Dizzy.  Yes I got dizzy watching my husband run around the bench where I sat contentedly in the sunshine sipping a drink.  Ten times he circled around me to get back on the Space Mountain Roller Coaster at Disney World.  We were celebrating a wedding anniversary during the month of February so there were no lines. Of course he begged me to go with him! However, I could not respond to his heartfelt desire to share his fun as roller coasters terrify me as nothing else can do.  There is however a roller coaster that appears in my life regardless of my resistance.  Yesterday just doing the regular daily routine the ride began with an incline that found me shouting with joy at the top of my lungs!   We are getting our first tax refund in twenty years and it is substantial enough to cover several major pressures of life.  I was dancing with joy coming down that curve.  Then there was a small bump on the track momentarily interrupting my joy when the now sixteen month old grandson helped himself to a dozen eggs which he enjoyed dumping out of the carton onto the kitchen floor.

Within the hour another major concern was deleted as the details worked out to allow my husband to update his insulin pump.  He is my bionic man- this machine has proven to be so amazing in controlling his blood sugar and keeping him healthy over the past decade.  Joy continued to rule- (I imagined myself casually holding the safety bar of the coaster car with my blonde hair blowing in the wind!)  Work correspondence was next on the list.  I am technically challenged, but used to fighting my way through, so it was no surprise I got a blank screen when I tried to access my email.  It wouldn't even let me X out so I just turned my computer off and on to start again.  After six attempts with the same result I became a bit frazzled and started calling for help.  Nothing was working.  I went online looking for a number to call for technical help.  I got one and they told me I had been hacked so my account was shut down as it was sending out requests for money and perverted emails in my name.  They informed me it would never be reopened as the hacker could affect the emails of “millions” of people.  He did offer to connect me with a technician who could recover my addresses for a hundred and forty dollars which thank God I declined.  (Yes I know- many of you reading this are already saying come on Planet Carol how naive can you be.)  At that moment the fun ride of the day took a much unexpected scary turn and was making my stomach roll.   I made another call to another provider whose number I found online.  He sounded like he was a million miles away, was hard to hear or understand and the background noise was ridiculous.  I was close to tears now and he said I had definitely been compromised and needed to have my computer ghosted.  Again for a few hundred dollars he could connect me to someone who could do it online.  Of course I declined.  But I was convinced I was in serious trouble. I immediately had my online banking disabled.  I called my trusted technician who has served me well for over 10 years back.  He was horrified by this story and told me these major provider companies do not operate like that.  “Where in the world did you get these phone numbers?” he asked. (Google of course)   He went through my computer and found a lot of things he removed and lo and behold my email account was there and just fine. The roller coaster ride ended.  I was exhausted, but all in one piece! 

We all have roller coaster days.  Some would even say every day is like that.  As I look back on yesterday’s ride I am truly grateful for so many things.  I am also challenged to be calmer no matter how fast and scary life may feel at any given moment.  Friends of mine are fighting for their health and life.  This was just a computer glitch.  Perspective is everything.  My prayer today:   Lord, grant me the grace to stop and seek you in everything. Teach me Your ways so that I don’t let the things of this world rob me of standing in your peaceful presence at all times.

Life before MapQuest is a volume of true stories where I often found myself far away from my intended destination. In the beginning there was no cell phone to talk me onto the right road.  Crying daughters missed the birthday party, a fifty mile trip to find our new bank, honking down a policeman in a treacherous neighborhood and then hearing him laughing on his speaker about some “lady” he was waving onto the interstate twenty miles from my exit- just to name a few.  When cell phones became part of life I had several people who so regularly “directed me” they answered asking “Where are you now?”  Mom and I drove places all the time and having been the navigator with the map her entire life she could not understand how I missed receiving the gene that gives you a sense of direction!  She learned to laugh about it and loved telling her own stories about us being “lost again”.

 
There are different emotional responses that emerged when I acknowledged being lost.  When under time pressure or affecting the lives of others (not finding the birthday party) I would become upset and angry with myself or the person who gave me directions.  Other times frightened when like a mouse in a maze I momentarily felt I would never find my way.  However, there also developed an adventuresome spirit of exploration.  I would focus on discovering places I’d never seen and enjoy the ride.  This “lost” game has been played with my husband, children, mother and most recently my grandchildren on grandma camp trips! 

 Today I find myself lost again.  Not behind the wheel of a car on the highway, but contemplating my future and what life has ahead.  In the past year I have talked with people of all ages struggling with that very issue.  What used to be a sure thing in our country no longer is.  Job raises, security, and retirement plans are no longer part of the deal.  People who used to dream big dreams are thankful to be eating with a roof over their heads.  Always the optimist I am holding out for another dream, but finding myself unwilling to work too hard to make it happen.  I recognize the error of my thinking and yet am watching people working themselves literally into the loss of their health and getting no where.  Putting aside anger, frustration, fear, and blame I have decided upon the adventuresome spirit of exploration.  Gloria Gaither said it so well when she declared in her children’s song:

I am a promise,
I am a possibility
I am a promise with a capital "P"!
I am a great big bundle of potentiality!
And I am learning to hear God's voice and I am tryin'
To make the right choices;
I'm a promise to be anything God wants me to be!

I don’t know about you, but I am reminded today that now and forever I am God’s kid. I don’t feel lost now and have found my new theme song………..