I was playing a hot potato game with children the first Sunday of the Year and the person who was caught had to give the year of their birth- if one of the staff got caught a child guessed the year they were born. When I caught it my chosen child declared 1830. I look great for someone going on 200- but then again as the years go by it is undeniable that creaks, quirks, and shortness of breath occasionally appear I’ve always blamed weight for any of those symptoms, but my husband who can still wear his wedding suit was breathing hard after carrying all the Christmas boxes up this year. I personally don’t believe in retirement- if you have followed any of my writing you know that busyness is my middle name- but the truth is that at this point in my life if I don’t stop and rest there seems to always be a physical price to pay!
So what’s the dilemma you may ask? It’s the perfect excuse to get the younger ones to step up to the plate. I’ve put in years of labor- why not take it easy now and enjoy it? I’ll tell you why- there is burning inside me a lot of things I intended to do- even as recently as the past five years- and I want to do them. Call me stupid, but I love being there for others in a world that has no mercy! I want to be an encourager who not only says, “You can do it!”, but also takes actions to make the journey easier or in some cases possible. Some say to me that I am just “killing myself”. If that has any truth at all it has nothing to do with what I am doing- it would be related to the things I am not doing to keep myself strong. You know the list- eating right, exercise, etc…. In addition there is a spiritual need within me that ignored will place me in danger. It is not what I have done- It is what I have not done! That is why I have grace and mercy for others- I am so aware of how much I need it!
II Peter 3:18 in the Amplified Bible says, “…grow in grace (underserved favor, spiritual strength)……” I have experienced both definitions in my life, but have focused on the undeserved favor part. Today I am wondering about the spiritual strength part. Why this past year have I experienced depression and extreme weariness when most all other years of my life I can give story after story of standing through difficulties that were emotionally and physically impossible for me, yet a supernatural spiritual strength held me up? I know exactly how it feels to be under the dome of protection with Jesus while the universe twirls around me- it’s great. Perhaps I took my dome for granted and no longer spent time keeping it strong, repaired, and real. Sounds like work which I don’t feel like doing, but I can’t eat a cake that isn’t baked (or that I went to the bakery to buy).
I laugh every time I hear Bob in the movie “What About Bob” cry, “ I need, I need, I need!” to his therapist on vacation. I need. I want. And the world would tell us to work hard enough to have all that we need or want. I think I will meditate grace defined as supernatural strength. I don’t see a lot of satisfaction and happiness in the world and those are the two words I want said about my life- I was happy and satisfied with a lot to share…………..
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
What do I Really Want and Why?
I want to be left alone and yet I am starving for fellowship.
I want to be healthy and thinner yet I eat what I please.
I want to make a difference in a very nasty overall world, but am not like Jesus and truly not willing to pay any more “prices” to be a part of that.
I want a perfect family to show the world the possibility, so I practice the same unconditional love from the depths of my heart that Jesus has given to me.
I want joy to be part of my world, so I refuse to give any agreement to those who want to rob me of it by focusing on the negative “realities”.
I don’t want to lose another friend, so I hold on tightly whether or not they respond.
I want compassion and affection and appreciation, so I dish it out in cards and hugs and smiles and kind words.
I want mercy because I alone know the insecurities in my heart and the weakness in my soul.
I want love because life is not worth living without it.
I want rest because I am too acquainted with exhaustion.
I want vision and purpose knowing without it I will never be satisfied.
JESUS IS ALL THE WORLD TO ME
By Will L. Thompson
Jesus is all the world to me,
My life, my joy, my all;
He is my strength from day to day
Without Him I would fall.
When I am sad to Him I go,
No other one could love me so;
When I am sad, He makes me glad,
He’s my Friend.
I want to be left alone and yet I am starving for fellowship.
I want to be healthy and thinner yet I eat what I please.
I want to make a difference in a very nasty overall world, but am not like Jesus and truly not willing to pay any more “prices” to be a part of that.
I want a perfect family to show the world the possibility, so I practice the same unconditional love from the depths of my heart that Jesus has given to me.
I want joy to be part of my world, so I refuse to give any agreement to those who want to rob me of it by focusing on the negative “realities”.
I don’t want to lose another friend, so I hold on tightly whether or not they respond.
I want compassion and affection and appreciation, so I dish it out in cards and hugs and smiles and kind words.
I want mercy because I alone know the insecurities in my heart and the weakness in my soul.
I want love because life is not worth living without it.
I want rest because I am too acquainted with exhaustion.
I want vision and purpose knowing without it I will never be satisfied.
JESUS IS ALL THE WORLD TO ME
By Will L. Thompson
Jesus is all the world to me,
My life, my joy, my all;
He is my strength from day to day
Without Him I would fall.
When I am sad to Him I go,
No other one could love me so;
When I am sad, He makes me glad,
He’s my Friend.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
It is the week after Christmas and I am not alone when I say that I am still in the right after dinner state. That place where some just slump on the couch watching the game, some sit and talk for hours, others may play games, but no one engages in normal daily activity- it is a holiday and there is no pressure to do anything! The cooks work is done
These holiday moments are anticipated weeks ahead by most people as a time you can count on to stop and catch your breath or at least get away from the daily grind we live in.
When we get there in spite of the in-laws we don’t get along with there is a letting down that is nice at some moment of the experience. The level of contentment we live in our normal daily lives directly affects our motivation to leave the holiday.
For me, that level of contentment is divided, causing a war inside myself that threatens my ability to stand. You see I am very content in some areas of my life and completely discontent in others! There are 4 sizes of pants hanging in my closet- not content! There are photos of family all over the house- all bring thoughts of pride and love- yet some are also reminders of hurts or concerns- mixed contentment! Multiple calls daily reminding me of a large village of caring family and friends that surround me, but many of the conversations bring the realization of the struggles we are all in- mixed contentment. Going to the mailbox, email, facebook, or the blogsites brings both announcements of happy things as well as the bills and requests for donations etc. - mixed contentment. This state of mixed contentment is not motivating me- it overwhelms me. It occurs to me that Jesus experienced this when he said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!” Luke 13:34 He himself is the answer, but we must respond!
Personalizing scripture is very effective motivational tool. Let me try this one on myself:
“Carol, Carol who quickly forgets the word of the prophets and often ignores or refuses to receive those sent to help her; Every time I was trying to set you in good places, meet all your needs, squeeze you with the unconditional love of the Holy Spirit and you wouldn’t stop what you were doing and step aside and let me be your Lord!” Now here is something to ponder- help digest that pumpkin pie- maybe even motivate me to see the things I can do rather than dwell on failures or discontentment! God has promised His mercy is new every morning. This morning I will step aside and rejoice in His presence and His Lordship and give Him the reigns. I strongly suspect I will find motivation as I surrender to Him today and let Him live and move and have this “Carol” being for His purpose.
These holiday moments are anticipated weeks ahead by most people as a time you can count on to stop and catch your breath or at least get away from the daily grind we live in.
When we get there in spite of the in-laws we don’t get along with there is a letting down that is nice at some moment of the experience. The level of contentment we live in our normal daily lives directly affects our motivation to leave the holiday.
For me, that level of contentment is divided, causing a war inside myself that threatens my ability to stand. You see I am very content in some areas of my life and completely discontent in others! There are 4 sizes of pants hanging in my closet- not content! There are photos of family all over the house- all bring thoughts of pride and love- yet some are also reminders of hurts or concerns- mixed contentment! Multiple calls daily reminding me of a large village of caring family and friends that surround me, but many of the conversations bring the realization of the struggles we are all in- mixed contentment. Going to the mailbox, email, facebook, or the blogsites brings both announcements of happy things as well as the bills and requests for donations etc. - mixed contentment. This state of mixed contentment is not motivating me- it overwhelms me. It occurs to me that Jesus experienced this when he said, “Jerusalem, Jerusalem which killest the prophets, and stonest them that are sent unto thee; how often would I have gathered thy children together, as hen doth gather her brood under her wings, and ye would not!” Luke 13:34 He himself is the answer, but we must respond!
Personalizing scripture is very effective motivational tool. Let me try this one on myself:
“Carol, Carol who quickly forgets the word of the prophets and often ignores or refuses to receive those sent to help her; Every time I was trying to set you in good places, meet all your needs, squeeze you with the unconditional love of the Holy Spirit and you wouldn’t stop what you were doing and step aside and let me be your Lord!” Now here is something to ponder- help digest that pumpkin pie- maybe even motivate me to see the things I can do rather than dwell on failures or discontentment! God has promised His mercy is new every morning. This morning I will step aside and rejoice in His presence and His Lordship and give Him the reigns. I strongly suspect I will find motivation as I surrender to Him today and let Him live and move and have this “Carol” being for His purpose.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Ever notice how quick we are to answer a question? Are you angry? No. Are you hungry? Yes. Are you ok? Sure, fine. Are you content? Absolutely! It has occurred to me recently that many times my answers are rote and given without much thought. Sometimes upon reflecting my answer I discover within my heart that I did not give an accurate response. This speaking without thinking thing is a very human part of our nature and sadly we often just respond as the group we run with expects us too. I became a planet too busy to take the time to reflect upon the question beyond my immediate answers. Now I am not saying that I was lying all this time, because to my active thinking every response was true. Often I was distracted with other thoughts I considered more important than what was being addressed to me at the time.
My husband and I like most couples love a getaway that includes a beach, sun and sand. He sets himself up for the day and is content to watch the water, sleep, and take occasional therapy- going out and letting the waves toss him around! I like the atmosphere of the ocean and the sound of the waves, but prefer to read or walk the boardwalk and shop having a hard time just “sitting” even at the beach. If I were to get comments about this there would be a thousand interpretations about us- our personality profile, backgrounds, needs met or unmet, and on and on it could go. Google it and you will get 40,000 responses to consider!
The pace of our society has continued to increase. In the movie Kate and Leopold when she asks him if he misses the 18th century he responds that he misses the pace. As an adult I miss the pace I remember as a child. For my grandchildren I have a great concern for how they will be able to find peace in a world that moves so fast and is so competitive. The zooming around as I have done all my life would be considered normal. It was when I hit that wall and sputtered and stopped that I truly looked inside my heart for what the definition for contentment is for Planet Carol. I am discovering that the patterns I’ve zoomed through over and over have not all brought contentment and in my disconnection from the universe floating aimlessly this past year I am more interested than ever to discover who I am as an individual defined solely by my own hearts desire. I am reconnecting to the high school girl who memorized scripture and led her friends in prayer groups and community outreach. The college girl who sought the Lord with all her heart before moving ahead on any decision. The young mother who found joy in providing quality times for her family that would plant deep roots of unconditional love and build confidence in her children to never fear to go for their dreams. If this sounds lofty to you, please understand that I am an optimist and believe that more women than not have these same desires. In my discovery there is one thing so far that I am very certain of. Without my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ my life cannot stand up to the God of this world anymore than the Building and Loan could stand without George Bailey! Like George, I have often been discontent in the exact place I needed to be- not understanding the plan of God for my life. Recognizing God’s plan and finding contentment in it is priority on my list of repairs today. It may be hard and then again the Bible says if any of you lack wisdom ask and it shall be given to you……………
My husband and I like most couples love a getaway that includes a beach, sun and sand. He sets himself up for the day and is content to watch the water, sleep, and take occasional therapy- going out and letting the waves toss him around! I like the atmosphere of the ocean and the sound of the waves, but prefer to read or walk the boardwalk and shop having a hard time just “sitting” even at the beach. If I were to get comments about this there would be a thousand interpretations about us- our personality profile, backgrounds, needs met or unmet, and on and on it could go. Google it and you will get 40,000 responses to consider!
The pace of our society has continued to increase. In the movie Kate and Leopold when she asks him if he misses the 18th century he responds that he misses the pace. As an adult I miss the pace I remember as a child. For my grandchildren I have a great concern for how they will be able to find peace in a world that moves so fast and is so competitive. The zooming around as I have done all my life would be considered normal. It was when I hit that wall and sputtered and stopped that I truly looked inside my heart for what the definition for contentment is for Planet Carol. I am discovering that the patterns I’ve zoomed through over and over have not all brought contentment and in my disconnection from the universe floating aimlessly this past year I am more interested than ever to discover who I am as an individual defined solely by my own hearts desire. I am reconnecting to the high school girl who memorized scripture and led her friends in prayer groups and community outreach. The college girl who sought the Lord with all her heart before moving ahead on any decision. The young mother who found joy in providing quality times for her family that would plant deep roots of unconditional love and build confidence in her children to never fear to go for their dreams. If this sounds lofty to you, please understand that I am an optimist and believe that more women than not have these same desires. In my discovery there is one thing so far that I am very certain of. Without my relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ my life cannot stand up to the God of this world anymore than the Building and Loan could stand without George Bailey! Like George, I have often been discontent in the exact place I needed to be- not understanding the plan of God for my life. Recognizing God’s plan and finding contentment in it is priority on my list of repairs today. It may be hard and then again the Bible says if any of you lack wisdom ask and it shall be given to you……………
Sunday, December 27, 2009
12.27.09
There is no time like the holidays for emotions. Most men blame them on the women, but I see emotions from men even stronger than ours during these moments. Emotions are of course the avenue to extreme behavior and where I choose to pick on the guys for a few moments, here are a few examples that we gals may have to look at too!:
1. Extreme shopping way beyond our means (making us feel like we can’t afford things others want).
2. This one is for the men- Refusing to shop at all (the economy you know) and handing you a few bucks for the kids Christmas eve (and by then you have borrowed from family and friends to ensure your children are not disappointed) which causes a night of wrapping and no sleep and promises all the romance of Christmas is lost!
3. Grieving for family that has gone on ahead and more often than not unaware of why you are sad or grumpy.
4. Resenting the extra work making the event happen and not feeling fully appreciated for the effort.
5. Dreading the encounters with friends or relatives we just don’t get along with.
Wow- that is enough of that- I love Christmas and what a gloomy picture! This year I did everything for Thanksgiving due to circumstances in every other family member’s life, so they made the sweet plan that I would not cook Christmas! I was expecting to be blessed and enjoy the holiday perhaps more than ever- more time with the kids and visiting with the guests. 3 days before Christmas my husband was a tornado in the kitchen making 3 delicious desserts (He is famous for his cooking) and I was really at peace. They had planned a menu that veered from the traditional I did and excitement was high. Then he got sick. Nothing serious- just a sinus infection- but he was as useless as a burnt out light bulb. Went to bed right after my daughters annual Christmas Eve breakfast and there I stood in the kitchen all alone to get 2 meals started- our annual Christmas Eve get together with friends- 12 of us and our family and friends Christmas Day- a different assorted 12 of us. I chopped chicken wings up for the teriyaki chicken that was to be grilled, but I baked standing in front of the oven turning and basting Christmas day while my husband and daughter took a nap and Mom watched a movie. Ladies- I need not say more. But there was a miracle of Christmas for me. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t grieving for the family member who wouldn’t come. I was overwhelmed at how blessed I am right now in the midst. Planet Carol worked not alone, but in the presence of the Holy Spirit and came out happy and blessed after 2 full days of hard unexpected labor. I loved every minute of both days. My best friend and I walked through the line Christmas Eve and sat at the table as guests at a wonderful party as if I had done nothing.
We played games, enjoyed presents, and the grandchildren we’re perfect (well that’s right- right?) so everyone ended the night so happy. Christmas day we drove to get Mom at her assisted living home and she stayed until 8 pm having a great time. The last present was opened at 11:30 pm due to family schedules and taking Mom home in the midst, but it was a great day. You see- my maiden name is Bailey- and regardless of the circumstances- compared to the picture of Christmas around the world I have a wonderful life! The angels God has sent to me are a wall of protection from the world and inside there is comfort, joy and peace beyond understanding. I am thinking finding planet carol is connected to choosing the right place to live…………………..
There is no time like the holidays for emotions. Most men blame them on the women, but I see emotions from men even stronger than ours during these moments. Emotions are of course the avenue to extreme behavior and where I choose to pick on the guys for a few moments, here are a few examples that we gals may have to look at too!:
1. Extreme shopping way beyond our means (making us feel like we can’t afford things others want).
2. This one is for the men- Refusing to shop at all (the economy you know) and handing you a few bucks for the kids Christmas eve (and by then you have borrowed from family and friends to ensure your children are not disappointed) which causes a night of wrapping and no sleep and promises all the romance of Christmas is lost!
3. Grieving for family that has gone on ahead and more often than not unaware of why you are sad or grumpy.
4. Resenting the extra work making the event happen and not feeling fully appreciated for the effort.
5. Dreading the encounters with friends or relatives we just don’t get along with.
Wow- that is enough of that- I love Christmas and what a gloomy picture! This year I did everything for Thanksgiving due to circumstances in every other family member’s life, so they made the sweet plan that I would not cook Christmas! I was expecting to be blessed and enjoy the holiday perhaps more than ever- more time with the kids and visiting with the guests. 3 days before Christmas my husband was a tornado in the kitchen making 3 delicious desserts (He is famous for his cooking) and I was really at peace. They had planned a menu that veered from the traditional I did and excitement was high. Then he got sick. Nothing serious- just a sinus infection- but he was as useless as a burnt out light bulb. Went to bed right after my daughters annual Christmas Eve breakfast and there I stood in the kitchen all alone to get 2 meals started- our annual Christmas Eve get together with friends- 12 of us and our family and friends Christmas Day- a different assorted 12 of us. I chopped chicken wings up for the teriyaki chicken that was to be grilled, but I baked standing in front of the oven turning and basting Christmas day while my husband and daughter took a nap and Mom watched a movie. Ladies- I need not say more. But there was a miracle of Christmas for me. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t angry. I wasn’t grieving for the family member who wouldn’t come. I was overwhelmed at how blessed I am right now in the midst. Planet Carol worked not alone, but in the presence of the Holy Spirit and came out happy and blessed after 2 full days of hard unexpected labor. I loved every minute of both days. My best friend and I walked through the line Christmas Eve and sat at the table as guests at a wonderful party as if I had done nothing.
We played games, enjoyed presents, and the grandchildren we’re perfect (well that’s right- right?) so everyone ended the night so happy. Christmas day we drove to get Mom at her assisted living home and she stayed until 8 pm having a great time. The last present was opened at 11:30 pm due to family schedules and taking Mom home in the midst, but it was a great day. You see- my maiden name is Bailey- and regardless of the circumstances- compared to the picture of Christmas around the world I have a wonderful life! The angels God has sent to me are a wall of protection from the world and inside there is comfort, joy and peace beyond understanding. I am thinking finding planet carol is connected to choosing the right place to live…………………..
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
12.22.09
Today I received a present from someone that really surprised me! I had no idea that they cared about me or even liked me that much. That element of surprise felt so good. When I opened it and found out that what was inside was very thoughtful and chosen just for me I really felt loved! It caused me to look at that person with new eyes, realizing that somewhere in our walk together I had been preoccupied in our relationship and they were obviously feeling something that I was missing out on. I believe this is definitely part of the breakdown in planet carol. Being so preoccupied and busy doing somewhere I stopped receiving some things that I needed to keep going strong.
I will never forget running out of gas on a main interstate highway with my Mom a couple years back. She was 76 at the time and has never paid a bill late or let her gas tank get below the half full mark! I was frustrated and embarrassed, but she was frightened by my irresponsibility as the trucks whizzed by us. (She asked me how much gas I had every time she got in the car for months afterwards!) I was so busy taking Mom places I fell short in being prepared in a way that would ensure a safe and happy experience.
Years back I worked as an Activities Director in a very state of the art home. Because of my loyalty and detail to professionalism combined with God’s heart in mine for the people I was drawn into more and more leadership responsibilities (without pay increase of course) and the job became 24/7. When they approached me about adding travel and training with pay I realized that I was giving my life away to a corporation and I have a husband and 3 children who were first in my heart, but never getting the best of me. God gave me the wisdom to leave. I believe the person I so eloquently described above is termed a workaholic! I left the job, but the workaholic never left me! I took it to every job I’ve ever had, though I did give more of the best of me to the ones I love the most.
As I have floated “lost in space” this year there is a vision slowly coming into focus for the first time. While I feel like I am in a bubble alone I keep seeing people smiling at me from a distance. Some hold onto the bubble and float with me for awhile; others are using hammers and chisels trying to break through. I don’t know yet if they want to rescue me or just come inside and ride along for awhile. But this one thing I know- Nothing has separated me from the love of God. He has been in this bubble all along. As I have become more and more aware of His presence what began as a scary ride is now more comfortable. Though I know He has always been there I sadly admit that I have been surprised by His gifts of peace and joy. He knows me to core of my being. I have not been receiving the fuel for life He has for me. A car can only circle the gas station so many times before it will run out and have to be pulled in and serviced. I think I’ve made the Lord dizzy zipping around His station……………………………………….
Today I received a present from someone that really surprised me! I had no idea that they cared about me or even liked me that much. That element of surprise felt so good. When I opened it and found out that what was inside was very thoughtful and chosen just for me I really felt loved! It caused me to look at that person with new eyes, realizing that somewhere in our walk together I had been preoccupied in our relationship and they were obviously feeling something that I was missing out on. I believe this is definitely part of the breakdown in planet carol. Being so preoccupied and busy doing somewhere I stopped receiving some things that I needed to keep going strong.
I will never forget running out of gas on a main interstate highway with my Mom a couple years back. She was 76 at the time and has never paid a bill late or let her gas tank get below the half full mark! I was frustrated and embarrassed, but she was frightened by my irresponsibility as the trucks whizzed by us. (She asked me how much gas I had every time she got in the car for months afterwards!) I was so busy taking Mom places I fell short in being prepared in a way that would ensure a safe and happy experience.
Years back I worked as an Activities Director in a very state of the art home. Because of my loyalty and detail to professionalism combined with God’s heart in mine for the people I was drawn into more and more leadership responsibilities (without pay increase of course) and the job became 24/7. When they approached me about adding travel and training with pay I realized that I was giving my life away to a corporation and I have a husband and 3 children who were first in my heart, but never getting the best of me. God gave me the wisdom to leave. I believe the person I so eloquently described above is termed a workaholic! I left the job, but the workaholic never left me! I took it to every job I’ve ever had, though I did give more of the best of me to the ones I love the most.
As I have floated “lost in space” this year there is a vision slowly coming into focus for the first time. While I feel like I am in a bubble alone I keep seeing people smiling at me from a distance. Some hold onto the bubble and float with me for awhile; others are using hammers and chisels trying to break through. I don’t know yet if they want to rescue me or just come inside and ride along for awhile. But this one thing I know- Nothing has separated me from the love of God. He has been in this bubble all along. As I have become more and more aware of His presence what began as a scary ride is now more comfortable. Though I know He has always been there I sadly admit that I have been surprised by His gifts of peace and joy. He knows me to core of my being. I have not been receiving the fuel for life He has for me. A car can only circle the gas station so many times before it will run out and have to be pulled in and serviced. I think I’ve made the Lord dizzy zipping around His station……………………………………….
Thursday, December 17, 2009
12.16.09
Where is my heart? Struggling with all it’s might to pump life into me. For it is the place Jesus speaks to me daily through the Holy Spirit. It gets lost in the flesh- on a roller coaster ride to reach my ears and open my eyes. My heart sees a window to speak when I sit down at the piano to worship and it pumps into me strength and joy. As a result My eyes are open to see His Word- see my path clearly- and I take steps with Jesus that are sure, fulfilling, comforting, humbling, and fruitful.
“Bless my heart” though, for so easily I am distracted. I find usefulness in busyness. It is all really good stuff mind you- stuff Jesus likes. But the busier I become the more I bury my heart down deep inside somewhere to save for when I have some time. It is gasping for air, but will not be suffocated. It is squeezed into a place that cannot contain its fullness, but is too strong to pop and be destroyed. It stays alert for an opening to jump out and pull me back inside once again. When I respond to my heart there is perspective, peace, wisdom, contentment, and the intimacy of relationship that completes me. All the things the world is so hungry for- I am so hungry for- right here deep inside me- easily accessible- and yet I get distracted? I am so not like God and without Him truly I am the most shallow person on the earth. Good grief Charlie Brown, what is the matter with me.........
Where is my heart? Struggling with all it’s might to pump life into me. For it is the place Jesus speaks to me daily through the Holy Spirit. It gets lost in the flesh- on a roller coaster ride to reach my ears and open my eyes. My heart sees a window to speak when I sit down at the piano to worship and it pumps into me strength and joy. As a result My eyes are open to see His Word- see my path clearly- and I take steps with Jesus that are sure, fulfilling, comforting, humbling, and fruitful.
“Bless my heart” though, for so easily I am distracted. I find usefulness in busyness. It is all really good stuff mind you- stuff Jesus likes. But the busier I become the more I bury my heart down deep inside somewhere to save for when I have some time. It is gasping for air, but will not be suffocated. It is squeezed into a place that cannot contain its fullness, but is too strong to pop and be destroyed. It stays alert for an opening to jump out and pull me back inside once again. When I respond to my heart there is perspective, peace, wisdom, contentment, and the intimacy of relationship that completes me. All the things the world is so hungry for- I am so hungry for- right here deep inside me- easily accessible- and yet I get distracted? I am so not like God and without Him truly I am the most shallow person on the earth. Good grief Charlie Brown, what is the matter with me.........
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