all hope.  There are volumes of books that have been written on this subject but I would like to share this thought today:

Every word I hear has the potential to affect my life but I have learned that all words are not healthy for me and I have the right to reject them.  I also have the right to embrace the words that will move me forward with invigorating joy!  Today as you read this I encourage you to attach yourself to people whose words cause you to want to get up in the morning and seek all that is good and detach yourself from those who weigh you down and make your life miserable.  America is a place I love, but my freedom comes from another source altogether:

“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed!”  John 8:36

As we thank God for freedom and blessing our country it is my prayer that you know every time an American lets you down there is freedom in the Lord Jesus Christ.  The day is coming that the only freedom that will be known will be His.  Seems reasonable to me that today might be a great day to consider that and be prepared……….

Seventy degrees, slight breeze, clear baby blue sky, and I am taking five minutes to rock on the porch and enjoy a pot of bursting blooms.  The house is silent and I am fully aware I am only 48 hours away from school being out- Grandma Camp in full swing- and silence will be a memory.  If you are well acquainted with Planet Carol you know this is a welcomed invasion.  For over a month an activity calendar has been being designed.  The rule is every day is a surprise, nevertheless they are trying to get me to unveil new adventures! I too happily anticipate the days to be shared with my favorite occupants of the earth- my grandchildren! 

Yes I will be teaching piano and a few other regular pursuits, but my occupational title will be prioritized as Grandma first and foremost.  A parent said to me recently that they weren't sure how they will be when that time in life comes.  I told them with a mischievous grin it is exhilarating- they are yours but the responsibilities that come with them are the parents!  It is true.  But the truth is I really don’t believe it!  Being privileged myself to know both sets of my grandparents I have lots of memories to prove they didn't believe it either.  Each one of them invested something important in my life:

Grandpa Bailey died when I was very young.  However I can still see the genuine love oozing from his eyes from his chair in the front room off the porch.  His adoration of family never had to be explained to me- I got to experience it and all my life lived in the confidence he had loved his granddaughter deeply.

Grandma Bailey was a devoted teacher.  I was never with her without being instructed about the importance of reading, how to cook, or how to build a worm bed. She taught  me how to row the boat, how to bait the hook (though I drew the line on taking the fish off the hook!), and how to play a multitude of games including Yahtzee and Scrabble.  My final message to her was written with letter tiles glued to a scrabble board that I sent in an overnight mail package from states away.

Grandpa Baxter had a twinkle in his eye that was always there no matter what was happening.  He taught me the joy of mixing things up in life as I watched him pour 3 different cereals into his breakfast bowl topping them with milk and both white and brown sugar.  Variety was truly his specialty.  Religiously he wound at least 10 clocks daily and I always lay in bed at night listening to the different chimes and bird sounds on the hour.  I believe he was different with boys than girls having had four boys of his own first followed by three girls who were adored and spoiled to no end by their Dad.

Grandma Baxter was the busy creative one. She was an active member of many church and community organizations. Her special craft room (which was not as common then as today) sparkled creativity as there was never a time she didn't have something for me to make.  Specifically I remember fondly the puppies made of yarn and the turkeys made one thanksgiving in Florida out of pine cones and sea shells. She was also my inspiration for piano.  She played well and her favorite music was ragtime.  She ultimately moved to Kentucky with my Mom and was my greatest fan- listening to me play the piano and appreciating all my “projects”.

So you see I can’t take credit for being the fun grandma I love to be.  I was taught by the best the joy of the title……………………

Happy Birthday To Me

Every year it is the same.  There is some chip in my brain programmed to go off when my eyes open on May the twenty-third.   I automatically begin to sing “Happy Birthday to me”. This morning I had an audience including a bright-eyed eighteen month old curly headed boy, a dozing husband with his coffee and a bustling young mother getting ready to leave with the baby at 6:30 a.m.  For the baby’s sake of course, I had to repeat the song over and over just to see him clap at the end. Now all is quiet and reflection begins.  It’s really the big six-O!  Somewhere in the night my identity has been stolen and here in this chair is a new person!  Early on in life you look forward to sixteen and twenty-one.  Thirty is overwhelming.  Forty just passes by.  Fifty seems to be the year of acknowledgement- I had 50 sheep in the yard and was taken camping and canoeing and everyone came out of the woodwork to wish me well.  Sixty?  All I want is a simple, stress-free, weekend.   The party girl doesn't want to party- she wants to enjoy whatever the moments bring and not be responsible to accomplish a thing!  Last night one of my daughter’s families called to wish me a happy last day of fifty.  My granddaughter said, “You are not old grandma.  You will always be my young blonde grandma.”  Her words inspired the following list I've created today to maintain my identity and send the thief running!

Hair dye

Respond to healthy living tips

Laugh daily

Lighten Up about Everything!

Encourage Others

   Love the Lord with all my heart 

Of course there are volumes of how to books available- just this morning the book “Younger Next Year” was recommended to me.  An avid reader I will probably look for a copy.  But the truth is that I do love birthdays.  I love that I was created and then blessed with a great family.  Surrounded by friends I have never been alone even on my worst day.  A spoiled rotten brat who has new dreams and visions brewing in my future!  Watch out world- I am not fading- just switching into a new gear and truly thankful for life…………..

Just a handful of pennies with grandpa at the horse track was a favorite memory of Mom would explain in detail.  Her grandmother (as I myself would be) was horrified and did not condone this activity shared by the two of them.  But as life sometimes goes it evidently happened on numerous occasions.  According to Mom they spent a lot of time going over what to look for in a winning horse.  It was not surprising when she moved to Louisville over twenty years ago that Derby Day was always fun for her.  She never went to the track.  However she had her newspaper ready with all the details about each horse and the television tuned to the station.  All day she would sit with her paper and mark the horses she thought would win- watch the race- and then give her cocky smile and cheer as every race at least one or more of her choices would win.

Over the years we made the day special for her.  My husband would plan to barbecue and I made several derby hats she would wear all day.  The family would gather, but in the midst of whatever the chaos she would stay steady with her newspaper and watch the races.  Every year we vowed next year we would take her to the track and put real money on her choices, but not being a family given to gambling it just never happened.

As on may occasions this past year my heart stirred with memories of the good times we shared during this time. It was shortly after Derby last year that she passed on.  Early this week I started having the thought that if the name of any of the horses struck a chord that related to her or my thoughts of her that this year I would make a wager.  As the names and stories of the horses came out nothing hit me so I was giving up my “crazy” thought as just another moment of being overwhelmed missing my Mom.

Yesterday I woke up to a rainy derby day and flipped on the local television coverage.  Shortly into the program I heard the name “Golden Soul”.  That’s it I thought.  She is now my golden soul!  I called my daughter and asked her how to place a bet.  She didn't know, but was intrigued by my idea and decided to figure it out.  In the end we placed the bet together just enjoying the moment of how fun Mom would have thought this would be.  I sent a text to a few family and friends about what we had done and then I spent the day cooking with my other daughter.  My husband pulled out the grill and at six in the evening the TV trays were set up and we were all enjoying a lovely meal.

Jim and the grandchildren stood for the singing of “My “Ol Kentucky Home” as the horses headed for the gate.  They were off!  Of course we looked for “Golden Soul” but he was not with the leaders.  Then they rounded the middle turn.  My daughter who placed the bet with me was on her feet.  “He’s coming up Mom! Look!  Look!”  We were all screaming then and cheering him on.  In the last few lengths of the race he took a leading position and crossed the line in second place.  Of the three winning horses that second place paid the most on the dollar of all the horses who placed!  It was a small bet that paid nicely.

What I will do with “my winnings” remains to be decided and will probably fade into the place where memories store up in our brain until triggered by Derby talk in the days to come.  But the sweetness of doing it all just to honor my Mom’s memory and it actually turning out to be a winner will be in the forefront of my thoughts for many days to come.  Thanks Mom for the fun I have and will forever share with you.  I sent a text to my sister-in-law, "We haven’t stopped screaming!"  She texts back, “Neither has Mom!”……….