Last night’s headline- Civil War!- in the largest font used on the front page I’ve seen in a long time- larger and more prominent than the F-4 Tornados that brought such horrific damage just north and south of Louisville!  Perhaps it is justified.  The tornado’s brought death, and injuries that will change lives forever.  The damages sustained will take years to deal with and the lay of the land will be forever altered in some places.  The Civil War referred to in this headline is of course the UK/ Uof L game in the final four this weekend.  Only in Louisville can you find professional mature adults holding so tightly to their team’s flag that we have houses divided by a huge ribbon with one side Red and the Other Blue.  This fierce emotional battle of the teams has a hold on this city that trumps even the Derby we are so famous for hosting every spring!  The blues and the reds will dress down to their socks and painting their bodies so there is no doubt where they stand.  We the by standers are totally non-existent- even jeered as sissies with no backbone.  I pray there are no deaths or bodily injuries on or off the court.  However, there will be damages sustained in relationships, bragging rights to bully the losing color, and heckling that will go on without a break until next march comes.

There are many vices we choose in life that bring enjoyment and a sense of purpose and belonging.  For the most part these activities are simple good fun and promote physical, emotional, spiritual wellness.  I’m certain in the sea of red and blue out there are many in that category and therefore misjudged when thrown in the big picture I just painted.  I said I would never use a cell phone, and now am at its 24/7 beck and call.  It has taken years to improve my computer skills which now produce much of my work and creative projects. I have been heckled by my husband about my relationship to my computer trumping my relationship with him to the degree I considered his remarks seriously not wanting to be guilty and have consistently defended and argued my case.

Only a few weeks ago did my husband cross over to “the dark side’ and join face book team.  I set him up as he had many friends in his past wanting to friend me that I didn’t know.  I told him if he wanted to reconnect with them he would have to do it himself.  The night he started I heard him laughing. He began to regularly share information and have many tales to tell.  He still says he won’t touch the game world as I do Scrabble, but none the less he is very happy and I will here him say “I need to log in and catch up!”    A couple nights ago he came to bed very agitated.  “What’s wrong?”  I asked as he continued pounding his pillow and mumbling to himself.  “I tried everything you showed me”, he said,” and there is no way to download the picture of the Louisville Bird on my page!  The game is tomorrow night!!!!”  I couldn’t stop laughing.  I posted it for him the next morning and called to get exactly what he wanted to say.  His gratitude was genuine appreciation and excitement!   Whether from depression or exhilaration it is yet to be seen- but this weekend there will be an exhausted man in my house who religiously wears his uniform and flies his flag by the front porch.  No damages will be sustained at our house as I don’t worship the big brown bouncy ball, nevertheless I pray that it will stay safe and sane in our city in the midst…………

For sixteen years I ran a good size Child Care Center caring for up to 150 kids in the summer months.  One staff meeting I handed all the staff a piece of paper and pencil and then held up a very nice prize to be awarded to the winner.  The assignment?   List all the pet peeves of your director (that would be me).   Though timid at first the group really got into it and several had some pretty long lists.  Tone of voice, clocking in late, sitting on the playground watching kids play, and on and on and on the expected responses were written.  There was only one however that was on everyone’s list- always roll the tape on the back of what you are hanging- tape is never to be seen!

To this day if I am working on something with a former staff member I will hear them instruct children or other helpers to roll the tape to hang it up.  In a world overwhelmed with regulations, mandatory rules and every government agency imaginable visiting to see if the water temperature is right the one thing I got across to ALL the staff was roll the tape!  I wanted us to always look our best and I loved decorating with projects made by children.

Recently my sister told me that since she has moved Louisville where I live she has a completely different view of who I am and the realities of my life.  Basically she said I always look happy, prosperous, completely together and now she knows it is often not true.  I love giving gifts and she has discovered I am a master re-gifter when I want to bless someone.  I will choose to go out for lunch, never pass a sale bin, and help out family and friends whether I have money or not and pay the piper later.  Looking happy all the time gave her the impression there were not problems or sadness in my life when the reality is I have experienced serious ongoing heartbreaking issues that exist today.

Yesterday I added something to my pet peeve list- price tags placed on items that are impossible to get off without leaving a scratch where you rubbed with a nail or took paint off using polish remover to get the glue off!  No matter, they look sweet as the tags were on the back so in the photo above you just see the sweet little chicks- not the scratches and the missing paint on their backsides where the price tags were super-glued on! 

  

I hide the tape or other the flaws, once spoke in front of about fifty women  wearing panty hose completely worn out with a gaping hole taped together with duck tape unseen underneath my lovely outfit- took a picture when they towed my car away and I smile when someone I dearly love is seriously suffering and it is breaking my heart.  Does that make me a fake?  It’s real for me.  Real that joy can break through suffering- fulfillment can break through need and beauty can break through without showing its hidden flaws.  

“God is my rock of refuge, to which I can always go; He alone gives the command and saves me, I dwell within His impenetrable fortress.”  Psalm 71:3 Planet Carol Version 

You are His gift to me to share my wonderful life…

Mom, AJ, Autumn and I shared an outing after school to the park where “the grandmas” watched the grandchildren attempting tennis.  Such a delightful time was enjoyed by all as we cheered on the players inexhaustible efforts.  Unknown to Mom or me during the ride from place to place Autumn was recording her memory of this day together in the drawing pictured above.  I love that grandma (that would be me) is in her sunglasses with her hair flying in the wind!  Big brother’s tongue is hanging out.   The details that come from a child’s imagination are inspiring.  They are aware of so much more than we think and their minds are sponges soaking up everything they see and hear.  Why is it then that as adults instead of soaking it all up more often we seek to tune it all out?  Where does life become serious business instead of the gift that it is? Each year it’s a younger and younger generation that loses the innocence and joy of being the child. The following incomplete list describes people I come in contact with every day.

 

·                           Sweet, happy, friendly, content folks who make you just want to sit on the porch with them and share a homemade cookie watching the cars go by.

·                           Sad, lifeless, and withdrawn people who won’t even look you in the eye.

·                           Bitter, angry people who find something to complain or holler about all day.

·                           Smiling faces of people who love to smell the roses, not order a newspaper and never turn the TV on.

·                           Hurting, desperate, frightened people who live in fear and always in crisis mode.

·                           Truly caring people yet too overwhelmed with their own life troubles to be there for another.

·                           Rebellious independent people who are going to do their own thing without any concern for how it affects others.

·                           Exhausted people so stressed they no longer have the ability to be kind.

·                           Anxious, gossipy, insecure people who just worry and live in expectation of gloom and doom.

·                           Funny carefree people who always make you laugh and forget any trouble in the world.

·                           People who are one of the above one day and another next.

Contemplating this list it is easy for me to choose the asterisks I would want to be used to describe myself.  Perhaps I will concentrate on my granddaughter’s drawing- and imagine myself being exactly what she saw that day all the time………………..

Leap Year has come and gone. Media reports of extreme parties for those with birthdays all over the world gave something positive and interesting to hear!  Personally I think it should be a day off for everyone.  Why can’t we stop the world for one day every four years- after all we are in control of it- or not.  My newest grandson celebrated his first leap year in a way that makes grandma proud- he got on an airplane for the first time- read the safety manual- loved his safety seat and happily posed for all who stopped by!  It’s a sign his life will include leaps of adventure and I believe he will make the most of each one.  There was only one little downside- the plane landed in North Carolina instead of Louisville.  He doesn’t care- he is happy on his adventure, but grandma is having a problem waiting for the flight to arrive at her house in April!

 

Planet Carol gravitates to any celebration.  I love decorating for the season, finding a reason to send a card, and having unique opportunities to make something with the grandkids to share with friends and neighbors.  I will stop whatever I am doing to copy an idea or save a photo to remind me of a project I might do one day! Since my grandson doesn’t know yet what a cool leap year day he’s experienced I am using his first flight to celebrate his adventure with you !  As I have learned to feel real joy for another’s opportunity there has been stronger contentment in my life.  For even if I am not the one doing the thing- celebrating with the one who is plants seeds of hope and possibility for my future.  I have not made it a secret in writing this blog that I am a Christian who loves the Lord.  Having titled myself as such I must say that during my journey there are many times my life has not reflected what I have been so sure of in my heart.  I am still getting to know this Lord of my life and am excited to report that I have found He is far more interested in my enjoying this life than I am. As a parent I am sad when my children are struggling and thrilled when they find their way to contentment- how much more is this true of the Lord I love.  Instead of the job I think He wants me to do today I will seek the reason to celebrate just living………

“You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

 Psalm 16:11

Yesterday I was spending quality time with my mom who struggles with short term memory issues. She asked me what day it was and I told her January 28 and talked all about leap year being tomorrow (which of course is today).  “Then why are we taking Valentine’s Day decorations down?” she asked, “It isn’t for two more weeks…”   Caught in my mistake we started the conversation over. Mom was really enjoying this and laughing suggested I may in fact be the one who needs help with her memory!  This is not the first such incident to occur during our time together.  Mom is always making me laugh at myself and it feels so good.  Somehow it seems that the more time I reflect upon who I am and where I have come in my own life I find the negatives want to push to the forefront and take the lead.   Having become a more avid listener I sadly must report this to be true of many of my peers.  Where are the happy people?

Today I want to thank the following people who no longer live in this world for mentoring happiness in my life.  By the grace of God I will be on someone’s list one day…:

                 Aunt Betty:  The aunt with no children of her own who spoiled me rotten, sat at the dessert table with me on thanksgiving until we had tasted everything, got away with telling my military father to chill, and on whose driveway I first kissed my husband.

                 Dad:  Wearing an old straw hat he sang “Down by the Old Mill Stream” with Mom every Friday night.  This was the end of a Friday night ritual to the then five(later six) of his children who chased peanuts down the hall, blew bubbles all over the kitchen with straws using dish soap, and performed our show of the week. Those nights were priceless as strict rules reigned the rest of the time.  He loved and respected my husband of choice and made him feel esteemed.  This military man who mellowed over the years in the end tried to teach me what he hadn’t always known- lighten up!

                 Dan and Barbara:  Their love and hospitality liberally shared with us as newlyweds green around the gills was inexhaustible.  They always had time for us as if time stood still and they had no one else in the world to talk to or help out.  I didn’t know till years later the heavy burdens they carried in life during that time as they lived so relaxed and content!

                 Bob and Eddie:  Their door was open twenty-four seven.  As a college kid know it all these retired missionaries loved me and respected me for where I was in life.  They made me think, but didn’t correct.  Through the years from a distance they continued to build me up and cheer me on to do anything I felt God put in my heart.

                 Panky:  My husband’s great aunt who sent the most outrageous cards we ever received no matter what the holiday. A family favorite was a greeting from Hell, Michigan (a real placeJ).  We have a Christmas one received years ago that we still put up in December.  The woman refused to be serious ever!!!!!

                 Jane:  She loved to shop and saved coupons for me to use when I came to visit.  Having a good time was priority and she loved to laugh.  Always thinner and more current in her fashion look- yet she always made me feel beautiful.  She appreciated everything I ever did for her with enthusiastic sincere gratitude.  Though greatly suffering herself was quick to put my need on her top ten prayer list.

                

"It has taken three months of practice to get this ball in my hand.  Now let’s see.  What am I to do with it?”  Everyone has patience with the baby as he develops his personality, gains control of his arms and fingers, learns to communicate and much more.  We are all excited at every new stage- every accomplishment- and we clap and cheer over every roll, smile, and coo!   Wonder what the world would be like if we never lost that patience with each other’s development.  If we showered one another with hugs, words of encouragement, and sincerely tolerated the inability to perform what everyone was anxiously waiting for us to do?

In my observations expectations from a child become more intense in adult minds as early as six months old.  If the child isn’t walking at a year old people panic and push. When the child is not    following all the “behavior rules” by eighteen months aggravation seeps in. Already our tolerance has diminished to the degree we cannot see an innocent sweet child as unique- different- a one of a kind creation with their own path to follow.  “Train up a child in the way he should go and he shall  not depart from it  sat on my Dad’s dresser taped to a photo of all us kids.  To guide, instruct, and make fit for sharing in life with others in this world. These are good things, yet the methods used to “train” are so numerous we find ourselves as adults in a frustrated world unable to agree, compromise, and selfishly holding on to our method as the right one.  I am not saying I don’t believe there are absolute truths because I do.  What I am saying is that upon finding myself in an unexpected breaking point in my life not only was I amazed - but everyone who knew me!  I truly needed care- help to learn to juggle my ball- but I was past the “age” of development so patience to help me came only from a blessed few.

As a spectator of human interactions I am so blessed to observe loving caring behavior extended to others.  Sadly, however, I see more examples of what I pray I never would do. As I have mellowed out in my more “mature years” visions of things I have said and done to others in my past bring remorse to my heart.  Personal passions forced onto others only drove them away.  Only what was observed that another desired for themselves caused a gravitational pull towards me and gave me the opportunity to mentor another.  There are beliefs and just causes that remain passionate in my heart, but if my heart cries for love and understanding I can only presume yours does too…………….

Morning.  It’s a given we will wake up every day.  My husband was born on Ground Hog Day so as usual we watched the movie this year.  Waking up to the same day over and over drives this character to extreme measures to figure out what to do with his life.  I realized today when I woke up a deeper insight in the movie- most of us open our eyes to be immediately reminded of something in our lives we don’t want to face AGAIN! Whether it’s my belly that jiggles like Jell-O, my checkbook that wants to bleed red, an illness or chronic pain, a heartbreak, a recent death- oh my goodness this world is full of trouble!  Before the first yawn is finished I can be robbed of the joy of morning. I for one do not enjoy looking for the same answer day after day and for whatever the reason not finding it.  For all of you who have all the answers and think solving everything is just matter of fact I simply don’t believe that is reality.  Grace and Mercy.  I need it fresh and new every morning!

Failure abounds in humanity.  We all have them.  Strength abounds as well and we all have those.  Receiving that new fresh grace and mercy each day always builds my strengths and fades my failures.  Joy comes in the morning when I do this.  For years I have awakened on my birthday singing “Happy Birthday to Me!”  It is a unique loving God who sings every morning to all who will listen “Good Morning to you!”…………