Towanda strikes again!  I will never forget walking up the sidewalk when my grandchildren were about three and five and finding my daughter swinging an axe. Her son also had an axe and little bit had a hammer both swinging helping Mommy tear down a metal shed in the backyard.  Thus the name “Towanda” was born.  My daughter can go for months or even years like all the rest of us with a project list somewhere around the house we plan to do “someday”.  Then out of nowhere- when you least expect it- she decides to take on the outrageous do it yourself plan.   Since the shed she has taken on other jobs including going on the roof to install air conditioners and tearing out her bathroom floor and creating a one of a kind tile floor which is really quite creative. Last week Towanda appeared again and I was sent this photo of moving the dishwasher and sink.  The stove and refrigerator will go next as this room is being changed to my granddaughters bedroom. The dining room will become a great room including the kitchen.  Having never recovered from the metal shed incident, she knows I won’t be over, but appreciates my cheering her on exchanging texts and photos.

When the project is finished she will bask in the victory of overcoming another hurdle in life.  Accomplishing something she feels very important to her family’s comfort and well being.  As a Mom I would like for things to happen a little easier.  They are a very typical hardworking American family living in a time where extras are hard to come by for all of us.  I am thankful her response is not to give up, but always believe what you really want can be possible if you take action.  Motivation is not my strongest point these days.  I stay very busy with my piano students, family, and children’s ministry yet there are other things that have remained on my project list I still have yet to attempt!  When Towanda is finished and I go and see the new rooms perhaps I will gain courage to take a step of my own…………..

I have a story to tell.  Some of you are already laughing.  Everyone who knows me prepares themselves to hear a story whenever I appear.  Most of them are pretty interesting and entertaining.  Some are shocking.  I don’t consider any of them irrelevant as they always seem to touch a spot somewhere in the listeners own experiences of life.  On the downside I can be long- winded as one of my daughters will often say, “Get to the point, Mom!”  However, the truth is I have a story to tell that hasn’t been told.  The hesitation to tell it is related to what affect that it might have on the characters.  Though I would certainly not consider myself a private person, I am sensitive and empathetic to the feelings others causing me to not reveal details which makes some of my writing vague to you the reader.  (For all you speculators out there my marriage is in better shape than most people I know!)

I just finished reading “The Help” which is now a movie.  I can honestly say no book has ever impacted me like this one.  Just as the movie “Julie and Julia” inspires us to blog, this book has inspired me to write my story. My story will address completely different facts, but as “The Help” shocking truth.  What we don’t talk about may in fact hold the keys to freedom for many of us. However, sometimes remaining bound in ignorance is more comfortable.   Another excuse is “Problem Pile Up”- a common term these days.  It is exhausting to sort through everything happening to us and attempt to organize ourselves. Actually addressing one or two of our problems to find a solution can be overwhelming!  I have had hour long conversations with family, friends, and newer acquaintances this week that are all stuck in the middle of their problems like a mouse in a maze who can’t find his way out.  With all that going on it is easy to cast aside the story of the deeper issues which have been the most challenging for us to face!  If we do when the story is shared there will be reactions and a price to be paid.  Today I continue to write “Glimpses in My Journey” that I feel are so important to validate. Experiences God meant for us to enjoy, learn from, and feel good about.  For everything there is a time, a season, and then comes change……

After descending the 75 step spiral staircase I knew I was in trouble.  I was sure the brochure mentioned something about 50 steps.  The trail ahead was full of steps!  It was the final day of Grandma Camp and I wanted the day to be perfect. However, my granddaughter was in a skirt and we were both wearing flip-flops- such great preparation for a cave hike!  Retreat was not an option and our early tour was with just one other family so it was very relaxed.  My grandson took the lead with the guide and was in heaven learning some new things, but of course also discussing his knowledge of the cave creating equality between the guide and himselfJ.  My granddaughter was more cautious and early on noticed my slowness to bring up the rear. 

The cave was beautiful and interesting so it was easy to distract her away from my struggle in the beginning, but when she hollered out, “Slow down, grandma needs a minute!” the truth was clear to all.  Thankfully no one commented.  About fifteen minutes later the sixth staircase of 20 or so steps appeared. I consulted the guide about exactly how far we were into our journey.  He assured me we were close to the end and then would simply retrace the path.  I climbed the last twenty steps finding myself on a small bridge with a river rushing under my feet. A short distance away a beautiful small waterfall appeared.  My favorite thing- a photo spot! 

Finally we turned back.  I didn’t voice any concern, but then I heard-“Hey you guys, wait for grandma!”  Soon after the guide announced the lights were going to be turned off and we would experience total darkness.  When the switch was hit immediately my grandson was hollering “I can see!  I can see!”  The guide patiently explained that his eyes were trying to find light and that causes some people to see flashes while their eyes adjust.  My granddaughter, clinging to me tightly, clearly stated at least five times, “I can’t see anything.  Turn the lights back on.” 

It was soon over.  Everyone disappeared up the staircase except for the guide, my granddaughter and I.  I offered to let the guide go ahead since it would take me longer, but of course he had to be last.  We started up.  It wound so closely you couldn’t see more than three steps ahead of you.  At ten steps I was already deep breathing and took a break. I started stopping a moment probably every six steps or so. My breathing became so obvious my granddaughter asked if I was going to have a heart attack.  I assured her I would make it fine- just slowly.  Then we heard my grandson yelling from somewhere above us, “Come on you guys- there are a lot more steps!”  After a couple more stops he hollered the same thing again.  I spoke to the guide behind me whom I couldn’t see, “We are at least half way, right?”  He assured me we were and thus the journey went slowly to the top, with grandson hollering down and granddaughter all but attempting to carry me! 

Upon reaching the final step the guide appeared behind me.  I had enough strength to say "chair" which he graciously led me to. I sent the kids to get our water bottles in the car.  We sat for twenty minutes until I was breathing normal and laughing.  It was a great time overall and a beautiful adventure drive home using unfamiliar roads to reach the city.  When we met up with my daughter I simply said, “Sweetheart your Mom has a very healthy heart.  I passed my stress test today.”

Young children have been my focus and captured my heart for many years.  As a children’s minister, school teacher, piano teacher, camp leader and most recently a grandmother these little minds never cease to amaze me.  It makes me cringe to remember times I was not tuned in and operated like a sergeant rather than a teacher.  Along the way I did learn some things: 

1. Children are real people who deserve love and respect.
2. Children always know more than you think they do about whatever is happening around them.
3. A child’s spirit and zest for life can easily be broken if mistreated and when it is the repair is difficult.
4. Children need to be heard.  If we don’t take time to listen to them they will either hibernate within themselves or find someone to listen whose response may harden their hearts rather than nurture them lovingly. 

I am concerned about our children.  As the nation cries for improvements in the Education System I cry for the children in the classroom.  My concern is illustrated well in a children’s book “All Because a Little Bug went Ker-choo!”  The bug sneezes and that blows a leaf.  The leaf hits a frog causing him to jump out of the water which causes a stone to fly…in the end there is a parade that ends in humorous disaster all because a little bug went ker-choo!   Pressure for performance from the top is being passed down through all the chains of command to the degree that by the time it reaches the classroom the teachers are so stressed they can no longer afford to nurture our children.  Get to know them personally.  Respect them as individuals who are unique in their strengths and weaknesses.  The focus is on making the goal no matter what and in less than two weeks of school even the teacher who desires to help all children has already labeled the children in their class who are seen as a liability in achieving their academic goals. 

As I look around I must say we are losing something very important in setting idyllic goals and often unreasonable expectations. It is called respect for the human being.  Respect means we are willing to engage in a relationship with another person (including a child) and build confidence and positive self esteem by encouraging one another in our strengths.  Yes we have the possibility of inventing the newest technology, but also and more importantly, there is an opportunity for each of us to take our place in a love starved society and truly care about someone.   Everywhere you go now you see the word simple.  Everyone is craving simplicity.  Here it is:  See the child.  Hear the child. Love the Child.  That will teach the child the most important thing they need to know- I am special.

The beautiful quilt my grandmother gave me while in collage is now frayed showing the wear and tear of regular use over the years.  At the end of most busy days you will find me wrapped under it on the couch reading. I am still comforted by it’s warmth in pink, green, and white hues which match nothing I own!  While savoring this moment my husband comes in and sticks a Roma tomato in my face.  Slightly irritated I look up and see a glimmer of tear in his eye.  “It’s a tomato” I said.  “Yes’ he replied, “But not just any tomato.  Today our grandson came to me when we arrived at his house after school holding both hands out each holding a Roma tomato.  He said, “You pick one Papa.  I want you to have it.”  I realized they were from his first garden tended completely on his own.  I couldn’t choose so he handed me the biggest!”  We have the tomato pictured above on the kitchen window sill- I don’t know if we will ever eat it!

The true value of a thing is very personal.  Quilters would scold me and say you have ruined a valuable work of art that is probably worth a good price.  Yes, it has been a gift of love that was given to me which I have kept close by my side. As the commercial says, "It is priceless.”  Tomatoes are eaten by the millions every day without a thought, but none of them were grown by our 10 year old grandson who will carry on a love of gardening that started with helping Papa as a toddler.  Gratitude:  thankful appreciation for favors received.  Feeling alone, unappreciated, taken for granted, overwhelmed?  Look around, perhaps in your house you will find a memory of a moment when someone truly cared or looked up to you.  Whether you do come away empty handed (which I sincerely doubt you will) or not- join me as I open the front door and walk outside gazing at the sky and feeling the warm breeze ripple through my hair.  Repeat after me:   “You are the God who sees me!  Genesis 16:13”.   There is nothing like gratitude to change your outlook on life!

Ending the summer with a very special field trip at “Grandma Camp” was very important to me.  I had planned, budgeted what we could do, and we were packed and ready to go!  After “take off” my grandson read out loud in the car and my granddaughter worked on the balloon flip-flops she was making for her mother and aunt’s upcoming twin birthday.  I had received some calls that distracted my thoughts in and out but was overall focused on the kids.  At the Exit for our destination I stopped to put in the ten dollars budgeted for gas.  My grandson continued reading out loud and a flip flop was passed out the window for me to make an adjustment. My thoughts were distracting me as well.  After several minutes the reading stopped and I heard, “Grandma, did you mean to spend that much money on gas?” Then the gas hose clicked and stopped pumping.  I was paralyzed momentarily by the reality of what just happened.  I filled the tank.  I couldn’t put it back on the shelf- I couldn’t hit delete and start over!  Hiding my worry I just placed the hose on the rack and screwed the gas cap on but continued to stand there.  The money for our day trip plus a few groceries and plans for the weekend were now in my gas tank!  I called a friend for encouragement who expressed how terrible it was, but at the same time couldn’t stop laughing.

Gas prices are not a laughing matter for any of us right now.  I have no friends who are not impacted by the reality of our economy and now another disaster Irene causes mayhem for millions on our East Coast.  Nevertheless we remain human in the midst of the circumstances that surround us- prone to making errors that have a greater impact on our lives than they used to.  No emotion is helpful when the error happens.  Anger- beating yourself up for being so stupid- fear of the consequences- remorse for messing up something special- so I decided the friend was right- laughing was the best remedy to save this day.  Forward motion is all I know- grandmas don’t retreat!  The budget went to survival only spending, but in the end they never knew and we had a great time anyway.  We grilled hot dogs over the weekend and needed no gas.  There will no doubt be more than one opportunity every day of our lives that will stare us in the face as the total at the gas pump did me.  In that moment I pray you will call the friend who will help you laugh and remind you that no matter what happens we can choose joy and have faith that the God who has always seen us through is still here!

Starting the 3^rd cup of coffee and the caffeine still hasn’t kicked in.  A thousand things to do and I can’t seem to get started on one!  My mind is blocking out all reality and I stand there in my “empty box” -a term I learned describing a man on the couch- certainly not Planet Carol!  Recognizing I am in the empty box brings on action and for me there is no other choice.  Where is it?  Not in the office stack or on top of the television so I must get on my knees without spilling the coffee (I can’t seem to give up even for a moment) and dig through the cupboard of DVD’s.  There it is.  Seeing the cover brings hope and I  find the strength to get off the floor, take out the disc, put it in, hit play and press volume up about 6 times.  As soon as the first sound rings in my ears my thoughts begin to organize and by the second scene I am dressed and in action!  My day is moving even better than I could have hoped for.  “White Christmas”.   It is a “White Christmas” day on the rainy, muggy, air alert pollution warning, and heat index  expected over 105 August Wednesday.   For years I have rescued myself from many otherwise dreary days with the movie “White Christmas”.  It has given the energy for housework, paperwork, clutter removal, finishing the project that has been undone for months, and by the end of the movie there is a clear image of completed tasks around me and I am smiling!

I have often shared this discovery when talking to family or friends that need a “White Christmas” day.  Singing and dancing is not for everyone, so it may take a little research to see what causes your emotions to lift.  That is where the battle begins almost every time.  Our emotions are restricting our mind and body from normal functioning.   The movie “White Christmas” always makes me smile and feel good.  Every time I watch it the same adrenaline flows through my veins.  The realization of that is why I go there.  Those of you that know me are probably thinking this sounds very non-spiritual- why not Praise and Worship Music?  The answer is that Praise and Worship music draws me spiritually and though I love it I can’t help being drawn in and so then I have a day of sharing with the Lord which is perfect, but all the things I need to do are still sitting undone!  We are individuals who make choices every day and we make too many of them to appease or impress others rather than follow our true selves.  When we find things that help us along and improve our outlook for any given moment we need to jot that in our memory to bring out of the closet when needed.  I say thank God for whatever works!