There is a receipt from Taco Bell dated April 2, 2011 6:00 pm.  It was for a Diet Pepsi and a Mountain Dew for the Bride and Maid of Honor-twin sisters heading for baby sister's special day.  They were scheduled to arrive at the ceremony at 6:00 pm!  Of course there had been a call to delay a little- something about the groom not having socks.  Upon arriving the wind gusted and the sweet flower girl’s petals blew out into the parking lot causing a hundred petal pick up by the bride and bridesmaids.  As everyone was lining up we looked at the banner I had spent several hours making at the brides request and in shock we saw that a letter was missing.  The Pastor’s wife sprinted to the vehicle to find the missing letter.  By now things were quite a bit behind so the bride made the decision just not to use the banner.  This of course horrified the nephew whose job it was to carry it down the isle.  Grandma stepped in and calmly smiled and said to let him carry it- no one would probably even notice it.  So “Here Comes The Bri e” was gallantly carried down the isle.  Of course we found the D right after the ceremony was over.  The really fun parts of life are often unseen- no one inside patiently waiting ever knew any of this!

 

Last week I was making a new poster for our Children’s Church honoring those who memorize the books of the Bible.  Gathering the extra letters from the wedding project I had everything I needed except a B.  I decided to borrow it from the banner which now hangs in my home office.  The next day I took the photo above while laughing- this married couple is about to have their first child- how appropriate is the banner now!  My daughter may decide she wants to keep it after allJ

There is a time and season for everything and it is NOW.  We miss so many special moments caught up in keeping schedules and having chosen responsibilities cause us to be anxious or upset.  We miss NOW when our thoughts are in the past or the future.  Today I choose to pay attention to what is happening around me as I walk, talk, read, eat, and work on my projects of the day.  I expect if I focus on the moment I may notice some petals flying in the wind or a stray letter on the ground.  If perhaps I have crossed the path of a wedding party trying to get into their ceremony I will have enjoyed the pleasure of sharing a moment that made me smile I won’t forget…

It is easy for anyone to see what makes my world go round!  Before the end of the year there will be another little one for me to love and enjoy - I am giddy just thinking about it.  This truth causes an element of jealousy in my life leading to occasional friction. I just can’t help making grandchildren the priority trumping all other requests as much as ninety percent of the time.  For ten years they have been the innocent joy, spontaneous fun, unpredictable words, and sincere and heartfelt hugs in the path of my life.  Without a doubt the old adage is true- It is a lot more fun being the grandma!

All grandmas are not like me and I have been criticized for doing too much (most often by those neglected due to their presence) with the kids.  However, I have found Planet Carol and in finding her there have been both strengths to celebrate and weaknesses to mourn.  What is not there is regret.  In all that my journey has been I wouldn’t trade it for anyone I know!  It reflects strongly my imperfections as equally as my passions.  Since there has been no one on earth perfect since Jesus walked it I feel good about being me.  That is the place I have discovered I need to be in order to be able to deal with issues in my life.  Looking in the mirror of my heart and finding I love that person is the only reason to look in the mirror on the wall and deal with the physical person I see.  Jesus loves me this I know.  What started this blog was not only that I had lost touch with who I am- but also the discovery I no longer loved myself.   It takes years for habits to become ingrained- so unlike my normal self that believes for miracles daily- in this place I know I am looking at doing some time……it’s ok…..that is all there is……………

You haven’t seen anything as horrific as or funnier than me doing a belly flop on a cement floor!  No photos this time!  I was just walking my normal walk and the toe of my sandal caught an upraised metal carpeting door strip and I flew and flopped!  Two friends and my grandson witnessed this flight and were immediately there to help.  After sitting a few minutes and having a sip of water I regained my composure and accessed there was no serious damage.  To my amazement my grandson had the strength to help me up!  Ten minutes later I was delivering a short speech from the platform of our church as we were honoring our pastor whom I have shared friendship with since college.  My daughter said I seemed “different” but no one else noticed a thing!

 

It is always the morning after in these cases.  Accessing myself then I found there was nothing that didn’t hurt!  Though I am fine, there will be more days of walking through the healing process.  Truly this is a perfect example of so many instances in our lives where it goes by so fast- we quickly process- and we run on.  Later we wake up in pain.  It might be the pain of words spoken without thinking that later cause hurt in relationship- doing a job poorly only to have to do it over- not taking time to stop and play with a child only to find him no longer a child in the blink of an eye- Not standing up for someone when they needed you only to watch them suffer when you could have helped.  Just a few of the things that happen to us all in our busy traffic patterns every day and yet we don’t change.  In the same way that my children want to buy me a helmet (this was not the first fall) I believe God would like to place speed bumps on these roads we race down to prevent us from missing so much.  His speed bumps are not sickness or trips to hurt us, but rather an urging of the Holy Spirit within us so strong we can’t ignore it is there, but we can choose to ignore to respond to it and miss a blessing.  Distraction is the main reason we miss these urgings in our heart.  In work or play I want to stay focused to hear His voice………..

On a day quite far in the future I will be someone still cute but old.  I can picture it now and there is not one doubt that I will still direct my life. Today as I write I confess for its true-even now I’m not good at doing what I am told even if it is really best for me!  I am asking God to help me to recall my mother’s laugh at eighty-one and her reaching up to kiss my cheek.  As short as I am she is still very small to me (though my family declares I am shrinking right now!).   I consider her a hope image of many things I’d like to be.  Her mother lived till 96 and I expect that she will too- another reason to rejoice in this day!

 

A call came Friday night as Mom had taken a fall, so my evening of shopping alone with the windows rolled down enjoying a gorgeous night was detoured to the emergency room.  The wait was long even though she had come in an ambulance. My sister came with dinner- it was so good and her presence brought sunshine to Mom in the moment.  Thankfully all x-rays and CT scans showed no breaks or problems.  We headed home close to midnight by way of McDonald’s for a happy meal- a favorite treat when Mom misses supper.

 

Later as I drove myself home in the middle of the night having settled Mom and tucked her in bed there was a joy that rose in my heart. Smiling and giggling alone in my car my love for Mom just consumed me. I grabbed a pen to make a few notes as I never want to forget this moment of reflecting upon sharing life with her. When I bring her four cases of Diet Pepsi, three boxes of Kleenex, and twelve rolls of toilet tissue she does a little dance of delight like a child on Christmas Day.  She always reaches out with grateful hugs for any thing I do- I realize it’s the simple things that truly make her feel secure.  Heartfelt appreciation for simple tasks done- so lacking in a world of demand!  Mom can’t remember what she had for lunch, if anyone called or came by.  However she’ll tell me the food was good, and she has been busy and having lots of fun! 

 

For many more years as I prepare to leave her home I’ll get repeated hugs, kisses and waves goodbye!  Since it’s hard to imagine what exactly I’ll be like in this far in the future day- I am writing these thoughts so I can compare my behavior with Moms- one who is a special joy in my life today………

“He’s eight.  I read an article about this.  All children are hideous at the age of eight.”  So says Tom Hanks in Sleepless in Seattle though he has a discussion with his son after the incident. I have an eight year old grandchild and teach many eight year olds piano.  Believe me there is nothing out there for you to read to be prepared for emotions of an eight year old!   In addition if you think you know what they are thinking you may be delusional- more often than not it is not at all what we think.  It is shocking how many times I have corrected a mistake during a lesson only to be glared at by an eight year old who declares. “That is what I just played” in a grumpy smart aleck tone.  Upon convincing them of the correct way I have never received an apology without asking for it. This is Happy Music Class and I am committed to making every lesson fun.  There is no ruler slapping fingers, but I have been known to withhold a sticker or use five minutes of a lesson to teach about respect.  My attitude has changed in recent years from one of disgust that this child should know better to one with more sensitivity due to the fact I know nothing of what they experienced that day or any other!  The lack of respect and undisciplined behavior is appalling in this generation.  A photo sat on my parent’s dresser of all of the children with the scripture taped to it-

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  Proverbs 22:6

The first half of this verse is our job- the second half is our faith.

Unsettling is putting it mildly that every eight year old has a friend at school or in the neighborhood who is dealing with divorce, has a parent in jail, knows about a family losing their car or home, and often even someone abused.  My grandson upon arriving at camp for the first time this summer announced loudly at the registration table, “My Mom is a lawyer!”  He also let them know he didn’t like the time supper was being served.  He was ridiculous in choosing his bunk complaining it was too hard.  None of this was normal behavior for “Mr. Socialite” and of course my daughter pulled him aside for a serious talk.  Then I figured it out.  He had some fears in spite of his excitement of going to camp. I handed my daughter a snack before I left them to chat longer.  He was too busy jumping off the diving board to wave goodbye when we left, but the reality check that even the safest places we have investigated thoroughly may not feel safe to a child today.  We cannot do enough to love and protect them from all we can.  They are hearing things we wish they didn’t’ so listening and helping them process is more important than ever.  If you cross the path of an eight year old today smile, hug them, make them laugh.  For most of us the world was easier to deal with when we were eight…………

It’s a home run!  Kids never consider that there won’t be one.  The excitement and anticipation of what is inevitable in their minds is more than enough to keep them involved (plus of course a hot dog!)  When was the last time I jumped for joy?  Oh, it was yesterday when I got two seven letter words in a row on my scrabble games!  Of course hearing that I was to be a grandma again would be on my “jump for joy list” this year, but the truth is if I only jump for joy when the astounding or amazing happens it is a wake-up call that I am forgetting how to play.  The countenance of a child who is not allowed to play is not a pleasant sight.  Being the transparent person that I am the same is true for me- people know when I am not taking time to play because I am not as pleasant to be around.  Being raised by a Navy Chief Petty officer meant play was earned at my house.  The chore list ruled and inspections were tiresome and sometimes fearsome!  “Will I get to play?” was the question lingering in my mind.

 

An important part of my journey this past year has been relearning to play.  I had been trained so well that I have felt guilty for playing anytime I hadn’t worked really hard to earn it.  I am amazed I still have friends who have put up with that over the years- always too busy earning the right and rarely giving myself freedom to enjoy myself even after a job well done!  People actually did avoid me at times knowing I would do my best to con them into joining me in my workaholic activities which in and of themselves were “righteous and good”.  Today I am going to play because people who love me want to interact with a happy, rested, focused person.  Everyone has their own personal issues going on so a breath of fresh air is always welcome- a reason to hope!  No one likes to be preached to, but most of us are relieved to find a place where we can relax and just enjoy life for a moment.  My hope is in God.  Thankfully His Word is “Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”  Psalm 31:24.  I can do that playing…….

Is there anyone out there having any trouble interpreting this photo?  “Tell me the way to go home…. I’m tired and I want to go to bed!”  Somehow my life has always been my living from event to event.  There have been only rare moments of looking at a blank calendar.  This is a self inflicted addiction.  I’m a holiday girl.  Give me a reason to hang a new wreath, decorate, create an invitation, or slip someone a small gift and I’m on it!  I drive people crazy because I just can’t “not make a big deal” out of everything!  At the same time they love me for it.  So this morning when I really am too tired to function the phrase my best friend and I share comes to mind.  “It’s time to turn the volume down!” The past two days I haven’t wanted to listen to the radio in the car- I needed silence.  A verified cell phone twenty-four seven junkie and I hit the off button for an hour. It was hard- Mom might need me, a daughter is pregnant, business calls!  When I turn it off it always is the moment of emergency and the horror of not being able to find me….. Yes, definitely a personal problem.

I have learned the hard way (getting sick etc…) the world can function just fine without me.  Yet I love being in the middle of it with those I love and care about. Today I see the energizer bunny running from one end of the teeter-totter to the other making it go up and down single-handedly- truly believing that it is important to keep it moving.  “What a fool am I!” and yet kind of cute and funny tooJ  Well, for today I shall give myself a break.  I wouldn’t wish this tired on anyone else so I have decided not to accept it for myself either.  When I asked the children last Sunday how many days it took God to create the earth they all said seven!  I had to repent of not teaching them clearly the example God set for us in the beginning….God created the earth in six days….and on the seventh day He rested, blessed His work, and sanctified it.  I’m just saying I going back to bed……